The Laying On Of Hands And The Sins Of The Father

One of the great challenges for new Catholics and those coming back to the faith is the kind of cognitive dissonant tightrope one has to walk to reconcile seemingly disparagent elements of the faith. For the early Christians, especially during the Arian controversy, it was Christological: how can Christ be both man and God? In the post-Constantine era, it was "how are Christians to live as servants of God and subjects of the State?" In our present generation, the tension often comes down to the question of "how can the Church be called Holy when Her body is a rotting quagmire of corruption and filth?" Such a proposal is not only offensive for those who have been touched by the sullied cloth personally, but can often create a visceral gagging on the bone of hypocrisy. 

Once when I was doing street evangelization, I encountered a man who held nothing but contempt for the fact that we were out there, trying to spread the Good News of the gospel. It wasn't the Good News, of course, but the fact that we were regarded as agents of the Church, peddling rotten sacks of potatoes as healthy nourishment. It became clear after a few minutes of vitirol that his objections to our being there (and the Church as a whole) were not objective or theoretical in nature, but deeply personal. Although he didn't state it outright, I would wager this was a man who was himself Catholic and who was deeply wounded and scandalized by the abuse crisis within the Church and could not reconcile the reality of this abuse with anything good coming from it. I would even wager he may have been a victim of abuse himself at the hands of the Church. 

There is a saying that goes something like this, "Satan takes what is beautiful and tries to make it ugly. God takes what is ugly and makes it beautiful." I see so much beauty in the cleansing power of Christ to forgive sins, to restore our dignity as men, and to welcome us into his Kingdom. And yet, this often comes in the guise of having to look past the abject corruption oozing out of seemingly every pore in the Body of Christ, His Bride the Church here on earth. 

This is one of those posts where I'm reticent to "go there," in bringing something to light that may be best hidden or unspoken. I hope to do so delicately, but I may fail in that to convey the point. And the point is this: the smoke of Satan which has infiltrated the Church over the last century has mingled with the filth of the world to the degree that even the most beautiful aspects of Her mission has the potential to be corrupted in the minds of the faithful. Perhaps this is just me, some psychological perversion that I would be wise to keep to myself. For the more innocent among us, it may scandalize. For that, I will apologize in advance and perhaps even warn you not to read further. 

The thing people don't realize about the sins of the flesh beyond the obvious is that it perverts our vision of what is true, what is beautiful, and what is real even subconsciously. This is why it's hard to stomach what people like Joseph Sciambra try to convey in graphic detail about gayness--that beyond the Will & Grace persona, homosexuality is an ugly, painful, unnatural, and messy affair. It is also why, when I was evangelizing with him at the Pride festival in San Francisco a few years back, there was an overt religious ethos among the half-naked men gyrating on floats while wearing angel wings next to drag queens dressed as nuns (the so-called "Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence"). Satan loves to take what is holy and beautiful and make it ugly and profane. 

Because of the sexual abuse within the Church, and the atrocities commited by clergy in terms of pederasty and pedophilia, there has been a kind of spiritual and psychic-searing, the way one's eyelids may be fused shut if they get too close to an nine hundred degree oven. In those who have suffered such abuse at the hands of clergy, there is only one word that can qualify it: spiritual murder. It is the death of the soul, because it is a kind of death when one is raped or abused, but at the hands of clergy, it is not only a death but a deformation. How can anyone who has suffered like this be expected to show up for Mass next Sunday and sit through a homily by a man of the cloth without becoming physically ill (which is what Joseph has described experiencing).

This excerpt from Nikos Kazantzakis' Zorba the Greek has stayed with me after reading it decades ago, and may help illustrate this picture of deformation:

"I recalled one dawn when I had chanced upon a butterfly’s cocoon in a pine tree at the very moment when the husk was breaking and the inner soul was preparing to emerge. I kept waiting and waiting; it was slow and I was in a hurry. Leaning over it, I began to warm it with my breath. I kept warming it impatiently until the miracle commenced to unfold before my eyes at an unnatural speed. The husk opened completely; the butterfly came out. But never shall I forget my horror: its wings remained curled inward, not unfolded. The whole of its minuscule body shook as it struggled to spread the wings outward. But it could not. As for me, I struggled to aid it with my breath. In vain. What it needed was to ripen and unfold patiently in sunlight. Now it was too late. My breath had forced the butterfly to emerge ahead of time, crumpled and premature. It came out undeveloped, shook desperately, and soon died in my palm.

This butterfly’s fluffy corpse is, I believe, the greatest weight I carry on my conscience. What I understood deeply on that day was this: to hasten eternal rules is a mortal sin. One’s duty is confidently to follow nature’s everlasting rhythm."

The sin here is not actually in forcing something to "emerge ahead of time," but that it should never have been forced at all. When innocence is stolen, it can never be brought back to life. It is eternally crippled, and can only be healed by the divine hand who created it in the first place. I don't think the weight of such sin can be overstated. It is why our Lord uses the imagery of a millstone. Millstones are giant. Were it to be tied around one's neck on their way to the bottom of the sea, it wouldn't just be a swift trip down. It would snap your neck like a twig in the first second due to the weight. And that quick death would be a merciful fate when compared to the judgement being rendered after death.

If the priesthood is the image of Christ as servant, it is to be holy. When it is not holy, not true to its calling, it perverts the image of Christ in the minds of the innocent. Such a weight of responsibility should make every man shudder, but especially God's chosen--his priests. The good ones recognize this, and in prayer and fasting, do their best to live out their calling in integrity. But like I said, Satan loves to make what is beautiful and holy, ugly and profane. 

Which is why when I witness the humble beauty of the laying on of hands during an ordination, I want to see what is true, what is humbling, what is beautiful and full of grace. But there is also the fallen part of me, all too familiar with our fallen world and the perversity of the flesh, that experiences a flash of what the abuse within the Church has wrought.

Because that very act of the ancient rite of laying on of hands in consecration has been abused and perverted in the laying on of hands of young men and young women, of children by way of the most heinous act of sodomy, which cries to Heaven for vengence.

You don't have to be a father of young children as I am to be repulsed by even the thought of such abuse, whether it occurs in the sacristy, the confessional, or some sordid bath or beach house. And if I were a more innocent person--one who had never swam in the rank waters of pornographic websites and voluntarily viewed things I can never unsee--this kind of flash imagry might not come to mind. I take ownership of that sin, and write about it now not because of how uncommon or rare it is, but of how pervasive and commonplace, how pernicious and virulent. Were I a more innocent person, I may not be so uncomfortable when I see a young priest kneeling before a bishop as the elder lays his hands atop his head at waist level. Were I more ignorant of the sordid realities of what happens in some seminaries, in some chanceries, in some diocesan retreat houses, the thought might never cross my mind.

But I read. I read about the McCarricks--one among many who have taken the image of Christ the High Priest and desecrated it by their lurid acts of sacrilege. And maybe it's better I don't read, keep my head in the sand like an ostrich. So that when I see a laying on of hands in an ordination, I don't "go there," if even for a moment, in my imagination. Can I say there's no grounds for such imaginations? These wolves in sheeps clothing have not only made the unthinkable a reality, but they even deny that they have commited the worst sacrilege--spiritual murder--compounded by their seeming lack of repentence or compunction. They shift blame, or deflect to protect assets. When in reality, they are perverts no parent of good conscience would leave their children with for even a second. 

I think it goes without saying that I am blessed to know many good priests, men of honor and integrity that would hold as abhorrent such stains upon the Church just as I do. And many of them know too that as priests, they have a target on their back--not by the culture, or the media, but by Satan himself.  They realize that if they are not fortified in prayer and fasting, continually living lives of virtue and accountability, they too may find themselves compromised if not careful. The spiritual war being waged against priests by the agents of evil is a reality. Even good men fall, when they never thought they would. It is no joke. Listen to what Our Lady (of Good Success) warns:

"The devil will work to persecute the ministers of the Lord in every way, working with baneful cunning to destroy the spirit of their vocation and corrupting many. Those who will thus scandalize the Christian flock will bring upon all priests the hatred of bad Christians and the enemies of the One, Holy, Roman Catholic, and Apostolic Church. This apparent triumph of Satan will cause enormous suffering to the good pastors of the Church…and to the Supreme Pastor and Vicar of Christ on earth who, a prisoner in the Vatican, will shed secret and bitter tears in the presence of God Our Lord, asking for light, sanctity, and perfection for all the clergy of the world, to whom he is King and Father.”

“Unhappy times will come wherein those who should fearlessly defend the rights of the Church will instead, blinded despite the light, give their hand to the Church’s enemies and do their bidding. But when [evil] seems triumphant and when authority abuses its power, committing all manner of injustice and oppressing the weak, their ruin shall be near. They will fall and crash to the ground.

“In those times the atmosphere will be saturated with the spirit of impurity which, like a filthy sea, will engulf the streets and public places with incredible license.… Innocence will scarcely be found in children."

As a married man, every act of intimacy with my wife demands chastity of mind, body, and heart. To the extent I am running through fantasies in my mind with strangers, playing things out I have viewed online in the past, I am in sin and sinning against my own flesh--that is, my wife, whom I have vowed to be true and faithful to til death. As a married man, I am called to complete and total chastity. This conversion of heart and mind is hard, but it is not impossible. The Lord can heal our memories. He can keep us present in the marital act. We can cooperate with grace by the exercise of the will with regards to chastity. 

For the priest, he must overcome not only his own sins, but must surpass the sins and failings of his predecessors. As the Lord says, "your righteousness must exceed that of the scribes and Pharisees" (Mt 5:20). “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach" (Mt 23:2-3). "Woe to the world because of scandals. For it must needs be that scandals come: but nevertheless woe to that man by whom the scandal cometh" (Mt 18:7). 

What does a good father say when his child is in danger. Don't you lay a hand on him! What does a good Father do when the Lord wishes to multiply his spiritual progeny? He lays hands on him in the rite. What does a spiritual and physical abuser, when he is a man of the cloth, do to corrupt a youth, an innocent. He does just that--lays hands on him. How confusing it must be, how much torment must that innocent endure, to try to reconcile these violations by consecrated hands to keep his spirit in tact! Truly, it is almost beyond one's strength, were it not for the potential for divine healing by the Man whose integrity was never in question--Christ himself--who can make all things new, heal the brokenhearted, and restore dignity to those who have been robbed of it. 

Shame on this perverse generation. Shame on the men of God who have been corrupted by Satan and plundered the innocent. I pray they receive their due in God's just Judgement. 

But shame on us men, too, who perpetuate this seemingly unending roll of digital film through secret indulgence, through hidden sin. There is no victimless crime, no untouched region of the mind and body when it comes to unchastity. We wonder why not only the world, but the Church is in the state it is in. The smoke of Satan has entered. The only antidote is complete and total chastity, and the development of an absolute abhorrence of sin, as St. Paul says, "let there not be even a HINT of sexual immorality among you" (Eph 5:3). 

Heal our minds, Lord, and restore our innocence, so that we do not give what is holy to the dogs. Restore your priesthood, so that we see what is beautiful and holy for what it is, with innocence of heart. Restore our hearts and minds, rip up the soiled carpet of our hidden transgressions, so that we might repent of our misdeeds and perversity rather than burying them and buidling churches upon graveyard of inequity.  Let our righteousness exceed those of the scribes and Pharisees, and may our penance atone for their  sordid abominations, for the sake of our children, and our priests to come.

Beauty Will Not Save The World

Doestoevsky's famous line in The Idiot "Beauty will save the world" has been adopted by traditionalists as a subdued rallying cry to undo the damage of wreckovations, restore the liturgy, and Make Catholicism Great Again. I have been to some beautiful churches and cathedrals (like Sacré-Cœur, for one) and they indeed give testimony to the Psalmist's song, "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows his handiwork." (Ps 91:1)

Unfortunately, many of our modern-day churches do not inspire such majestic awe. From the strictly utilitarian to the downright ugly and architechuraly banal, one finds themselves having to believe not because of their surroundings in these environments, but in spite of it.

I was listening to a convert recount her journey into the Church last night (start at min 35) who began her search for the Truth by way of philosophy as an atheist. She recounted her stumbling blocks to the faith, "I couldn't take my (intellectual) friends into the church and say, 'see how beautiful it is', because it wasn't. I couldn't take them to the Mass and say, 'see, isn't this transcendent?' because it wasn't." She mentioned that she was attracted to the Mass but at the same time repulsed because she could see those present at the Mass seemed not to believe any of it, as reflected in their dress, posture, and lack of reverance. It could be up for debate whether the modernist churches and the liturgy in this context failed to inspire faith in those worshipping there, or if they were built to simply reflect the existing faith (or lack of it) in the modern age.  

Like my own journey, however, it was in reading St. Augustine (Confessions, in this case) that this particular convert was led to pray for the first time and instilled in her the burning desire to be baptized. Perhaps it was because this convert (and I) read ourselves into Augustine's wrestling--that his problems and struggles were our problems and struggles as well--that made Confessions such a formidable part of our conversion.

One of those struggles for Augustine was having been exposed to eloquent rhetoric at an early age, he found the Christian scriptures not eloquent or flowery, but crudely written and uninspiring from a literary point of view. And yet it was not Cicero, but the Lord himself that captured the heart of the rhetorician through the living Word in order that he might rend it in two. Augustine reflects on his first encounter with the Bible, here, 

"I resolved, therefore, to direct my mind to the Holy Scriptures, that I might see what they were. And behold, I perceive something not comprehended by the proud, not disclosed to children, but lowly as you approach, sublime as you advance, and veiled in mysteries; and I was not of the number of those who could enter into it, or bend my neck to follow its steps. For not as when now I speak did I feel when I tuned towards those Scriptures, but they appeared to me to be unworthy to be compared with the dignity of Tully; for my inflated pride shunned their style, nor could the sharpness of my wit pierce their inner meaning. Yet, truly, were they such as would develope in little ones; but I scorned to be a little one, and, swollen with pride, I looked upon myself as a great one." (III, 5)

The "Beauty Argument" is one that makes sense intellectually--build it (beautiful), and they will come, to co-opt a line from Field of Dreams. Once people see the beauty of Catholicism, they will be unable to resist the allure of Truth. It's a wager being made when many other efforts to "revitalize" the Church--reform the liturgy, YouCat and World Youth Day, Bishop Barron's Catholicism--have fallen flat and failed to produce a wave of converts.

So, I'm making another wager in light of the world we live in--beauty will not save the Church. It is a worthy thing, and reflective of God's nature, but it's not enough. I think we are entering a new epoch in which our age is so blinded by delusion, so corrupted by modernism. so obstinate and stiff-necked in our pride and sin, that there is not going to be a raising but a razing; not a renaissance, but a decimation. Not a comfort, but a severe and unrelenting beating.

Our Lady has over and over again been trying to get our attention. Fatima, Akita, Quito, and others. And her message is direct and consistent: repent and do penance. Not eloquent, not flowery. Direct and crude.

Have we, though? Has she really gotten our attention? Have we taken it to heart and changed, amended our sinful lives? The evidence is to the contrary. Those who take the messages seriously may, but the majority of the world is asleep at the wheel. Men became so wicked that God had to do a "great reset" with the flood in Genesis. He promised to never again send a flood (Gen 9:11). 

And yet our Lady's message is consistent with that of her Son's:  “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish" (Lk 13:2-3). 

I think God is getting ready to get a big stick out to bring us home. I sent you saints, stigmatists, miracles.  You did not listen. My Mother tried to warn you, you would not listen. Now you're going to have the ears to hear, but only because everything you have held on to will be taken away from you and you will be unable to do otherwise. "And when he (the Holy Spirit) is come, he will convince the world of sin, and of justice, and of judgment" (Jn 16:8). 

I pray that when the Lord does come, he sears us with fire to burn away the dross of what covers us from seeing ourselves as we truly are--helpless sinners, completely depedent on the mercy of God. I pray that they churches--the ugly ones, the beautiful ones, the humble village churches and the great cathedrals alike--will be so filled not with tourists and admirers, but with sinners crawling there on their knees in tears. I pray that priests have the fortitude to withstand hours upon hours, almost prisoners in the confessionals, because the lines will stretch for miles with no end in sight. I pray that it will not be too late to repent--to see clearly--but that our Lord might give us one last chance to turn away from our sin and turn towards Him. 

In my opinion, beauty is the icing on the cake, the cap of perfection of Creation. But when a world is so blinded by sin and degenirate that they call what is beautiful ugly, and what is ugly beautiful, how can they be converted by beauty? Perhaps it is ugliness-the ugliness of seeing their sin not through a glass darkly, but face to face with eyes that cannot be closed--that will sear their conscience and move them not to admiration and swooning, but tears and rending their hearts before Him. 

The Signs Of The Times

"And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places." 

(Mt 24:6-7)

I try not to be overly-apocalyptic in my personal life and on this blog. I really do. I try not to be intentionally sensationalist or alarmist.

But I've been dealing with a sense of malaise and dis-ease all day over Russia's invasion of Ukraine. I am not well-informed in geopolitics, but I do have a basic understanding of Mariology and hermeuneutical eschatology. 

For those who don't, here's some basics (from Wiki, for brevity):

"The Consecration of Russia to the Immaculate Heart of Mary by a specific act of a reigning Pope along with all the other Catholic bishops of the world was ordered in a Marian apparition by Our Lady of Fátima in 13 July 1917. Sister Lúcia dos Santos, one of the three visionaries publicly stated that at different times the Virgin Mary had given her a message of promise, that the consecration of Russia (as a country) would usher in a period of world peace.

The Vatican stated that Sister Lúcia declared to them in private correspondence during the 1980s that the consecration offered by Pope John Paul II in Saint Peter's Square on 25 March 1984 had been properly accomplished and was “accepted in Heaven”.

The authenticity of this is vehemently rejected by some traditionalist Catholics, including those at Fatima Centre, namely Father Nicholas Gruner, Christopher Ferrara, the SSPX, among others, who support claims of parallelism to the Marian apparitions of Our Lady of Akita in 1973."

For those unfamiliar with Akita (Japan), one of the messages from Our Lady there:

“As I told you, if men do not repent and better themselves, the Father will inflict a terrible punishment on all humanity. It will be a punishment greater than the deluge, such as one will never have seen before. Fire will fall from the sky and will wipe out a great part of humanity, the good as well as the bad, sparing neither priests nor faithful. The survivors will find themselves so desolate that they will envy the dead. The only arms which will remain for you will be the Rosary and the Sign left by My Son. Each day recite the prayers of the Rosary. With the Rosary, pray for the Pope, the bishops and priests”

I've always interpreted this (don't hold me to it) "fire from the sky" as nuclear annihilation. I guess we'll have to stay tuned to see how things play out. 

No one could say that there was no demonic element in Hitler. You don't just exterminate millions of God's chosen people on a whim. Exorcist Fr. Gabriele Amorth: "If one thinks of what was committed by people like Stalin or Hitler, certainly they were possessed by the devil. This is seen in their actions, in their behavior and in the horrors they committed."

Would it be a stretch to presuppose Satan, during his 100 year reign, couldn't make use of Putin in similar fashion? World War II began with Germany's invasion of Poland; are we on the brink of World War III with Russia's invasion of Ukraine? Is it mere coincidence that the "errors of Russia" be made manifest in our lifetime? If Communist China allies with Russia to realign the axis of geo-hegemony and unseat the U.S. as a global superpower...why would we be surprised? Alexander Tytler: 

“The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations has been 200 years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; From spiritual faith to great courage; From courage to liberty; From liberty to abundance; From abundance to selfishness; From selfishness to apathy; From apathy to dependence; From dependence back into bondage.”

There's natural and geo-political reasons for Russia's invasion of Ukraine, of course; maybe Putin smelled weakness and incompetency in the U.S. presidential cabinet and simply capitalized on timing. Maybe there was an element of humiliation since the fall of the USSR that is goading him on. Perhaps the temptation of laying claim to the breadbasket of Europe was too great to pass up. 

But I have to believe there are supernatural forces at work as well. Our Lady has been appearing with such frequency these past few hundred years to warn us; have we listened? Have we heeded her call to repentance, fervent prayer, and penance? Or have we doubled down on our woke delusions, murderous appetite, and attachments to sinful disorder? I think the answer is obvious. 

“If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” (1 Peter 4:18) The words of St. Peter ring in my ear. The living will envy the dead. 

I will admit, lest I think myself more detached and spiritual then I am, when the news first broke about Russia's invasion of Ukraine, my first thoughts were purely material: "how will I heat my house?" "What about cyber attacks?" "Will we be able to afford a long drive vacation this summer?" "What about the markets? The supply chain?" "What if WE are attacked?" Etc. 

These are reasonable questions for a worldly person, but they should be secondary for a Christian, who should have no worry about what he is to eat and drink and wear (Mt 6:25) and who would concern himself in charity for the welfare of those truly suffering (especially our Eastern Catholic brethren) through this in the affected countries. It's embarrassing. 

Adding insult to injury, is the echoing of St. Francis de Sales words in my ear as well, "Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul, except sin. God commands you to to pray, but He forbids you to worry." And experiencing anxiety and worrying is all I've been doing all day. Oh Jesus, how did you sleep on a pillow in a tempest? How? Lord, grant me peace. And yet,

"How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! 18 Pray that this will not take place in winter, because those will be days of distress unequaled from the beginning, when God created the world, until now—and never to be equaled again." (Mark 13:17-19). 

A friend gave me a few morsels of solace in that if one has been faithful to the First Friday and First Saturday devotions, he should not worry. I have to hope and pray that God will give us the grace to endure whatever it is one is called to endure for those who remain faithful to Him. “If the Lord had not cut short those days, no one would survive. But for the sake of the elect, whom he has chosen, he has shortened them....People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken." (Mark 13:20; Luke 21:26).

Even if this isn't the end (and it may very well not be), our Lord admonishes us to read the signs of the times. 

Lord, I trust that you are working. I know we are deserving of the chastisement you send us, because we have forgotten you. We pray for the people of Ukraine suffering at the hands of unlawful oppressors, but also for the world that is under your dominion and judgement. Lord, do not let us perish! And if you are to wipe us away from your sight, give us grace to endure the lashes and not deny you while writhing upon our crosses. Lord save your people, and bless your inheritance.  

Amen.

Chastisement and Spiritual Preparation

 I don’t typically share talks/videos but I listened to this one by Father Ripperger a year or so ago and found it pretty prophetic (it was delivered in 2017). I think it’s worth posting for the benefit of others.

“But the end of all is at hand. Be prudent therefore, and watch in prayers.

But before all things have a constant mutual charity among yourselves: for charity covereth a multitude of sins.

Using hospitality one towards another, without murmuring,

As every man hath received grace, ministering the same one to another: as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

If any man speak, let him speak, as the words of God. If any man minister, let him do it, as of the power, which God administereth: that in all things God may be honoured through Jesus Christ: to whom is glory and empire for ever and ever. Amen.

Dearly beloved, think not strange the burning heat which is to try you, as if some new thing happened to you;

But if you partake of the sufferings of Christ, rejoice that when his glory shall be revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

If you be reproached for the name of Christ, you shall be blessed: for that which is of the honour, glory, and power of God, and that which is his Spirit, resteth upon you.

But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or a thief, or a railer, or a coveter of other men's things.

But if as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.

For the time is, that judgment should begin at the house of God. And if first at us, what shall be the end of them that believe not the gospel of God?

And if the just man shall scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?

Wherefore let them also that suffer according to the will of God, commend their souls in good deeds to the faithful Creator.” (1 Peter 4:7-19)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s3oqUkCm0i4

You Have Ten Fingers

 

Twenty years ago while I was in Haiti, walking along a dusty road to Hinche, I came across two boys next to a bicycle. I asked them in broken French what was wrong, and they pointed to the snapped chain. Taking a closer look, I told them with an air of confidence, pas bien--no good. They would need a chain tool to repair it. I fiddled with it for about ten minutes while they patiently watched, eventually throwing up my hands in exacerbation. One of the boys stepped in, placed the link on a stone, took another stone in his hand, slammed it down on top of the link to set the pin, set it on the chainwheel, and rode off. Pas mal. I always remembered that humbling encounter of third-world ingenuity. 

In China, where Christians are regularly jailed for worshiping under a Communist regime, not having access to Bibles does not stop them from imbibing the Word of God. When they have no access to the physical bound text, they have small scraps of paper with scripture verses written on them and commit them to memory before they are confiscated, because "they can't take what's hidden in your heart." 

I turn 41 next week, and middle-aged malaise has set in. I'm heavier, and groan-ier. I used to eat whole cheesecakes without gaining a pound and biked across the United States in my twenties, averaging eighty miles a day. Now I'm proud of myself when I go to the Y once a week and swim more than 30 laps. I felt good when I went though, because for once I pushed through the myriad of excuses I come up with on a regular basis and just. did. it. Though the motivation may have been disgust with myself and a desire to change, the satisfaction of doing something physical lasted throughout the day. It even lasted into today, when I went for a (albeit, short) bike ride and even pushed it into the big ring for a bit near the end.

Even if I didn't have a pool to go to, or a bike to ride, I could just as easily do push-ups and sit-ups in my bedroom with no equipment needed. Often it's not the equipment we lack, or the tools we don't own, but the drive that's missing. And it seems to scale in direct proportion to what we have, and not what we don't.

When I undertook a brief trial in 'mini-retirement' in my late twenties (essentially being in between jobs for a couple months), I thought I would take the time to write a book. I had a whole writing studio set up--and hardly wrote a thing. 

Even now, working largely remote for the past year, I realized how much I don't need from my office--file cabinet and papers. Essentially, I can do all my work with a laptop and a kitchen table. Even the mouse I use is ancillary. 

When we consecrated our family to the Immaculate Heart a few years ago on the 100th Anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima, my wife and I and I committed to praying the rosary every day. And for the most part, we have kept that promise. Every now and then I will neglect it--either from tiredness or forgetfulness--but it's not often. When I do let my guard down, chinks in the armor often develop slowly and perniciously. 

The rosary is a spiritual tool, a weapon--but it's not just fancy crystal or amber or even humble wood beads strung together. The physical "scripture on a string" can aid us in meditation, but it is not ipso facto necessary. If we leave it at home or neglect to carry it with us, there's nothing--except our inner excuses--keeping us from using what we do have--our ten fingers--to pray. 

"The Teacher That Goes First"

I had been thinking earlier in the day about how little influence it feels like the laity have when it comes to matters of influence in the parish, the chancery, the diocese or the Vatican. Or maybe they have more power than they know. I don't know, honestly. I am not an activist by nature, and so rallying or writing letters to the bishop are not usually my first inclination. I don't know what to 'do' when action is required, but justice cries for action, and so we all must do our part in some way. I am praying and struggling to discern what exactly that is.

The situation we have in this "second wave" sexual abuse scandal in the Church and in local dioceses is so damaging. But sexual abuse happens in families, in schools, in society at large...what is it about its prevalence in the Church that is especially hard for the faithful? The Church is made up of sinful men who fall, but She is also held to a much higher standard. Frankly, the extent to which this abuse occurs should not be happening and compromises her living witness.

Pope Benedict XVI said: "Faith both in the Immaculate Conception and in the bodily Assumption of the Virgin was already present in the People of God, while theology had not yet found the key to interpreting it in the totality of the doctrine of the faith. The People of God therefore precede theologians and this is all thanks to that supernatural sensus fidei, namely, that capacity infused by the Holy Spirit that qualifies us to embrace the reality of the faith with humility of heart and mind. In this sense, the People of God is the 'teacher that goes first' and must then be more deeply examined and intellectually accepted by theology." (General Audience, 7 July 2010)

The people of God are mad. We are not insulated by lawyers and PR firms. Most of us, especially the most outraged, have children and when we look at our children we think of the victims. So, the sensus fidei here is not about issues of doctrine (and may not be an appropriate use of the term), but about 'going first' when our leaders have failed to take suitable action. I'm not talking about policies and procedures, but righteousness, as our Lord said "For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven" (Mt 5:20). This is not a Cesar Chavez kind of people's revolution to call for, not looking to overthrow anything or coup. We just want to see the Church be what She is, what She is meant to be.

This evening I was reading the story of the appearance of Our Lady of Guadalupe to the peasant Juan Diego. It was a telling tale, the story of a simple peasant, Juan Diego, to whom the Virgin came with an instruction to have a church built. He was nervous about having to go to the Bishop because he did not feel he would be believed. He was a nobody, a simple Indian and was regarded as one. But he goes to the Bishop at our Lady's command.

"He returned on the same day. He came directly to the top of the hill, met the Lady from heaven, who was awaiting him, in the same spot where he saw her the first time. Seeing her, prostrated before her, he said: “Lady, the least of my daughters, my Child, I went where you sent me to comply with your command. With difficulty I entered the prelate’s study. I saw him and exposed your message, just as you instructed me. He received me benevolently and listened attentively, but when he replied, it appeared that he did not believe me. He said: “You will return; I will hear you at my pleasure. I will review from the beginning the wish and desire which you have brought.” I perfectly understood by the manner he replied that he believes it to be an invention of mine that you wish that a temple be built here to you, and that it is not your order; for which I exceedingly beg, Lady and my Child, that you entrust the delivery of your message to someone of importance, well known, respected, and esteemed, so that they may believe in him; because I am a nobody, I am a small rope, a tiny ladder, the tail end, a leaf, and you, my Child, the least of my children, my Lady, you send me to a place where I never visit nor repose. Please excuse the great unpleasantness and let not fretfulness befall, my Lady and my All.”

He begs our lady to deliver the message to "someone important," since "He [the bishop] did not believe me." The prospect of going to the diocesan palaces in Mexico City must have been intimidating. But he was chosen, specifically, by the Virgin to carry out her work, for the task at hand.

"The Blessed Virgin answered: “Hark, my son the least, you must understand that I have many servants and messengers, to whom I must entrust the delivery of my message, and carry my wish, but it is of precise detail that you yourself solicit and assist and that through your mediation my wish be complied. I earnestly implore, my son the least, and with sternness I command that you again go tomorrow and see the bishop. You go in my name, and make known my wish in its entirety that he has to start the erection of a temple which I ask of him. And again tell him that I, in person, the ever-virgin Holy Mary, Mother of God, sent you.”

Juan Diego replied:

“Lady, my Child, let me not cause you affliction. Gladly and willingly I will go to comply your mandate. Under no condition will I fail to do it, for not even the way is distressing. I will go to do your wish, but perhaps I will not be heard with liking, or if I am heard I might not be believed."

Juan Diego was regarded by those in the bishop's palace as "the molesting type." He was "pestering them." Does any of this sound familiar, the "little ones" who are trying to do what is right by taking their concerns to the bishop?

"When he reached the bishop’s palace, there came to meet him the majordomo and other servants of the prelate. He begged them to tell the bishop that he wished to see him, but none were willing, pretending not to hear him, probably because it was too early, or because they already knew him as being of the molesting type, because he was pestering them; and, moreover, they had been advised by their co-workers that they had lost sight of him, when they had followed him."

He was treated by the prelates as the nobody he was. But he had a surprise for them.

"He waited a long time. When they saw that he had been there a long time, standing, crestfallen, doing nothing, waiting to be called, and appearing like he had something which he carried in his tilma, they came near him, to see what he had and to satisfy themselves. Juan Diego, seeing that he could not hide what he had, and on account of that he would be molested, pushed or mauled, uncovered his tilma a little, and there were the flowers; and upon seeing that they were all different rosas de Castilla, and out of season, they were thoroughly amazed, also because they were so fresh and in full bloom, so fragrant and so beautiful. They tried to seize and pull some out, but they were not successful the three times they dared to take them. They were not lucky because when then tried to get them, they were unable to see real flowers. Instead, they appeared painted or stamped or sewn on the cloth. Then they went to tell the bishop what they had seen and that the Indian who had come so many times wished to see him, and that he had reason enough so long anxiously eager to see him."

When the truth is revealed, the bishop and all present "fell to their knees" and "shuddered with sorrow, shedding sorrowful tears" for ignoring Our Lady and her servant.

"When the bishop saw the image, he and all who were present fell to their knees. She was greatly admired. They arose to see her; they shuddered and, with sorrow, they demonstrated that they contemplated her with their hearts and minds. The bishop, with sorrowful tears, prayed and begged forgiveness for not having attended her wish and request. When he rose to his feet, he untied from Juan Diego’s neck the cloth on which appeared the Image of the Lady from heaven. Then he took it to be placed in his chapel. Juan Diego remained one more day in the bishop’s house, at his request."

Juan Diego was a simple "little one" who had a message to carry to the Church. Like so many other "little ones" before him who have been entrusted with the secrets of the Kingdom and the requests of Our Lady, he was made suspect, ignored, treated like a peasant, and scoffed at. But it is to these the Kingdom of Heaven belongs, remember. I can't help but draw some rough parallels...maybe not fully connected dots, but at least with regards to my state-I am not a victim and have not suffered trauma at the hands of the Church, but as a simple layman with no clear understanding of what he is to "do" on their behalf and out of love of Christ and His Bride, and who is super intimidated by anything ecclesiastical, I trust the witness of St. Diego and hold him up as a model in this age for us laity: to be simple, to trust Our Lady in love and obedience, to not be afraid, to know the Truth, and to do what we are told in prayer.

St. Juan Diego, pray for us!

"Like A Filthy Ocean"

It rained cats and dogs this morning in our neck of the woods. I was at daily Mass a little before 7:00am when my phone blared an emergency signal--a flash flood warning. As I was driving home from work, after the storm has passed, the road that runs along the creek was closed, roped off. While the bridge I had to cross was fine, the picnic area on the banks of the creek to my right was completely underwater and submerged.

I appreciate fair warning for things like this in my day-to-day life: that is, heads-up from friends on social media, severe weather alerts, google maps for road closings and accidents. We adjust our lives, our routes, our routines in response to such warnings. Otherwise, we might, well, find ourselves underwater.

And yet, it would seem the most important warnings--the warnings of where we are heading for all eternity--are the most unheeded.

That being said, I try not to be an alarmist. I try also to be discerning. I take things with a grain of salt. I trust the Church more than I trust myself to discern these things. I consecrated myself and my family to the Immaculate Heart of Mary on the 100th Anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima. As a family we are devoted to Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal. Fatima and Rue de Bac are apparitions approved by the Catholic Church. Others--such as Medjugorje and Akita...well, to be honest, I have not given them much thought. I assumed they were approved by the local ordinaries, but not by the Church as a whole, and so I don't know what that means for the faithful. I do know people whose lives have been transformed by these places of devotion (Medjugorje, in particular). Personally, I am neither fully devoted nor do I discount them. I understand the Church's role as prudent and necessary for the protection of the faithful when granting approval of such apparitions.

One Marian apparition I did come across recently is Our Lady of Good Success. It was approved by the local bishop, but as to it's approval by the Church as a whole, I'm not informed enough to know. That being said, I am sharing the message imparted and background to be taken at face value, for what it is. You can decide for yourself if it's worth heading. My sources are linked at the bottom of the page. The Virgin's message as recorded from said sources are italicized.

I love Our Lady and am devoted to her, so I am not willing to discount anything, but I try to be discerning as well and not overly-fanatical if such devotion would be erroneous or damaging to spiritual health. I don't know. Maybe someone with better discernment will be able to correct me, but I share the following in that spirit.

--------


From 1594 to 1634, the Virgin Mary appeared to Mother Mariana de Jesús Torres, a nun of the Conceptionist Order in Quito, Ecuador. She received the stigmata and entered into Hell as a victim soul for Jesus, suffering the torments of the damned for five agonizing years.

"A worldwide campaign against the virtues of chastity and purity will succeed in corrupting the youth...evil will invade childhood innocence. The clergy will leave much to be desired because priests will become careless in their sacred duties...Faithful priests upholding the Faith will suffer greatly and will be overwhelmed with vexations in order to stop them from fulfilling their ministry. The precious light of Faith will be extinguished in souls by the almost total corruption of customs."

“The Devil will try to persecute the ministers of the Lord in every possible way; he will labor with cruel and subtle astuteness to deviate them from the spirit of their vocation and will corrupt many of them. These depraved priests, who will scandalise the Christian people, will make the hatred of bad Catholics and the enemies of the Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church fall upon all priests.

This apparent triumph of Satan will bring enormous suffering to the good Pastors of the Church, the many good priests, and the Supreme Pastor and Vicar of Christ on earth, who, a prisoner in the Vatican, will shed secret and bitter tears in the presence of his God and Lord, beseeching light, sanctity and perfection for all the clergy of the world, of whom he is King and Father.”


Early in the morning of January 21, 1610, Mother Mariana was favored by an apparition of the Archangels St. Michael, St. Gabriel and St. Raphael. Then Our Lady appeared and related many predictions:

"Thus I make it known to you that from the end of the 19th century and shortly after the middle of the 20th century, in what is today the Colony and will then be the Republic of Ecuador, the passions will erupt and there will be a total corruption of customs (morals), for Satan will reign almost completely by means of the Masonic sects.

"They will focus principally on the children in order to sustain this general corruption. Woe to the children of these times! It will be difficult to receive the Sacrament of Baptism, and also that of Confirmation... Often during this epoch the enemies of Jesus Christ, instigated by the Devil, will steal consecrated hosts from the churches, so that they might profane the Eucharistic Species...

"As for the Sacrament of Matrimony... it will be attacked and deeply profaned... The Catholic spirit will rapidly decay; the precious light of the Faith will gradually be extinguished... Added to this will be the effects of secular education, which will be one reason for the dearth of priestly and religious vocations.

"The Sacrament of Holy Orders will be ridiculed, oppressed, and despised... The Devil will try to persecute the ministers of the Lord in every possible way; he will labor with cruel and subtle astuteness to deviate them from the spirit of their vocation and will corrupt many of them. These depraved priests, who will scandalize the Christian people, will make the hatred of bad Catholics and the enemies of the Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church fall upon all priests...

"Further, in these unhappy times, there will be unbridled luxury, which will ensnare the rest into sin and conquer innumerable frivolous souls, who will be lost. Innocence will almost no longer be found in children, nor modesty in women. In this supreme moment of need of the Church, the one who should speak will fall silent."



In February of 1634, Mother Mariana was praying before the Blessed Sacrament, when the sanctuary lamp extinguished itself and the Blessed Virgin explained to her the five meanings of the extinguishing of the Tabernacle light:

I.

"The first significance is that at the end of the 19th century and into the 20th century, various heresies will be propagated in this land, then a free Republic. As these heresies spread and dominate, the precious light of Faith will be extinguished in souls by the almost total corruption of customs (morals). During this period, there will be great physical and moral calamities, both public and private.

"The small number of souls who, hidden, will preserve the treasure of the Faith and the virtues will suffer an unspeakably cruel and prolonged martyrdom. Many of them will succumb to death from the violence of their sufferings, and those who sacrifice themselves for Church and Country will be counted as martyrs.

"In order to free men from bondage to these heresies, those whom the merciful love of My Most Holy Son will destine for that restoration will need great strength of will, constancy, valor and much confidence in God. To test this faith and confidence of the just, there will be occasions when everything will seem to be lost and paralyzed. This, then, will be the happy beginning of the complete restoration."

II.

"The second meaning," Our Lady said, "is that My Convent, being greatly reduced in size, will be submerged in a fathomless ocean of indescribable bitterness, and will seem to be drowning in these diverse waters of tribulations." Many authentic vocations will perish, She continued. Injustice would enter even this Convent, "disguised under the name of false charity, wreaking havoc in souls." And faithful souls, weeping in secret and imploring that such dire times be shortened, would suffer a continuous and slow martyrdom.

III.

"The third reason the lamp was extinguished is because of the spirit of impurity that will saturate the atmosphere in those times. Like a filthy ocean, it will run through the streets, squares and public places with an astonishing liberty.

"There will be almost no virgin souls in the world," Our Lady told her. The delicate flower of virginity would be threatened by complete annihilation. However, She promised that there would always be some good souls in cloisters where it might take root, grow and live like a shield to deflect Divine Wrath. "Without virginity," She said, "it would be necessary for fire from Heaven to fall upon these lands to purify them."

IV.

The fourth reason for the lamp being quenched is that the Masonic sects, having infiltrated all the social classes, would subtly introduce its teaching into domestic ambiences in order to corrupt the children, and the Devil would glory in dining upon the exquisite delicacy of the hearts of children.

"During these unfortunate times," Our Lady foretold, "evil will assault childhood innocence. In this way, vocations to the priesthood will be lost, which will be a true calamity."

Again Our Lady promised that during this time there would still be religious communities who will sustain the Church and holy ministers of the altar—hidden and beautiful souls, who will labor with valor and disinterested zeal for the salvation of souls. "Against them," She warned, "the impious will rage a cruel war, letting fall on them vituperations, calumnies and vexations in order to impede the fulfillment of their ministry. But they, like firm columns, will remain unswerving and will confront everything with the spirit of humility and sacrifice with which they will be vested, by virtue of the infinite merits of My Most Holy Son, Who will love them in the innermost fibers of His Most Holy and Tender Heart."

During this time, Our Lady foretold, "the secular clergy will be far removed from its ideal, because the priests will become careless in their sacred duties. Lacking the Divine compass, they will stray from the road traced by God for the priestly ministry and they will become attached to wealth and riches, which they will unduly strive to obtain.

"How the Church will suffer on that occasion—the dark night of the lack of a Prelate and Father to watch over them with paternal love, gentleness, strength, discernment and prudence. Many priests will lose their spirit, placing their souls in great danger."

Our Lady continued to explain the fourth reason for the extinguishing of the Tabernacle light: "Therefore, pray insistently without tiring and weep with bitter tears in the secrecy of your heart. Implore our Celestial Father that, for the love of the Eucharistic Heart of My Most Holy Son and His Precious Blood shed with such generosity... He might take pity on His ministers and bring to an end those ominous times, and send to the Church the Prelate who will restore the spirit of Her priests.

"My Most Holy Son and I will love this favored Son with a love of predilection, and We will gift Him with a rare capacity, humility of heart, docility to Divine inspiration, the strength to defend the rights of the Church, and a tender and compassionate heart, so that, like another Christ, He will assist the great and small, without despising the more unfortunate souls who ask Him for light and counsel in their doubts and hardships. Into His hands the scales of the Sanctuary will be placed, so that everything is weighed with due measure and God will be glorified."

Our Lady continued, "The lukewarmness of all the souls consecrated to God in the priestly and religious state will delay the coming of this Prelate and Father. This, then, will be the cause of the cursed Devil taking possession of this land, where he will achieve his victories by means of a foreign and faithless people, so numerous that, like a black cloud, it will obscure the pure heavens of the then Republic consecrated to the Sacred Heart of My Divine Son.

"With these people, all the vices will enter, which will attract in their turn every type of chastisement, such as plagues, famines, internal fighting and external disputes with other nations, and apostasy, the cause of the perdition of so many souls so dear to Jesus Christ and to Me.

"In order to dissipate this black cloud which prevents the Church from enjoying the clear day of liberty, there will be a formidable and frightful war, which will see the bloodshed of countrymen and foreigners, of secular and regular priests, and of religious. That night will be most horrible, for, humanly speaking, evil will seem to triumph.

"This, then, will mark the arrival of My hour, when I, in a marvelous way will dethrone the proud and cursed Satan, trampling him under My feet and fettering him in the infernal abyss. Thus the Church and Country will finally be free of his cruel tyranny."

V.

The fifth reason that the lamp was extinguished is due to the laxity and the negligence of those who possess great wealth, who will indifferently stand by and watch the Church being oppressed, virtue being persecuted, and the triumph of the Devil, without piously employing their riches for the destruction of this evil and the restoration of the Faith. And it is also due to the indifference of the people in allowing the Name of God to be gradually extinguished and in adhering to the spirit of evil, freely delivering themselves over to vices and passions.


More here and here.

Our Lady of Good Success, pray for us!