As an American Catholic, it has been a rough couple weeks. The McCarrick report dropped today, and the results of the U.S. Presidential election have revealed concerning irregularities in ballot-counting. The "deeds done in the dark" are bad enough on their own, but the coverups have resulted in an undermining of my (and others) faith in both the institutional Church and the electoral system and has been a real one-two.
It has never left my mind since being married that it only takes one lie to make a liar, one instance of infidelity to make an adulterer. Even if you tell the truth 99 times out of a hundred, or have been faithful to your marriage vows for 40 years save one night, it's the one time that undermines the foundation of everything else. Trust is earned, not given. There is always forgiveness and absolution, but it necessitates compunction and restoration as well, which does not always happen overnight.
In our current climate, one has to be especially discerning. We can sometimes smell wolves in sheep's clothing when apostasy is apparent and blatant, but there is also the risk of putting our trust too heavily in friends, priests, and public figures as well. Judas was a close confident of Christ, but at some point, something changed, and "Satan entered into him" (Jn 13:27). David is betrayed by Ahitophel (2 Sam 17:7), as he laments in Psalm 41:9: "Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me."
Betrayal really cuts to the heart--how much more so when it is a close friend or even a priest or prelate who has betrayed our trust?
But as one going into a marriage knowing we may be betrayed at some point during the course of a marriage, one does not go in holding back their heart. Trust is an implicit element of the marriage vows, and so we abandon ourselves to another person and an unknown future knowing full well the potential for betrayal. You cannot love fully while witholding parts of your heart, mind, and soul. We do not want to have cold hearts of stone
But the discernment process for whether a person is trustworthy comes on the front-end. Though we recognize people are human and fallen, we must ask ourselves questions as part of discernment while keeping emotionalism, which can cloud judgment, at bay: does this person illicit behavior worthy of trust? To what am I entrusting them? Am I too quick to trust? Are there red flags to pay attention to?
Trusting another one even in little things, such as considering someone a friend, or divulging more personal information or emotions then you would someone else, still carries with it risks. Despite this, living a risk-free life where we trust no one is not a viable or preferable alternative. We must be open to hurt, since we live in a fallen world. Even if one is vetted fully into our lives, that is no guarantee they will not betray that trust. At such points, forgiveness can be a huge act of the will, and requires supernatural grace.
To have faith is an act of trust, but trusting in Christ as savior--that he is true to his word, and will never forsake nor abandon us--can also be difficult for people who have been betrayed by his followers. That is why we must be a light as disciples, and be transparent as much as able and vulnerable. We must be trustworthy ourselves, as well.
I don't want to live without trusting, but in today's climate I am more discerning. I use a combination of intuition (which, granted, can be wrong at times), vetting, and taking things slowly when opening up to people. I also use the company one surrounds themselves with as a litmus, and pay attention to the little things (potential red flags). When it comes to my children, even more so. When it comes to institutions, it can be harder--I try to keep my focus on Christ, who was betrayed into the hands of sinners, rather than putting my faith in men or priest celebrities (who have been known to fall). And as an American, it can be even harder, since politics is such a soiled field.
But don't live without trusting. It leads to suspicion and bitterness, setting up walls around the heart. Just be discerning, wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove. Be trustworthy yourself, and God will give you the graces of knowledge and understanding to fine tune your gauge. Forgive seventy-times-seven, while maintaining appropriate boundaries when warranted. Do not succumb to suspicion en perpetua, be wary of rabbit holes, while not being naive. It can be a tough balance.