The Siren Song Of The Fleshpots Of Egypt

 

Temptation is such a strange thing. Always predictable, and yet always new.

I have been out of the woods for over six months, having quit smoking/vaping/dipping/nicotine cold turkey over the summer. It was brutal but the acute pain of it was shortlived. Months 2-5 were largely passed unscathed. But for whatever reason the past month, I think everyday of going back to it. Every day I need to consciously say, "No, thank you." "No, not today." "No, we are not going back to being a slave." "We are going to stay in the Promised Land...there is nothing back there in Egypt for us."

We all have our struggles and vices, our particular crosses and temptations. I haven't masturbated or looked at pornography in over 12 years. One always needs to stay diligent, but it's not an every-day struggle anymore for me. For some men, this is their battle; one which needs to be won. 

But with regards to this drug, I consciously know I can't just pick up a JUUL or whatever and use it every now and then. Unfortunately, from past experience, I seem to need a no-tolerance policy in order to stay clean. "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly" (Prov 26:11). I have to admit there is a kind of powerlessness over the drug, that I would be a fool to entertain a "I can have just one" rationalization. I have no physical dependency at this point; it is one hundred percent head game. "Take heed, lest you fall" (1 Cor 10:12)

There comes a point when our exercise of the will becomes just that--exercise. Some days we are cruising, in the habit of virtue. And sometimes we need to deal with the oily suggestions that slide into our eardrums from the lemon-lot salesman more consciously. In these moments we only see the uncorrupted parts of the fruit being offered. We need to say NO and turn right away. "When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it" (Gen 3:6). It can physically and psychologically hurt to do so. But any short term pleasure must be considered against the inevitable fallout that would take one back to the land they escaped.

"And the children of Israel said to them: Would to God we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat over the flesh pots, and ate bread to the full. Why have you brought us into this desert, that you might destroy all the multitude with famine?" (Exodus 16:3)

I have to think that the devil will often try to wear us down by projecting things into the future. This exercising the will which feels so tiresome day in and day out--when it's suggested to us that it will never end, will be like this forever, will exhaust us to the point where we have no choice but to succumb to whatever temptation we are being buffeted by--it's absolute folly....but you want to listen to the siren that gives you permission to indulge your senses. "It will be ok. Just one. Just one time. Just one hit. I promise. Just one." The next thing you know you are back to square one. Any addict knows how the story ends. The weariness of being clean and turning down invitations to indulge are nothing compared to the weariness of day-in day-out addiction. 

One thing a friend in deliverance ministry suggested to me when I lamented to her that I was tired of 'exercising' the will, saying no to my dark wants every. single. day. She said, offer it up for someone specific. I heard somewhere, I can't remember--offer your temptations and sufferings for the release of a thousand souls in purgatory. Their release is more painful to the Devil than the pleasure brought on by seeing you suffer, so maybe he will stop tempting you then. Not sure how theologically accurate that is, but I'm willing to give it a try. 

We all have our battles, our tailor made crosses. This may be one of mine (among others). I don't want to forget the freedom, the newfound strength, the ability to be free in times of crisis, unfettered by binding chains. But some days it's all I can do to not pull over the car and feed my addiction. Every day is a 'NO' and I gnash my teeth a little. It feels like there's no end in sight, no respite on the horizon. And yet, all I have to do every day is what I am currently doing. Not listening to the lies, not using, and not forgetting. There's a lot at stake, and I am a weak and unprincipled man. 

Deliver me, Jesus. Deliver me. Take this suffering and use it for Your glory. Amen.

Forgive Quickly, Before You Change Your Mind

Don't underestimate God's propensity to make use of the Nuclear Option in our lives to set us straight.Were it not for what I call a "grace grenade" bouncing into my room and blowing out the windows of my life as I knew it, I'm not sure what things would look like today. 

I had met a photographer while biking across the country in the summer of 2003, fallen in love, and gotten engaged a few months later. In some ways, she was a little wilder than my usual "type"--a talented artist, covered in tattoos and who was featured in tattoo magazines, who trained at a South Philly boxing club, trading exotic dancing in a strip club for bartending in an iconic 15th Street dive bar--while in some ways we were too much alike. 

The wedding was set for September of 2004, the deposit was put down at the reception venue, the guests were invited, the shower gifts received. I remember many times saying to myself and others, "relationships are supposed to be hard. They're supposed to be hard." The truth is, we weren't right for one another, and I was an incredible burden at the time, my depression thick as a fog. 

We kept pushing on, gritting through, but truth be told the whole thing needed to be blown up. And blow up it did under the stresses of circumstance. Her photography career was taking off on a national level while her best friend was diagnosed with and succumbing to cancer. Meanwhile she was juggling dealing with my mental state and, I presume, having doubts about her ability to endure me for the rest of our lives together. At one point she confessed she had gone home with someone from the bar and contracted an STD in the process. 

The news, of course, cut like a knife. I could tell she was sorry, but it was also a clear sign that she wanted out; this would not be something we would be walking back from. The hurt was so weighty, it felt like at the time, that when I held her sobbing in my arms it was clear I had no natural strength to forgive this infidelity. I was numb, but I made an act of the will to turn it over to the Big Guns to do the forgiving for me. After all, had I not played the whore with the Lord, been his Gomer, and been washed clean by his own blood? Who was I to withhold forgiveness for such harlotry? It was the same Holy Spirit who at the basement hardcore show when I was 17 had "cut me to the heart" and convicted in my sin who then stepped in and gave me the grace to forgive my fiancee, with no residual of contempt or bitterness. I simply forgave her, washed away by mercy, and let her go. It was one hundred and ten percent grace.

God doesn't keep us from making mistakes, especially those of youthful folly. But in lobbing this "grenade of grace" that derails our dearest plans, sending downed trees into one trailhead so that we take another instead, he gently makes use of our tangled circumstances for His glory and our good and brings us to the place He wants us to end up. He's not opposed to opening up the arsenal and using whatever is needed--tragedy, sickness and death, betrayal, crisis--to break our hearts of stone, reshape us by grace, and bring us home.

Pastor Wang Yi spoke in this video of how he approaches police interrogations (for living the faith in China) which I think speaks to this technique of backing yourself into a corner on purpose before you can second-guess, and "settling matters quickly" with your adversary (Mt 5:25). 

"When I'm being interrogated at a police station, I put myself in a 'spiritually safe' situation...I say everything front. I immediately arrive at the point of no return... 

When you are facing pressure because of your faith, don't give yourself to much wiggle room. Articulate the most controversial point as early as possible, and then with Esther say "If I die, I die." It is often those who say "If I die, I die" who live in the end." 

 That relationship of mine twenty years ago was a disaster, and it needed to be blown up. And of course he not only blew it up, but sent the wife he had been reserving for me years as a provision years later. 

But I never forgot that experience of God's mercy for my then-fiance through the conduit of my own broken spirit. I willed forgiveness, and in the daze when I felt myself losing consciousness and going down, turned it over to Him to exact it. It was bigger than I could do myself. I backed my will into a corner of forgiveness, because if I did not right then and there, I would doubt I ever could. I would brood and fester, reliving the hurt, licking wounds and lording it over her for years to come. 

Instead, I just....let it go. Let the Lord deal with the mess. I'll do my part--"forgive those who trespass against you..." just as I had been forgiven my trespasses. I had no dogshit of resentment stuck to the soles of my shoes, no anger.  God had wiped everything clean in my heart after that moment. In that, I myself healed, while never forgetting that that kind of power does not come from the human heart, but by grace. 

Whisper Down The Lane: A Cautionary Tale of The Dangers of Underground Catholicism

A few days ago we received our annual newsletter in the mail from the Cardinal Kung Foundation, who we financially support to aid the underground Church in China. For those unaware, the Church has been illegal and persecuted in China for the past sixty years. "Since October 2016, anyone in China under age 18 may not be baptized, enter a church, attend a Mass, or receive religious instructions." The Communist government created a Church under the control of Chinese Catholic Patriotic Association in 1957 in an attempt to replace the Roman Catholic Church in China and transferred almost all the properties of the Roman Catholic Church in China to the Communist founded Patriotic Association Church, leaving the "illegal" but loyal-to-Pope underground Catholic Church in poverty.

The Patriotic Church is an "approved" but sham puppet Church which pledges its loyalty to the CCP. Meanwhile, the true Church in China loyal to the Pope and dedicated to preserving the true faith, is the illegal "underground Church" and being starved and fined out of existence. According to the Foundation, "The Vatican has not consecrated new bishops when an underground bishop retired or died. Many diocese are now managed by Diocesan Administrators. Many bishops are elderly. Even without medical care or proper living conditions, with God's blessings these elderly bishops work in their 80s. Due to frequent arrests, the health of these elderly bishops deteriorated."  

The underground Church is staying loyal, but the Vatican is not making it easy to keep the faith. "With the signing of the Vatican-China Provisional Agreement, [the] Vatican gave recognition to all the Patriotic Bishops, including forgiveness to eight excommunicated Bishops. [The] Vatican even "requested" two legitimately consecrated underground bishops to step aside for two excommunicated bishops. With such extraordinary concessions to the government and the Independent church, the Vatican failed to obtain the freedom of one of its own bishop who is 89 years old and had already been jailed for 44 years."

In this case, to be a true Catholic in China, you must join and be loyal to the underground Church, which is hidden, persecuted, and left hung out to dry by it's own leaders in Rome. 

There is also another tale from the East--in this case Japan--of a persecuted minority of Catholic Christians that had been forced underground during extended years of persecution from the 16th century onward. The Kakure Kirishitan, or "hidden Christians" never really emerged from the underground, and as a result the Faith--fiercely loyal to the ritualism but deformed by degrees over the years a--became almost unrecognizable to the true Faith. It became....something else. From CERC:

"Missionaries were banned from Japan for 200 years until the middle of the 19th century when the French reintroduced Catholicism to the country. At this time, some of the Hidden Christians came forth and rejoined the Catholic Church. Others did not recognize the French Catholicism as the faith of their ancestors. Centuries of concealment and isolation had changed their faith into something unique with secrecy an integral part of its doctrine.

The Hidden Christians worshiped and prayed together and offered each other mutual support. But because the initial introduction to Christianity lasted barely one generation, their education in the faith was somewhat rudimentary. Nevertheless, they turned their inadequate instruction into a practice that developed its own hereditary priesthood, observed holy days and administered the sacrament of Baptism."

When an anthropologist sought out these Kakure Kirishitan practitioners in 1995, she discovered that there were only two "priests" left. 

"This is the only thing they have the ceremony," Whelan said. "That becomes their dogma. You have to do it right, you have to say the prayers right, or it won't have power. In the absence of other things that most other traditions have, this becomes the thing you've got to be true to."

"I do think that they are religious men in their own way," she said, that their prayers are directed toward God.

A tiny Catholic Church on Narushima attracts a small congregation, but the Kakure Kirishitan priests are not interested in joining it. Although they probably understand intellectually the relationship between Kakure Kirishitan and the Catholic Church, Catholicism to them remains foreign and removed.

Whelan, herself a former Catholic turned Buddhist, saw reflected in the last two priests the universal religious struggle between the conservative and the liberal. One priest, in being correct to the past, is blind to the realities around him. The other, attempting to make the ritual relevant to those who don't truly understand the tradition, makes compromises that dilute the best of what had been preserved.

Whelan considers the two old men on Narushima as among the only living authentic practitioners of the Kakure Kirishitan. "

Because we have been under quarantine as a family for the past week, we missed Mass last Sunday, Christmas Eve/Day, and this morning, so the five of us had to make due with a Missa Sicca ("Dry Mass") and family rosary, which I led. The Dry Mass is a stop-gap, not intended to the long-term. Last year, during COVID when Masses were suspended temporarily, I had converted our shed to a chapel in the off-chance event we needed a place to have private masses said. We have not had to use it for such purposes, as the churches were not closed for long. 

I know many traditionalists tout this kind of "underground TLM" movement but I think it's a short-term solution that makes them feel like persecuted torch-bearers in their minds but neglects the unforeseen dangers of "whisper down the lane" mutations were these ghettoizations to go on for years or decades. The underground Church in China is under real persecution, their bishops are being starved out of existence, but God has not abandoned them. 

And yet, for us, the danger of losing perspective were traditionalism to go "underground" is ever-present. I have to say, on the other hand, though, we have some older parishioners from our parish who did just this before Summa Pontificum was promulgated, who were assisting Masses in basements and keeping the flame of Tradition alive for future generations to be enjoyed in a more mainstream fashion today. If the mainstream TLM was being enjoyed, if the trajectory coming out of the Vatican is accurate, it may have been a short-lived luxury. If it is not the CCP, but our own supreme Pontiff, that is relegating us to the underground, how do we stay true to the faith and it's authentic expression in worship while keeping such deformities (seen in the KK communities) at bay? 

Personally, I'm conflicted about the "underground Trad" movement. I'm not averse to sacrifices and hardship for the faith and will gladly endure what we need to. Not that it is necessarily inevitable, but I fear a potential insular radicalization and spirit of malcontent should we be further ghettoized. Years, decades later, will the distance between those who remain in the liturgical New Rite and those stay loyal to Tradition in the Old intensify to the point where the traditionalist "old believers" emerge and find the Church of the Novus Ordo "unrecognizable" and refuse to join it? If the Vatican refuses to ordain bishops in the Old rite, how many generations can we truly survive without becoming illicit? Is this a new eve of nuevo-Lefebrism? 

For those who attend the Novus Ordo regularly, they may question what the big deal is with any of this, be unfazed or undisturbed by what is coming down from Rome. But for those of us faced with the decisions of what to do on Sundays and beyond moving forward should this come to fruition, our faith and loyalties are in many ways being tried and tested. What does it mean to be faithful? To be loyal? To be Catholic? To sell out? To resist? To let the flame of religion be snuffed out?

One thing I know for sure--our Lord never said it would be easy. “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to" (Lk 13:24)

“Awake, sword, against my shepherd, against the man who is close to me!” declares the LORD Almighty. “Strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered, and I will turn my hand against the little ones. (Zech 13:7)

See also: Subversion

Making Room

 You may have noticed this blog doesn't really track well with the liturgical calendar. I miss feast days all the time, and my knowledge of ecclesiology is limited, so I tend to just stick to what I know and write about that. I figured there is no shortage of Advent reflections, etc, at the Register and other more mainstream Catholic sites. 

Unfortunately this Advent we've had a number of timed gut punches, from the answers to the TC dubia last week, to our entire family coming down with Covid, my father getting hit by a car, and various other distractions and emergent issues. Despite all that, we're trying to look on the bright side of things--we are all together, we have enough groceries for now, and we seem to be on the upswing. Since we have chosen to quarantine, we will not be able to attend Christmas Mass, which is a real bummer, since I don't know if we've ever missed it. 

We don't get sick very often. Yesterday I was on the couch all day in and out of a sweatful sleep, and recalled St. Ignatius's story. From the Fr. Hardon archives:

He was a soldier by profession and, as later on he would at such length explain to his followers, God would do the most unexpected and unpleasant things in order to bring a soul to Himself. In Ignatius’ case, he was fighting a war against the French. During a battle at Pamplona he was badly wounded; one of his legs was quite shattered. Incidentally the Spaniards, once Ignatius was wounded, fled. (He was their leader). This led into months of convalescence; his convalescence converted him. You might say the Society of Jesus was born on a sick bed. He was a great reader of the romances of those days. Now that, by the way, is really something because he was wounded on May 20th (everybody remembers the date), 1521. Print was discovered in the late fifteenth century and yet, already, by 1521 there were, of all things, all kinds of novels in print. There is no doubt that the manner of his conversion, not just the fact but the manner, decided the nature of the order that he would found and the kind of spirituality that he would teach.

He wanted novels, but they just didn’t have them; it was a poorly stocked library. All they had was a Life of Christ and a book on the lives of the saints. The Life of Christ changed Ignatius’ life, and for the rest of his days his spirituality was, in the deepest sense, Christocentric. Unlike so many other great spiritual masters, for Ignatius the spiritual life is identified with a Person. He was no theologian; his vocabulary was very limited; his figures of speech were sometimes infantile, but he fell in love with Christ, and that made Ignatius and Ignatian spirituality. 

There is something about convalescence that strips you down and makes room for, well, just "being". St. Alphonsus quotes St. John of the Cross on this matter. "

"St. John of Avila once wrote to a sick priest: “My dear friend, -- Do not weary yourself planning what you would do if you were well, but be content to be sick for as long as God wishes. If you are seeking to carry out God’s will, what difference should it make to you whether you are sick or well[66]?’’ The saint was perfectly right, for God is glorified not by our works, but by our resignation to, and by our union with, his holy will. In this respect St. Francis de Sales used to say we serve God better by our sufferings than by our actions."

Thank God. Last year was such a busy year on a lot of fronts that I made a resolution this year to strip out as much as I could that wasn't necessary so we had more bandwidth for family, service, and just the 'white space' of availability. 

In many ways, as we lead up to Christmas, the traveling Mary and Joseph found a place that had "no room for them." (Lk 2:7). Although we don't want to be sick any longer than God wills, it's probably a gift in disguise, this "gift of room" where we can't do much but, well, exist. 

The birthplace of our Lord was an unexpected one, that fit into the Divine plan perfectly but on the surface seemed accidental, offensive and unduly human--straw, animal dung, a stable, a manger outside the inn. None of this kept the Lord God from accomplishing His work of salvation in history. Nothing happens apart from His will. In the manger moments, all you can do is sit in speechless adoration. Even the gentile Zoroastrians knew there was something special happening here in Bethlehem and worshipped. 

Thank you Lord for health. Thank you for sickness. Thank you for giving, thank you for taking. Thank you for loving us, for subjecting yourself to our level. Thank you for saving us by your grace, your Son, our Savior and our salvation. Amen. 

Feser: The Catholic Middle Ground on Covid-19 Vaccination

 It's been a number of months (if not a year) since I visited Edward Feser's blog. But I stumbled upon it this evening, and was surprised (and, admittedly, somewhat edified) to see that what he purports in his latest post almost completely squares with my own thoughts on the matter at hand. He is a philosopher, I am not, so he has done most of the heavy lifting of putting pen to paper whereas most of this stuff has just been swimming in my head the past six months. 

Read for yourself here. 

Why Faith Is Like A Marriage, and Why I Hold Out Hope For It

The person you love most can cut you the deepest. 

Anyone who has been married for a minute knows this. You literally mortgaged your entire life on this one person, this vow, this covenant, and living and loving them til death do you part. When you've shared a bed with someone for a year, ten years, half a century, you get to know them pretty well and vice versa. If you're a spiteful person, you have plenty of ammunition you can use against them. 

Though my wife and I have a good, healthy marriage, we are witnessing in friends the complete leveling of theirs. In sensitivity to the situation, I don't want to divulge details, but I can say that the entire foundation has been called into question, and while for years they had been superficially coasting with minimal blood traveling through restricted veins, an artery has ruptured in their marriage that has caused an proverbial aneurysm and brought it to the brink of collapse. Believe me when I say the issues are serious, and will take an enormous amount of investment and re-commitment to bring it back from the ledge. 

I said when I was on The Journey Home that when I came into the Church at the age of 18, I knew it was for life, and my 1st Communion and Confirmation felt like "walking down the aisle on my wedding day." So, I've always had this feeling that my relationship with the Church was not a fad, or a passing commitment, but literally a covenant. And it is fitting that the Lord recounts his relationship with his people throughout scripture in marital language. The Church is the spouse of Christ.

So, ok, in many ways both my wife and I have gone all chips in on each other, and all in on the Church as well. Because, as many Protestant Christians have trouble understanding, one's faith as a Catholic cannot essentially exist in any real way outside of the Church. It is a foreign concept that one could "love Christ and not the Church," any more than one could be truthful in saying he loved God but hated his brother (1 Jn 4:20). 

For some people who feel liberated by their recent throwing off of the shackles of the institutional Church--freedom from the gaslighting, the cognitive dissonance, the fear of the threat of eternal damnation--are making the claim that none of it is real, none of it true, and that the promulgation of Traditiones Custodes proves that it's nothing but bullshit. That those who stay in the Church are fools suffering from a kind of Stockholm Syndrom, especially since it's obvious at this point that the vicar of Christ himself is acting like an abusive father meeting out beatings. They feel vindicated by their escape, and the "I told you sos" from these religious pundits just feel like salt in the wound for the rest of us (who hold to the traditional faith and Mass) now having to contend with the "What nows?"   

For the first time in, I think, my history as a Catholic believer, the thought came to me, "What if they shut down the Latin Mass, and we just...stopped going?" Essentially, what if we just gave up, and said, "you know what, I don't believe any of this anymore." 

It's hard at this moment because we are dealing with the uncertainty of our future of worship, and also dealing with the existential questions and the pragmatic "where do we go on Sunday if this thing goes through" decisions that need to be made. And like many of those being crucified in their marriages who have the thought planted in their mind during those moments of insurmountable agony and betrayal: "what if I just leave the house for a pack of cigarettes, and don't come back?"

My friend Leila wrote a follow up book to her Primal Loss: The Adult Children of Divorce Speak. The book gave voice to those who had suffered from the trauma of divorce--that is, the children--but some readers expressed that that couldn't be where the story ended. And so she wrote Impossible Marriages Redeemed to tell the story of marriages that had been put up on the cross to be picked apart by ravens and yet did not come down off of it. By God's grace, many of these couples experienced a complete destruction and leveling of their marriage and yet refused to concede. They tied themselves to the mast of the ship, like Odysseus, and stuck to their vows by sheer force of will. And because they did not give up, but threw themselves on the mercy of God to save their marriage when they didn't know what else to do, God heard their desperate prayer and slowly brought it back from the dead. With man, this was impossible. But with God, all things are possible (Mt 19:26).

The promulgation of TC is a kind of humiliation, it feels like. All we want to do, as Catholics of the traditional persuasion, is to worship God in the fullest, most fitting way possible. Many of us can attest that it has borne good fruit, and is not (despite the gaslighting) rooted in a spirit of disobedience. Were the CDF to say tomorrow (today?): "You can no longer worship in this way?" many of us are faced with these decisions of "well, how are we to worship, then?" 

I think about Padre Pio a lot when he was forbidden to offer Mass, and how difficult and painful that must have been for him. But he accepted it as a crucifixion in obedience. I don't quite know if it's an apt comparison. But I wonder if many of us have been gliding along, superficially in our faith and worship, neglecting that if we are to follow Christ we are to be baptized into his death (Rom 6:3). What could be more painful then having the thing we care about most ripped away from us, and even more painfully so, not by a Communist government or a leftist mob, but by the Church herself? Like the spouse that knows us and our vulnerabilities.   

We may be on the eve of this period of uncertainty, liturgical wandering, and painful humiliation. And the threat of schism and defection to Orthodoxy and the SSPX may prove to be an extremely likely. When it comes to the Vatican's forecasting of who these traditionalists are a friend aptly said, "They are expecting college Republicans and they're getting the Maccabees."

And yet, for myself as the spiritual head of my household, I feel like the Lord is allowing this. This is not an accident, or outside of His will; nothing happens apart from His will! If we are going through a crucifixion of sorts, should we be surprised as if this was not a part of our discipleship. If the Lord is leveling His Church to the foundation the way He leveled the Temple, will He not rebuild it? Or do we not trust Him to guide us through this, and instead leave our marriage and forfeit the deepening of our faith and love in the Golden Years through the fiery trial (1 Pt 4:12)? We are people of the Resurrection, as St. Paul writes,  

    

"Now if Christ be preached, that he arose again from the dead, how do some among you say, that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there be no resurrection of the dead, then Christ is not risen again. And if Christ be not risen again, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain. Yea, and we are found false witnesses of God: because we have given testimony against God, that he hath raised up Christ; whom he hath not raised up, if the dead rise not again. For if the dead rise not again, neither is Christ risen again. And if Christ be not risen again, your faith is vain, for you are yet in your sins.Then they also that are fallen asleep in Christ, are perished. If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.

But thanks be to God, who hath given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast and unmoveable; always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labour is not in vain in the Lord." (1 Cor 15:12-19; 57-58)

I have hope. I must have hope to survive. If we go through dark times, we must then lean more on Christ to guide us in the dark. If we are stripped down liturgically, crowned with thorns, we are in good company. To the extent that the wheat is separated and the faithful are not blown away like chaff, that we endure our suffering and do not defect, we will be resurrected. If you don't believe that, just what then is your faith in the crucified Christ founded on? 

I don't know what God is doing but I lament and assent with Job "Though He slay me, yet I will TRUST IN HIM!" (Job 13:15).

The Problem With The "Golden Unicorn"

 This is going to be a basic, repetitive post as I feel I've been making this point for a few years now. But in light of the Holy Father's now cemented antipathy to my people (fellow traditionalists), maybe it's worth posting. 

A couple years ago in St. Louis I attended a Latin Novus Ordo celebrated ad orientum, replete with chant, incense...the works. All the "smells and bells." My friends who belonged to the parish at the time referred to it as the "golden unicorn" of extremely rare Novus Ordo masses that tried to combine the best elements of the Tridentine Mass superimposed on the Novus Ordo. 

I guess, to be fair (according to OLV, where I attended that particular weekend), 

"Many Catholics are surprised to learn that the new General Instruction of the Roman Missal allows for certain traditional options that are now seldom seen in the U.S. But the ordinary form Mass, as celebrated with these options at St. Mary of Victories, is actually very close to the style of worship contemplated by the Fathers of Vatican II when they promulgated the Constitution on the Liturgy, Sacrosanctum Concilium (SC) in 1963. They decreed, for instance, that Latin was to continue as our main liturgical language (SC #36), and did not call for priests to change their location on the sanctuary. (The celebrant traditionally stood in front of the altar during the Eucharistic Prayer, facing the same way as the people.) It was not the Fathers of Vatican II, but Pope Paul VI some years after the Council, who decided to legitimize the reception of Communion standing and in the hand as well as kneeling and on the tongue (the traditional manner that Benedict XVI, as pope, asked from those receiving Holy Communion personally from him). Nor did SC ask for new Eucharistic Prayers in addition to the First – i.e., the ancient ‘Roman Canon’, the centerpiece of the Roman-Rite Mass. It did, however, insist strongly that the Church’s great treasury of sacred music, especially Gregorian chant, should be not only retained but given “pride of place” (SC #116)."

This was a historically Hungarian parish, adjacent to and under an underpass, which had seen better days. Like many traditional parishes, it was in the "bad part of the town," but didn't enjoy the growth and crowds that many TLM parishes did (like SFDS Oratory, run by the ICKSP, for one). It was in desperate need of repair, and despite the best efforts of some of the more dedicated parishoners, it was dying.

I always feel I have to pardon the expression whenever I say it because it sounds kind of harsh, but the expression "lipstick on a pig" is one I have used to describe this situation (the Novus Ordo celebrated ad orientum in Latin). I don't have any issue with people who attend the Novus Ordo, or like the smells and bells of these kinds of liturgies. But I find it offensive when proponents of the NOM purpot it as some kind of 'split the middle' solution of a reverent liturgy in the New Rite to those of us who attend the Tridentine Mass. Someone in our area started a "Trad-lite" Facebook page kind of pressing this point. Hard pass.

Keep in mind liturgy is not my strong suit. I know what I know, and not much beyond that. And I don't want to come off snobby or snotty. But from my limited vantage point, one of the  obvious problems with the liturgical Golden Unicorn are that it is untenable.

The Novus Ordo is be definition malleable. It can be celebrated with mariachi bands in Spanish, or with incense and chant, or gospel style, or whatever. The pastor seeking to right-the-boat with a more traditional, Anglican-style high liturgy has to face the fact that the next pastor 3-5 years down the road can simply come in and dismantle the whole thing unilaterally. The rubrics of the Tridentine Mass prevent such 'freedom expression' and limit what one priest can and can't do within it.        

Sorry, this is kind of a lazy post, as half of us have COVID and I'm having to attend to my wife who has fallen ill. I'm sure there are other things which liturgical experts like Peter Kwasniewski could expound upon (I reviewed his book, here). But I have no interest in the Novus Ordo at this point, even if it is celebrated in this style. I am open to hearing points as to why I should. But if push came to shove and things got as bad as they are projected to, I think we would defer to the East (Byzantine Catholic) as a matter of recourse. I just can't understand the Holy Father's vindicitive animosity at this point; I'm just kind of...numb to it. If they want to destroy the Church (I don't buy the 'unity' claim) by restricting those of us who just want to give God due worship according to the ancient rites...well, I guess we'll see how it all plays out. I pray it backfires.

The New Art Of War

 

Yesterday the FDA permanently lifted restrictions on mifepristone by mail. Almost 80% of abortions take place before 10 weeks gestation, meaning they could conceivably take place by way of medicine abortion (eg, the abortion pill).

It's common to see pro-lifers outside of the local Planned Parenthood clinic praying and holding signs of aborted babies, the reality of surgical abortion. I have to wonder, though, given this recent ruling--is this like the analog version of pro-life infantry on the ground (already sparse) in a newly digital age? 

In other words, if potentially 80% of abortions are taking place in a decentralized environment--in people's homes, by mail--what are we doing outside of Planned Parenthood? Focusing on the 20% of (surgical) abortions after 10 weeks that are easier to pinpoint geographically happening in a centralized location? It introduces a potentially whole new battle front and strategy of guerilla warfare by abortion advocates the way the Vietcong during Vietnam fought. They became the "invisible enemy" changing the rules of warfare to achieve their ends. 

Though it certainly could capitalize on this legislation, Planned Parenthood doesn't have a corner on mifepristone. I imagine the profit margin is thinner than with surgical abortions in clinics, but still...do you see where I am going with this? Who is the enemy we are fighting against when medicine abortion becomes the common method and becomes decentralized to the degree that your next door neighbor, your boss, your sister even could be getting her pill by mail--willingly--and killing her child in the privacy of her own home, and that is the vast majority of abortions taking place? Then where do you protest? "The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead" (Ecc 9:3). Planned Parenthood clinics then become this kind of symbolic thing, a kind of cicada shell left behind so that pro-lifers have some place to focus their prayers and signs and physical presence on. But what if these become minor statistical battles when the war is taking place someplace else entirely? 

I don't know. It's incredibly disheartening. You know, I've been recruiting for over a decade now. For years I have been saying the in-person college fair--where you drive three hours to set up a table with swag and printed information to talk to maybe two or three potential students--is a dinosaur and a waste of time and resources. But pre-covid we had nothing to replace it with, so we just kept doing it the way we always had. Then 2020 came, and everything went virtual. So it's like, how do we attract these students now if we're not even meeting them in person anymore, they're not taking the SAT or GRE (so we don't have purchases lists anymore), and they're not even participating in the virtual fairs either? How are we suppose to do our job in this type of environment? It's like the rules have changed, and we're two steps behind. We're still acting like the British forces in the Revolutionary War. 

I don't know what the answer is, but if things move in this direction, getting in your car and "going to get an abortion" is going to be akin to cassette tape decks in cars or fax machines or tobacco cigarettes. How will pro-life advocates (the "old guard"?) pivot and fight the hearts of those who place their orders for these pills? How do you fight one's heart? You can't. You can only win someone over one heart at a time. 

Our Lady of Victory, pray for us.

I'm In It For The Laughs

 Both my wife and I had a "list" of the traits we were looking for in a spouse around the time we met. My wife, for one thing, prayed for a "resourceful" husband. She was quick to point out: "resourceful, not rich" since I was, well, living in a van down by the river at the time and was unemployed. I managed to turn things around over the years though, and we're doing great and comfortable now. 

Surprisingly, high up on my list of things I was looking for in a spouse, was someone with a sense of humor. If I can't laugh with you, that's a bad sign. That doesn't mean we have to have the same sense of humor, or find the same things funny. But if you can't laugh--at yourself or others--and take yourself too seriously...well, that's going to be tough.

Even now, I love to laugh. Unfortunately, not all the comedy and comics I like are squeaky clean. But I can sometimes look past that. The ones I find the funniest are the ones who see the things everyone sees but actually says what everyone is thinking. I'm very picky, like with movies, though. Comedy is so subtle, such an art, because you really have to have a good read on the crowds, be attentive to timing, and know what will work when. I met a guy who did amateur standup and he said it was so incredibly difficult. So, I have a degree of admiration for people that can make others laugh. Because laughing is good for you!

It has to be hard these days, though. Many comics have lamented that the PC, virtue-signaling, super-sensitive and easily offended culture kills comedy and makes their jobs that much harder. I think it was Jerry Seinfeld who said he won't even go to college campuses anymore to do shows because of this.

St. Philip Neri is one of my favorite saints because of his love of humor and being a jokester. This is refreshing! A true sign of humility is that you don't take yourself so seriously. We should be sensitive in some ways, and not jerks obviously, but the ability to take and receive a joke can tell you a lot about a person. Personally, the fact that my wife and I can make fun of each other and burn calories laughing about it is one of the highlights of being married to her. 

On that topic--I think cursing is in most instances, abrasive and distasteful, especially in the written word. Most people use it in a cringy way of trying to be cool and relatable to compensate for something. Every now and then, it can be used in standup in a funny way. But it's kind of like salt--don't overdo it. If your comedy depends on curse words or crude sexuality, that's kind of base and lowest-common-denominator. But I'm not opposed to a carefully flung word bomb by a professional from time to time if it will do the job.

We love to laugh as a family, too. It keeps things light. There is so much heaviness in the world! Laughter is a good antidote to taking yourself too seriously. Of course, life is serious. But we're reminded of that pretty constantly. It's more that we need to remember to lighten up from time to time. 

Christian, don't be afraid to laugh! As the saying goes, "if you don't laugh, you'll cry." 

St. Philip Neri, pray for us! 

The Spiritual Investment In Your Marriage

 One of the blessings of now being able to work remote two days a week is my morning time with my wife. We usually both get up around 6am or so (a little bit earlier on my office days), while the kids are still sleeping. Sometimes one of us is up before the other and has some quiet time to themselves. 

Whoever is up first will put the coffee on, and we convene at the kitchen table, our defacto 'domestic community chapel.' There we have our Lady of Guadalupe candle, blessed salt and epiphany water, a couple of rosaries, and a 1st class relic of St. Maria Goretti. 

Depending on the day, we will sip our coffee and catch up on things either before or after prayer for about half an hour. We talk about the kids, the day-to-day stuff and to-do items, but also anything that needs to be discussed as it pertains to our marriage. It's time 'set aside.' 

When we pray, we bless ourselves with holy water, make a morning offering, and read a chapter of the Carmelite book of meditations, Divine Intimacy. If we have time, we will pray our daily rosary together as well, and then do intentions and pray for those who have asked for prayers. 

One of the greatest blessings in my marriage has been my wife as a partner in faith; that we are walking together shoulder to shoulder. But like other aspects of marriage, it requires continual fertilizing and attention. Daily life with a family can get so busy that it's easy to neglect the time set aside to pay attention and connect on the nuts-and-bolts stuff, but also the deeper issues of goals, where we are at individually and collectively, and being open to (and recognizing) grace working in our marriage. 

Growing up, there was a framed photograph in my parent's bedroom of a Colorado river, with the words "Nothing is ours, but time." Time is hard to substitute. God asks everything of us--our whole heart, mind, strength, and soul--but you can't enter into that relationship without giving him that precious resource. 

In our married lives, time is the exercise of love. Because of the busyness of life, it needs to be intentional, set aside. It's always an unsexy shocker to newly married couples when they hear of people who have married for a while "scheduling" intimacy. But that's another example of investment in you marriage. Hard to believe for newlyweds, but you can get so busy sometimes that you neglect or sometimes forget about sex. Sex is the oil in the engine or marriage...and you can't run an engine for long without oil. To the degree you are investing the time in your marriage, your sexual relationship will act as the barometer. So it's good to keep an eye on the gauge. 

Marriage is multi-layered: it's emotional, intellectual, physical, pragmatic, and not the least of all, sacramental and spiritual. For some people, especially if one of the other of the couple is not on the same page, prayer together can be an awkward thing and is sometimes avoided. Like, what do we do? Because my wife and I are on similar pages with our faith, it's relatively natural for us. 

But even when it's not, and it feels awkward to pray together, it's still good to do, and pleasing to God. God gives grace to the simple and humble, so make your prayer mirror that characteristic. Set aside time, preferably in the morning for one another, and the evenings for family prayer. Remember the words of scripture, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me" (Rev 3:20). 

If you and your spouse reserve time and make a place for Him at the kitchen table, He will honor your request.