Running The Numbers: Surving the Winter With Unorthodox Heating Techniques

 

TL;DR synopsis: this is a non-religious, math-heavy, dad-centric, boring Saturday night post. 

Due to the war and the skyrocketing cost of energy, a quarter of those living in the UK do not plan to turn their heat on at all this winter.

I feel their pain. Our neighborhood does not have a natural gas line; we heat with oil (hydronic baseboard). I have played around with the idea of various alternatives; my neighbor switched to propane, one friend supplements with a wood stove, others extol electric heat pumps.

Because we got a new oil boiler 7 years ago, I'm not inclined to switch to propane for a nominal savings in fuel cost. I did get a quote on a wood stove + install ($9,500) which was too rich for my blood. Plus in talking with my friend who has one, he gets cold outside the 75 degrees he keeps his house, so it might soften us inadvertently.

With temps dropping below freezing this week, our family is acclimating to the cold, both outside the house and inside of it. Thankfully, we have a two-zone heating system (separate thermostats for upstairs and downstairs) which saves on fuel. In a typically heating season in the Northeast, we will go through approximately 300 gallons of heating oil for a 2,000 square foot house. 

I am currently figuring the cost/benefit of a single head ductless mini split install + operating costs in order to offset oil usage versus using...a series of simple 1,500w space heaters. People rave about the superiority of heat pumps, but the issue is not as straightforward as you might think. 

The estimate I received from an HVAC guy who stopped by is $6k per head/condenser for a ductless mini-split heat pump. 15 year average lifespan (versus 20-25 for a boiler). That's $400/yr avg (without the cost of electricity)

Heat pumps are 2.5x more efficient than electric space heater, (250% efficiency for heat pump vs 100% efficiency for space heater). So to run a space heater for 8 hrs/day x $.16/kWh is $1.92/day during the heating season. These units are extremely uncomplicated and reliable. If it croaks for whatever reason, I would just buy another one for $10 or so. There is (or at least should be) an inherent advantage and consideration in ease of use, reliability, and simplicity.

HOWEVER, there are three additional factors when it comes to heat pumps that I think many of the green-folks either don't admit or don't take into consideration:

1) heat pumps lose efficiency below 32 degrees F

2) heat pumps use a 'ghost load" of approximately 150 watt-hours during defrost cycle to keep the condenser coils from freezing.

3) heat pumps need to run 24/7, they don't do well "turning them down" at night. It's "set it and forget it"

An unorthodox practice that I have been employing experimentally for the past week is "heat the person, not the house." It's actually been working well, surprisingly, and is incredibly efficient. The idea is to have a series of ceramic space heaters in each room, and turn them on and off as I work, or as we relax in the family room, etc. Basically, only heat where you are. The upstairs and downstairs thermostats would be set to 55 (an acceptable temperature to ensure pipes don't freeze during very cold weather).

The things that get overlooked in the total cost comparison with heat pumps is a) the cost of the unit and installation averaged over it's lifespan; and b) annual maintenance servicing costs

So, I could zone heat during day with space heater downstairs in the family room for 8hrs/day during waking hours and turn off at night for $1.92/day. A heat pump would cost about the same ($1.54) for 24 hrs, and would obviously produce more BTUs, but would unnecessarily be heating at night. Factor in yearly service costs as well ($125/yr?) and you are looking at $400 unit+installation cost/yr averaged; +$125/yr service; +$275 cost of electricity for six month heating season. For a total of $800/yr

The space heater cost me $10. Cost of running it for 8hrs/day for six months is $345. It does not lose efficiency depending on ambient external temp. No maintenance. So, the total cost per year is $345. With oil at $5.50/gal and our oil boiler 87% efficient, electric space heating (which is 100% efficient) is on par price wise with oil now, per equivalent BTU. So, if I got a single heat pump I would be more efficient from an energy usage standpoint, but it would still cost me $445/yr more than running a space heater at this point, apples to apples.

Anyway, just one way to think outside the box this winter; zoned space-heating may not work for everyone, or even be preferable; take it for what it’s worth. But for some families, it may just help them survive the winter without going bankrupt.  

Make Do Or Do Without

 

I think everyone just about now is feeling the pinch of inflation and the rising price of just about everything. Although we have a handful of well-off friends and family who are generally padded from these monetary increases in the price of goods and services, a large majority are just regular, single income families with more than a few mouths to feed who already may have a tight budget. It can be tough to absorb these incremental hikes, and for some it literally is the difference of which bill to pay this month, or what thing in their house they have to sell to make ends meet. 

I'm generally not a fan of the "10 Money Saving Ideas" fluffy articles out there, but for a changeup I'm offering some of the pragmatic things our family has tried to implement to stay within our means. I'll try to gear it towards ordinary families (so nothing too off the wall, like "Just ride a bike everywhere!" or "Live in a van!" Hopefully you'll find them useful.

Energy

Our electric company just sent out a notice that our rates will be increasing 8% starting June 1st. Just in time for summer, yay! 

I will say, though, it's a bit of a game for me when I get the "how you compare to your neighbors" emails each month. In our state, our electric is 14 cents per kilowatt-hr (before the increase, a pretty average rate for all of the U.S.), and the average monthly bill is $161/mo for an average 1,141 kwh per month usage. In the email I get, "All Neighbors" with a comparable 2,000 sq ft house average 1,021 kwh per month, and the "Efficient Neighbors" average 639 kwh. And then there's us, coming in at 513 kwh per month, which is 20% less than the most efficient neighbors. We have an electric range and an electric hot water heater (no natural gas line), and heat our house with oil. So, there a few things we do to keep our average electric bill around $80/month:

-LED BULBS. When we moved in seven years ago, our electric company had an incentive program for CREE LED bulbs, which at the time were pretty expensive but had a lifespan of 25 years with average use. I think I got them for $4 each with the incentive program, but other manufacturers have brought the price way down (you can get them at the dollar store now for a buck a piece, though the lifespan is not as long). Some people complain they "don't like the harsh light," but that's not a result of incadescent vs CFL vs LED, but the wavelength of the light, measured in kelvin. You want a "soft white," which is generally around 2,700K. If you get the 5,000K or above ("daylight"), it's more like a harsh growlight, and I don't find them very relaxing. But for the 2,700K LED bulbs, it's hard to tell a difference between them and incadenscents of the same wavelength. They use a fraction of the electricity and last easily 20 times as long. I replaced every bulb in the house, and believe me, my kids are not good about turning off lights! This has saved us a lot on electricity.

-CLOTHES DRYING. 20 years ago I found a "butterfly" drying rack out to trash, and we have been using it ever since. They are about $15 or so for this style. We have an older but workhorse top-load washer (so, not an energy-efficient front loader) I bought used on Craigslist for $50 (more on this later), and the rack can handle an entire load of laundry. We actually have two racks now, so if we happen to do two loads we can hang both loads at the same time. In the past, I have used clothes lines, but I found sometimes it would rain, or the birds would poop or whatever, and so we have a lot more control with the racks inside. We do have a dryer, but we almost never use it. Clothes dryers are huge energy hogs (using about 3,000 watts on average), so this takes a big bite out of our electric bill. Generally, we will do a load of laundry a few times a week in the late afternoon, and hang the laundry on the rack (which takes about 5 minutes, and is kind of relaxing). By morning, they are dry (no joke). I know a lot of big families do a lot of laundry, but hanging clothes is still doable if you do a load every evening, hang it, and by morning it is dry. Clothes last longer, you don't have to worry about your dryer wearing out, and I find the clothes don't shrink either. Oh, and we make our own powdered laundry soap with borax, washing soda, and dove soap in the food processor. A penny a load, and no detergents. Works great. Always wash on cold setting--makes no difference for getting clothes cleaner if you use "warm" or "hot" setting. 

-RINSING DISHES, WASHING HANDS, SHOWERS, ETC. We have a dishwasher, that does require hot water, but not a ton. It saves a good amount of water over hand washing; we don't generally pre-rinse dishes, just throw them in, I just make sure to clean the dishwasher filter periodically. I get powdered dish detergent at Walmart pretty cheap (not worth making your own) and it works great. When we do rinse pots and pans, I always use cold water. Same for washing hands, etc. For things like that, the time it takes for hot water to get to the tap, it doens't make sense to run the hot faucet because you're just drawing it away from the water heater before it leaves the tap, wasting electricity. For showers, I did replace one of our showerheads with a low-flow (but very strong) 1.5 gallons per minute showerhead for about $10. This saves hot water, which saves electricity. Well worth it, and for some of the better ones there is no discernable difference between that and a 2.5 gallons per minute showerhead. Personally, I like to take cold showers in the evening to cool off in our master bath (which doesn't have a low-flow showerhead)...I realize it's a matter of a few cents, so not a huge deal, but it does prolongue the life of our water heater too. 

-AIR CONDITIONING. We are fortunate that our home is from 1957, but designed in a way that minimizes energy losses. Part of the first floor is half below grade (split level), so even when it's 90 degrees  outside the downstairs stays around 73 or so. The upstairs three bedrooms are a little warmer, but the tough one is our master bedroom, which is directly below the roof (it was an addition) with skylights that help in winter to warm, but can be brutal in summer since they are south facing. Ideally, I would put 90% UV shadecloth over the exterior of them, which can make a huge difference, but necessitates getting on the roof which is a pain. As a compromise, I put them up with suction cups on the inside, and it still lets a lot of light in but cuts a good bit of heat. We have central air, which we run when it gets really hot mid-summer, but I generally don't turn it on until July, and even then I set the thermostat to 80. Believe it or not, your body does acclimate. We also use a box fan to blow directly on us while we sleep, which helps a lot too. I do have a portable AC unit (window units are much better efficiency wise, and cheaper, but our windows don't raise up enough to allow one, so I had to go the portable AC route). This allows us to just cool our room when we sleep to take the edge off, and since our central AC unit is 20 years old, it keeps us from having to use it too much and cooling the whole house when really it's only our bedroom that gets hot. If you do have central AC, or even window units, be sure to clean the screens at least once before the start of the season, so they don't get clogged and bog down the unit. When we are not running AC, it helps to have a dual-fan window fan and set one to exhaust and one to blow in, with the windows open in the evening when it is cooler. This exhausts the warm air and brings in cooler air. Then during the day, you close the windows to trap the cooler air in, and open them again and run the fan in the evening. Obviously, if it's 80 degrees outside in the evening, it won't help much, but from May-July and late August to end of September in our region, it keeps us from using the AC.

CAST-IRON/INDUCTION COOKTOP. I love cast iron (see why, here), but a cool bonus feature is you can use an induction cooktop with it, which heats by magnetism. It keeps the kitchen much cooler in summer than the range, uses a fraction of the electricity, and heats up food twice as fast. I got a single burner unit for something like $35. Works great and, again, prolongues the life of our electric range.

Food

We have a ten year old boy, a nine year old girl, and a four year old boy, plus my wife and I. I try to hit Aldi once a week, and my bill ranges from $100-$120. My kids do love snack-type stuff, and I find Aldi is very reasonably priced for these things. Milk, sugar, eggs, flour, etc...they are no cheaper than your average super market. We try to eat a healthy, balanced diet, but are not super-health conscious. 

One of the things I picked up years ago is cooking a lot of developing-world recipes. So, Mexican, Vietnamese, Thai, Filipino, African, Indian. I typically get good Basmati or Jasmine rice in at least 10 pound bags. I also buy dried beans, and we have an Instantpot that is great for cooking batches of beans and chickpeas. Lentils are good protein (I prefer red lentils). Also barley, quinoa or millet, and textured vegetable protein (TVP) is a good "bulker" for chilis and stews. I buy bushels of tomatoes at the local orchard that are 2nd quality (can hardly tell, though) for $12 a bushel and freeze them whole. We did inherit a chest freezer from my father in law when he passed, so will probably have more capacity to store them in the future. Same goes for 2nds apples, peaches, potatoes, peppers, zuchini, eggplant, etc. Good to eat seasonally, but when you can't, freezing can help to get you through the winter. 

My garden is an exercise in futility, so I can't brag about massive crops of things, since the deer, woodchucks, and squirrels seem to foil my well-laid plans each season. Every single Asian pear this year got plucked before they had a chance to please me. We did harvest a good amount of asparagus, which comes back each year without planting for 25 years, and grows quickly early in the season. If you have a garden, just consider it a bonus, not something to count on, and then you won't be disappointed like me. 

We eat meat, but not a lot, and not every day. Nothing against it, it's more of an economic decision. I'll get chicken breasts for 99 cents a pound and freeze them; hamburger sometimes, an occasional steak. But if we do have meat, it's not big portions. We try to supplement with potatoes (sweet and white), rice, vegetables, etc. Cook at home. It will save you a ton of money. We do have to reign in the convenience Chik-fil-a and Wawa when my wife is running around with the kids. That can add up. Death by a thousand cuts. Breakfast is probably the cheapest meal--we do oatmeal, pancakes and waffles from scratch, cereal, grits. I make granola sometimes. Eggs have gotten expensive, but we love eggs. Don't raise chickens to save money, do it because you like chickens. Milk has gotten expensive too, so I've been experimenting with making homemade oatmilk using rolled oats and the Vitamix, and it turns out pretty good, but it's a tough sell for the kids. Nobody wants cookies and oatmilk. 

I know this isn't popular opinion, but much of the American diet consists in overeating. We eat out of boredom, for comfort, and larger portions than we probably need to sustain ourselves. Portion control is good, and periodic fasting (Ember days this week W/F/Sat) is spiritually beneficial, but also has the ancillary effect of reducing consumption. Fasting regularly during Lent I think shrunk my stomach, too, so at the very least don't rule it out as an option to grow spiritually and also trim your grocery bill.

Appliances

A lot of people get taken in by the "bells and whistles" of modern appliances. But planned obsolescence is a bitch. They are made to break! Like I said, when our washer went, I found an older Whirlpool top loader on Craigslist for $50 and hooked it up myself (watch a Youtube video if you don't know how, it's not complicated). It's a workhorse! My parents had a Maytag for thirty years and it was still running when they sold their house! Our fridge is newer, but running strong. I did have it repaired once. We don't have an icemaker (I disconnected it after a water line burst years ago, and so I'm paranoid), or a garbage disposal. When our dishwasher went, I did buy one on sale, but my buddy and I installed it ourselves. I mentioned using the induction cooktop instead of the range, and not using the dryer much. Hm, what else is there? Not sure. Buy used if you can--the new stuff will wow you and appeal to your ascetic sensibilities, but the manufacturers know that, and they make them cheap. Go for nice looking functional. 

Transportation

This can be a tricky one. We just got back from vacation, 800 miles round trip in a Prius--all five of us. We packed pretty light, but it also held a lot. The kids were fine, and I thanked my wife for agreeing to it rather than taking the Explorer (she was fine as well). I know not everyone can do this, or even wants to drive a more fuel efficient car, but it can help if you can. I think electric cars are cool but very limited. Hybrids have advantages, as do diesels. I try to ride my electric bike for short trips and commuting (again, not possible for everyone), and it's a very efficient and cheap way to get around. We don't live in an urban area. Combining trips wherever possible is good practice too. Again, if you are in a rural area, you're getting jacked at the pump right now. But choose your cars like you choose a spouse--wisely. Take into account overall cost, reliability, and fuel and maintenance. Buy used, private party, with cash if you can. You save on insurance (because when you are financing you need to have comp and collision, which can double your rates), and if your cars are older just carry high liability and bank the difference if you were financing to account for getting hit by a deer, or if you run into a pole or something and it's your fault. 

Craigslist

I've been doing this less, but occasionally I will flip furniture I find for free for a little side money, or build bikes, or something. My car gets 50mpg, so I don't mind driving a little to pick stuff up if it's within half an hour. Don't do it if it's not worth your time or energy. I keep my garage uncluttered, so when I pick up a dresser or something, I have room for it, and then list it on Craiglist. I also offer to deliver, which some people find helpful. Our entire house is furnished (nicely) with stuff from Craigslist, some bought very cheap, most free, with the execption of our dining room table which was a wedding gift). Never buy new furniture if you are serious about saving money, especially if you have kids. Old stuff was made to last and can be had for pennies on the dollar. Thankfully it fits the decor of our 1950's house. It is wild how much new furniture costs! You can also sell stuff around the house, with the added bonus of reducing clutter and making a more pleasant living environment. We all have too much stuff! After spending the past week in a nice 2 bedroom/1 bath, 500 square foot cottage, we realized we have a ton of stuff we don't need, and it inspired us to pare down a bit! 

Vacations

Vacations can be nice, but can also be a pain. Sometimes you need a vacation after the vacation (especially with kids!). If you're on a tight budget, day trips are great. Pack a lunch, hit a park or the beach (if you are near one). Personally, I am not a fan of pre-packaged experiences like Disnsey World. Camping can be fun and low-budget, but understandably not for everyone. We did get a pool membership this year for $500, which should get us a lot of mileage (we were paying $1,200 a year previously for a Y membership just for the pool, so this saves us a good chunk of change, since I never worked out there and found it unnecessary). While we were away, we went to a local pond (no charge), and the kids swam and played in the sand. We cooked at the cottage (which we booked for pre-peak rates and it was very reasonable). In the past, we had gone to minor-league ball games and just laid out a blanket, which was fun and free. Get creative. Your kids don't care how much money you spend, but making memories is a neat thing to do for them if you can.

Housing 

Buy the smallest house in the nicest neighborhood you can afford, and location is everything, as the saying goes. Keep an eye for hidden gems if you are in the market. It's a tough landscape now, so I feel for you! Don't buy more house than you need, being house poor sucks. Be mindful of resale value. Don't neglect to take property taxes into account. If you homeschool, school districts may not be as much of a consideration, but better school districts tend to have higher cost houses (but also maintain their value). Get a fifteen year mortgage if you can swing it, or if the interest rate isn't much higher a thirty year and pre-pay the mortgage as you are able (makes more sense with 5% interest rates than it did a few years ago when they were hovering around 3%). Think of what you need rather than what you want, and keep things in perspective. And pray to St. Joseph to ask for his help!

Phew, that was more than I expected to write. Maybe you found it helpful? Remember to be grateful for everything God has blessed you with and give thanks and you will always feel rich--even if you aren't. Feel free to comment!

Family Charity And The Impending Recession

It seems pretty clear that we are heading towards an economic recession, which will affect the lives of Americans and our global neighbors of all social strata. But the most economically vulnerable always take the brunt of such weight. While some of my friends are getting into prepper mode, and others are buying up commodities, I find myself preparing from a less pragmatic angle: how do we serve and become a 'house of respite' as a family with what God has given us when SHTF?

When I read The Cure d'Ars a couple years ago, it was this passage about John Vianney's parents--rather than the saint's later life as a cure, edifying as it was to read of his commitment to the holy priesthood and the salvation of souls--that made an impression on me: 

"Love of the poor was the only rival love that divided his young heart with Jesus and His Blessed Mother. The child was, it is true, in a school where he could scarcely fail to learn to love the poor. Matthew Vianney's house was open to them like a wayside fountain. It was a common thing for as many as twenty poor people to turn in there of a night for food and shelter. In the summer time Matthew housed them in the barn ; but on winter nights he would light a great fire of fagots in the kitchen, set a big pot of potatoes on it, and when they were boiled serve them, and divide the meal between his children and the poor. When the last potato had disappeared he said night prayers aloud, and then conducted his guests to the hayloft, taking care that they were secure from the cold and wind, and as comfortable as his scant accommodation could make them. 

The Christian laborer entertained many an angel unawares, no doubt, amongst these strangers. One cold winter's night there knocked at his door a pilgrim who was destined one day to shine in the calendar of the Church. The traveller who tarries on his way through Dardilly is sure to hear, as of a great glory that lives in the tradition of the village, how, on his way to a neighboring shrine, Benedict Joseph Labre slept one night under the roof of Matthew Vianney." 

St. Benedict immediately gave away his inheritance and set off to be a hermit of the desert, while St. Katherine Drexel used her sizable family wealth in the direct service of the poor. Venerable Aloysius Schwartz had to wrestle with his desire to be a poor missionary priest in the slums of South Korea with God's will that he be used as an administrator to raise millions of dollars through a charitable non-profit to serve the poor there.

Matthew Vianney (the father of St. John Vianney), however, was a poor laborer rather than a man of means, a husband and father rather than a religious. In the wake of the French Revolution, a time of uncertainty and suffering for many in France, he did not stock up on canned beans and guns (well, who knows) and build a bunker, but instead with his wife opened up his humble homes to the poor flocking to the country side and shared the meager spread of their table with those who were hungry. 

This is not the kind of response most of us are accustomed to, especially as Americans. It almost requires a kind of 'reprogramming' to loosen the grips on what we possess materially during times of scarcity. Our natural, base response is typically to hoard and protect, or drop the crusts from our sandwiches of excess. This is not to judge those who (as one example) lived through and were scarred by the effects of the Great Depression. The instinct to survive changes a man in ways he may never know, and he may do things he always said he would never do. 

But it does give us the opportunity as Christians to reflect on the question, "what have I been given, and what am I being called to give in service of God and neighbor during times of great collective need?"

When we reflect on the words of our Lord in scripture, "What merit is it to you to love those who love you? Do not tax collectors do that?" (Mt 5:46) we can apply this admonition to love to our more typical approach of sharing from our excess and thinking we are admirable servants of charity. For the parents of John Vianney, what little they had, they shared in direct service.

I'll admit, it is often easier to cut a check. We have written mortgage payments and utility bills for struggling families (those who often fall through the gap with slightly-higher-than-poverty-level incomes who are not eligible for food stamps and public assistance), and donated to various charitable organizations, but I don't think this is enough. For one thing, it does not model visible, lived charity to our children. That is what struck me about the example of the Vianney's--their home was a "school of charity" which formed the character of the impressionable Jean. As St. Paul says, "be imitators of me" (1 Cor 4:15-16) and gave himself as a model of faith, hope and charity in the flesh. There is a reason students do not become nurses or doctors or teachers through online-only instruction--their profession dictates they learn their field through practicums, clinical rotations, student teaching, etc.--in other words, they need to "see how it's done" in real life. 

There is a part of me that is frugal by nature as a way of padding myself from the uncertainties of life. I take more comfort in a few extra thousand dollars in the bank than an RV or an expensive vacation. I don't mind working hard, and hustling on the side. Part of this is prudential stewardship, and part of it is a less admirable means of control and lack of trust in Divine Providence. I was never modeled charity as a child; my father, though generous with his children, felt that the government's job was to provide for those in need, not his, and that is why he pays taxes. Part of my "unlearning" as an adult Christian is how to truly trust that God will provide for our needs, and that we will be judged on our charity when we die. And that judgement may be harsh.

John Vianney is a model priest of spiritual charity. He spent hours and hours in the confessional and ran himself ragged to save souls. But where did he learn such charity? Maybe his father had something to do with that with his humble example of corporal family charity that addressed need in times of national hardship that gave not from excess, but from his meager allotment as a peasant. 

I get the feeling that we are in for a good world of hurt as a country in the ensuing few years, and who knows how long it will last. There will be no shortage of opportunities to be of service to the Lord, but it may not be by walling ourselves in church exclusively. It may involve the uncomfortable, active charity that the Lord is giving us the opportunity to cultivate as a means of growing in virtue and service. We may have to get creative as well, and think about our particular family circumstances and means in light of the needs of our neighbors. Charity may be hard to practice, but it's not rocket science to learn. The learning comes by doing.

We may even find ourselves on the receiving end of pink slips or economic misfortune. But I don't think even that excuses us from the need to serve. St Peter had no money but healed a crippled man (Acts 3:6). The holy St. John the Baptist told those who wanted to be saved, “The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do the same” (Lk 3:11). And our Lord put in the simplest terms possible, "And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward" (Mt 10:42). What is more important to us--a life of pleasant leisure, a padded bank account, a weekend boat in the driveway--or our eternal reward which demands we do more than just the minimum?

Perhaps it is a change of perspective as well, the way one may fail to quit an addiction by will-power alone, or through fear of health consequences. Perhaps he needs to see life on the other side not as deprivation from a substance, but of fulfillment through freedom from slavery. 

Likewise, when it comes to charity, God gives us so many daily opportunities to give, to empty ourselves, to grow in virtue, to serve our neighbor, to practice goodwill, to endure suffering and want as means to sanctification. We can be prudent and creative. We can be responsible and charitable. We can find pleasure not in some trivial recreation or object of desire, but in the opportunity to multiply our talents for the good of our neighbor and the advancement of the Kingdom. It is hard to do during unsettling times of national insecurity and economic disruption when the rubber hits the road. But we can have faith that that reward will not be lost in the spiritual economy, even for the smallest act done with love and concern for those most in need of it. God is not a liar. For our part, we must have faith as well that he was not being allegorical, but literal, when it comes the requirements of the discipleship of charity. 

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

The Case For Frugality In The Christian Life

Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, `Who is the LORD?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

(Prov 30:8)

The Book of Proverbs speaks of the many "traps" the disciple is to be on guard against. Traps against adulterous women (Prov 7); fear of men (Prov 29:25); laziness and deceit (Prov 26). Etc.

The wisdom of Solomon is in the order of things. Of course his father David, and he himself, was entrusted with kingdoms and riches, yet he writes, "give me neither poverty nor riches." Of course this squares with the example of the storing up (and rotting) of the manna in the wilderness in Exodus, and our Lord's words in the Our Father to "give us this day our daily bread." Our Lord gives us warning in the parable of the Rich Fool not to store up to much so that we can just "eat, drink, and be merry" lest we be caught of guard at the Judgment (Lk 12:19).

This is very much the attitude in the secular financial blogs I read--to work your tail off and make bank early, let compound interest and investments build momentum, retire at 40, and live the good life in travel and leisure, often at the expense of the decision not to have oh-so-expensive children.

Their strategies are often good, but for Christians we have a different mindset. All we have is a gift to be used and given back to God for His glory and the benefit of our brothers and sisters in need. That doesn't mean we "can't have nice things," but sometimes we take liberties with this to unwittingly 'entrap' ourselves with lifestyle inflation that we find can get sometimes put us in a pickle later on.

What do I mean? Well, often our difficulties in finances comes down to the discrimination between wants and needs. We also need to balance our faith in Divine Providence with prudential stewardship and planning for unforeseen events, retirement, giving, etc. We are still expected to manage our finances, but in light of the Gospel. For the family, this will look different than a religious, who like St. Martin de Porres or St. Francis, may have more liberties to give away everything he has to the poor to follow Christ. 

This is not as much a theological post, but a nuts and bolts primer on the sometimes touchy subject of finances in the Christian life. It's also just my personal perspective, what has worked for us and may not apply to everyone, but one may find some useful bits here and there on the how and why of frugality in the Christian life. 

1. True freedom is found in Christ. But prudent management of finances also holds a degree of freedom. Money is not "an interesting luxury, nothing more, " as Che Guevera once said (truly woke!). It is practically essential to our livelihood, and few can live without it. But since it is not money itself, but the love of money which is the root of all evil (1 Tim 6:10), we can regard it like the internet--a tool of neutrality, to be used for good or conversely, selfish purposes. 

My dad used to say, "Money means options." There is some truth in this, as long as you are not ruled by it. We all know the psychological studies of "choice paralysis" that have been done in supermarkets--sometimes too many choices, too many options, inhibits and paralyzes our faculties; limit choices to a few and it becomes easier. And, of course, as the Notorious B.I.G. said, "Mo Money, Mo Problems." Again, I think this goes back to the sensibilities of Solomon, "give me neither riches nor poverty." We neither want to forget our reliance on Providence, nor compromise our morals due to destitution.

2. Freedom in finances can free you up to more charity, more children, and more peace of mind. I have spoken to friends, and it was our story as well, that dual income/daycare is a kind of trap--most people realize daycare is not worth it after 3 kids, so people will unconsciously panic at having more when that's in the equation. Not to mention if you choose private school, you internally multiply it by how many kids and you get a little more...closed off to welcoming life. 

3. Hard work is a reward in it's own right. What happens when you sit around all day, not working, living a life of leisure? You get soft. You get spoiled. You get isolated. There is solidarity in work, and reward in labor. It feels good to put a hard day's work in, either with the body or the mind, so we are compensated not just monetarily, but with the satisfaction of contributing, producing, and being pushed a little beyond just eating, drinking, and being merry. Leisure is more appreciated, because it is partaken in in the shade provided by work. I have worked since I was twelve years old, and though none of my jobs were particularly high paying, I gained a lot of satisfaction in delivering newspapers, testing welds in a propane factory, editing blueprints for an architect, waiting table and washing dishes, working as a bike courier, a teacher, a swimming pool cleaner, and probably twenty other jobs I can't recall now. Work gives us perspective, and is central to a man's identity and sense of self. 

4. Living on one income as a family and budgeting accordingly is an admirable and necessary goal. This is an important one. It requires a good hard look at one's finances, budget, assessment of needs versus wants, and everyone being on board. It provides a buffer, ironically, against unforeseen circumstances more so than when both spouses are working. Even if both are, budgeting on one income can lead to a healthier emergency fund and frees one from other expenses and 'convenience buying,' which equates to less stress, which is healthier for a marriage and for one's health, and less financial precariousness. 

Think it can't be done, especially with a large family? Check out this Catholic family of 15 doing just that. 

5. Adjusting one's tastes and habits to acclimate to a lower threshold of expectation leads to greater enjoyment of the "little things." Have you ever wondered why so many superstars and wealthy tycoons are so unhappy? After a while, it just becomes a matter of 'zeros' (ie, the difference between $100,000,000 and $1,000,000,000) and you lose perspective on the value of money. I heard once some studies done was that happiness does not increase after a certain salary; a kind of 'sweet spot' for meeting needs and wants after which point the contentment factor levels off. 

Personally, I do not gain any enjoyment out of 'entertainment' that is marketed to me (ie, things like Disney World, resorts, etc). I don't like 'manufactured fun.' Over the years I have learned to tune out what I should be spending my money on into what I want to spend my money on. And I found that it doesn't take much, often. A trip to get ice cream for the kids can be as big a sense of enjoyment as a trip to the waterpark for kids that have been more or less trained in this way. Camping, a trip to the beach, or a hike in a local park can be as enjoyable an outing as something more commercialized that might cost ten times as much. 

The rich don't have this luxury (ironic use of term). There comes with wealth a certain expectation, and the rich who are attuned to it know that 'everyone is out to get something from you.' Of course much of the arts, culture, etc is financed by the rich, so they serve their place in society, especially for artists, laborers, etc., who would not have work were it not for the financers.  But there is sometimes, I suspect, an unhappiness and a desire to go back to the simpler days before they came into wealth when they could appreciate these little things that cost little to no money. Happiness is not dependent on money--probably one of the biggest lies we have been fed in our consumer culture. Which brings me to my next point.

6. Marketing will employ every means available, including psychology, to part your money from you. It is relentless, and you have to be attuned to it. We are trained to think we can not have a good time without buying, financing, or traveling to x place. We're subtlly led to believe that we love our kids more if we buy them nice things and shower them with gifts at Christmas, and that if we don't we are depriving them. It's all. A. Lie. When you are separated from your money, it cannot work for you, and a dollar spent today may be five dollars less you have a few years from now due to lost opportunity cost. 

7. Buy used cars. Sensible millionaires employ this, because they know that cars depreciate as soon as you drive them off the lot; let someone else take the hit. Don't finance. You also save on insurance premiums, because when you finance you don't have the option to go liability (with high coverage), but need to add comp and collision as well. Plus you don't have to worry as much if it gets dinged or nicked in the parking lot. Let's face it, if you have kids, that 'new car smell' will wear off pretty quick anyway. They only come to pillage and destroy!

8. Give. Ten percent if you can, less if you can't, more if you can. Everything we have is God's. Support your parish, support your brothers and sisters in need. No one says you have to donate to established charities (often with high overhead). We have organically written mortgage checks, electric bills, etc, for Catholic families we knew in need with money set aside for this purpose for families that may have had trouble getting assistance through more regulatory channels. Remember, everything you give, God gives back one hundred fold. Worry less about who is 'deserving' and just give it away like Zacchaeus (be prudent, of course). You'd may be surprised the blessings of a generous heart and a cheerful giver incurs in the spiritual economy.

9. Save (but don't make money an idol). You can't spend or give money you don't have. Learn to invest, and there are options for moral investments as well should that be a concern. Passive, low-cost index funds are a good option. Use a compound interest calculator to teach your kids about the magic power (it's just math!) of compounding and the importance of saving early. I told my kids as soon as they get their first job, in order to incentivize saving, that I would open up a Roth IRA in their name and if they max it out, I will give them twice what they invest, in addition to the money put away. 

10. Money is not an "interesting luxury," but a tool like all things to be used for good. Use it well. Give God control over your finances. Learn, watch YouTube videos, talk to other frugal people. Be on the same page with your spouse, and don't make money or finances a taboo topic. Cut out the emotionalism (this can be very hard for many people). Plan for worst case scenarios, but don't become obsessed by them. Cultivate generosity early, so that your kids can see what it looks like, and for the benefit of spiritual reward. Learn the difference between wants and needs. The things of the world are temporal. Marketers are relentless. Where your heart is, there your treasure will be. If you are given much, must will be expected. But the more you have, the more you can bless others.  Invest in relationships and "human capital." Who knows--at some point you may be the one who needs help!

Tithing: It's Not All About the Benjamins

 This afternoon I got an interesting letter from a charitable organization that seemed to be thinking outside the box. Given the reform in tax law under Trump disincentized itemizing deductions (including charitable giving), our family, like many others, have not been donating as much to charities. That's not to say we haven't been giving--we continue to support our parish and St. Vincent de Paul, as well as writing checks for families in need who otherwise fall through the cracks of government assistance. Qualified Charitable Distributions (QCD) seems to be an effective way to offset the loss of tax-advantaged giving for individuals, since you don’t have to report the distribution as taxable income. The only caveat is you have to be at least 70 and a half (when one is required to take RMDs from an IRA).

When I do our retirement projections and crunch numbers, we stand to "earn" way more in retirement than we ever did by working (the magic of compound interest). So it's tempting to pivot: We can 'optimize' our giving and leverage it three or four fold if we bank what we would normally give during our younger years in our IRAs and earmark it for charities as QCDs when we hit 70 and a half. Most people use their RMDs for niceties, since its the icing on the cake in the "golden years," so why not put it to good (ie, better) use?

But I think this neglects to take into account that tithing is not for or about the poor--it's for and about us.

When I start to reason in this way, it sounds familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on where I heard it. Oh yeah...

“Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the proceeds given to poor people?” (Jn 12:5)

How does the beloved disciple respond to Judas' shrewd optimization tactic?

"Now he said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and as he kept the money box, he used to steal from what was put into it." (Jn 12:6) 

Judas was thinking with an earthly mind. But what does St. John Chrysostom, a true lover of the poor, say?

“The rich exist for the sake of the poor. The poor exist for the salvation of the rich.” 

Of course we know our Lord has a different perspective than that of Judas (who does not think as God does) and recounts a lesson for the disciples in Lk 21:1-4 with the parable of the widow's mite:

"And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury,  and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.”"

Giving 'til it hurts' is an exercise, just like physical exercise. It can be tough, but it conditions us to weave charity into the fusion of our secular and spiritual lives. It also teaches something (especially to our children) that money can't buy: generosity and faith, specifically through charity. It is the conditioning of the soil of virtue for future generations to reap from.

Like those who develop habits of virtue earlier in life, they set their trajectory towards Heaven and reap the rewards one hundred fold...even if its not in this life. They are like the wise virgins in the parable, with oil in their lamps and ready when the Bridegroom comes (Mt 25:1-13). Deathbed conversions are not as common as one might think, and changing one's trajectory at the last moment, while possible, requires a large infusion of grace and surrender. 

As tempting as my thoughts on back-loading and optimizing our giving through QCDs later in life, I don't think our giving should be about 'efficiency' and 'optimization.' There's nothing wrong with this (nor is there anything wrong with having a functional webpage or a friendly secretary at a parish, which can go a long way in evangelization, for instance), but it tends to miss the point: it's not all about the Benjamins. Giving is an exercise of the heart. It works clenched fists and kneads them into open palms. It erodes shrewdness and encourages generosity. It chooses messy encounter over keeping the poor at a distance with our checkbooks. The Lord God came in the flesh to serve, wash feet, and ultimately give his life for men. He was not concerned with eradicating poverty once and for all but that all men should come to salvation through His Holy Name and by His teaching. 

Does this mean we can sit back on our laurels quoting Mt 26:11 and do nothing? Of course not. We are called to "do the work" as it is given to us, and each to his own abilities and means. God gives us the grace, but expects us to exercise and sweat to attain virtue through self-denial and service to others. Charity is a sure way to learn in the school of love our savior was headmaster of. 

Only Stewards

In a parallel universe, it was always my dream to be an accountant. 

I don't know where I got it in my head that this was what I should have been doing with my life. I'm not a numbers guy. I had a disdain for all the engineers on campus (a large, engineering-focused state university) because my mind didn't work like theirs. I majored in Geography because I liked maps and the major only required 120 credits. I didn't do any internships and didn't specialize in GIS so I don't know what I could have done career wise. All I really wanted to do was write and bum around the country like Jack Kerouac in On The Road. Plus I really thought I was going to become a monk, so any worldly pursuits wouldn't matter anyway. 

After four years of working in social services after graduation, I felt acutely my lack of marketability. I guess I kind of idolized the accountants and engineers because I was jealous of them. They had stable, in-demand jobs and made good money, and I didn't. I had a bit of 'failure to launch' career-wise by the time I met my wife in my late twenties, as I was living in a school bus, going to graduate school for Theology, and not working. When I realized that making money actually had some practical benefits (you could support a family, for instance, which became relevant when we started having kids), I got resentful of my artistic sensibilities, even though they were the gifts God gave me. It was too little too late, or at least it seemed. 

Fast forward ten years. I'm not an accountant, but by God's provision I did land in a job that I worked my way up to after 12 years in the field, one which pays a median salary with benefits and which fits my aptitudes and I actually, admittedly, kind of like. And He has been so good in His provisions that even on my very average salary my wife can largely stay home with our kids, allowing me to provide in the way I always wanted to but never thought I would be able to do, and doing so debt-free.

I owe a lot of that to my father. He was a high school math teacher, but was always good with money and taught us from a young age how to save and invest. He still wears sweatpants with holes in them and does his own taxes; he isn't concerned with status or giving an illusion of wealth. His favorite book is "The Millionaire Next Door." He retired at 51, and has been living an unassuming comfortable life for twenty years as a retiree.

My father is the only person I trust for financial advice, and we talk regularly about money. It has never been a taboo subject in our family; quite the opposite actually. It was always talked about, mostly in terms of options, and so my brothers and I inherited a wealth of financial literacy without the undue burden of emotionalism that often surrounds the subject. 

Money and finances is, admittedly, a bit off topic from the usual scope of my blog, which tends to keep focused on topics of faith, family, and religion. But when I came across a statistic recently that sixty percent of Americans don't have a $1,000 in savings to cover an unforeseen emergency and that the number two reason for divorce in this country (infidelity being number one) is money problems and money fights, it seemed relevant to at least bring up the topic. Things I have always taken for granted--like basic budgeting, living within your means, etc.--were maybe not so common after all. 

I've been reading financial blogs since blogs became a thing; my favorite ones are the ones that have a personal, human-centered focus, rather than strict (and boring) dollars-and-cents. J.D. Roth had a blog called Get Rich Slowly that was personal and honest, though admittedly I stopped reading it a couple years ago when I realized he wasn't actually all that good with money. 

I also used to read Mr. Money Mustache before he became big, and appreciated his frugal and pro-bike focus, but again lost interest when his posts were more focused on left-leaning environmental ideology. 

I came across one called Frugalwoods recently which is FIRE (Financial Independence / Retire Early) focused and written by a millennial couple homesteaders; once again, was turned off though after they featured a Reader Story post by a couple where the husband was asking how best to fund his gender reassignment surgery and the commenters were largely supportive. 

One of the most competent blogs I've come across is Financial Samurai, though it's hard to relate to as the author (based in the Bay-area of San Francisco) and his target audience are high income earners with multi-million dollar portoflios who think you'd "probably be ok" making $300,000 a year. Though I've learned a lot from this particular blog, it's like another world, and I always leave with a little apprehension that we're not in a good position because we don't have millions of dollars stacked up as the author purports one needs to be in a good financial situation. 

A proverb that has always resonated with me is Prov 30:8-9: "Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain." My average/median salary provides for all our needs with careful budgeting, allows us to save for emergencies and retirement and provide for others in need, and does not bring with it the 'mo money mo problems' stress that some high income earners endure while keeping us from the stress those in poverty regularly endure (like which bills to pay this month, or whether there is enough money to pay for gas or medicine). We sleep well at night, and that in itself is something of value not to be taken lightly.

Because I've never earned a high income, I've always had to be somewhat resourceful with what I did have (my wife always tell me, "I prayed for a husband who was resourceful, not rich"). This means adopting frugality as a way of life from the time I started working at age 12; learning to budget and being cognizant of what is coming in versus going out each month; forced saving; buying used everything; learning to cook from scratch; being content with little things like an occasional latte or ice cream cone or vacation. Developing 'human capital'--connections with other people and investing in friendships--also has an intangible benefit and value that may be underappreciated by strictly "by the numbers" accountant-types. At this point in my life, I have cut back on side-hustle ventures, because time is a currency too, one that has value especially as my kids are young. I realize we don't really need a lot, and 30 years of living frugally has set us on a course where we are not threatened with lifestyle inflation. It also allows us to help cover bills for families we know who are going through periods of struggle and to support our local parish, which is a blessing for us as well.

I'm always encouraged when I see Catholic families open to life with large families on modest incomes, because it shows what is possible with faith and careful stewardship while poking a hole in the high-income blog thesis that you need x,xxx,xxx amount to live. Though initially I was taken with the idea of Financial Independence and Retiring Early, the fetishization of the FIRE movement among DINK Millennials who seem sympathetic to left-learning, anti-life causes is enough to make me rethink this "movement." I am at a point when I actually like my job and enjoy working, and see it as a grace and blessing, not a curse. And who wants to retire at forty anyway? Even if I could, it wouldn't take me long to get bored with it, especially if it is just self-focused on leisure and maximum pleasure. 

I think what it comes down to, what everyone is really wondering, is "how do I be happy?" Happiness is really contentment with a sheen. There are miserable millionaires and miserable people living in Section 8 housing. There are also happy wealthy people and happy poor people to the degree that they are able to see past their immediate circumstances to what really matters and gives us lasting happiness--living for God, and living for others. Working hard and breaking through adversity and bearing crosses also has its own rewards and lessons, just as those diagnosed with terminal illnesses often learn from their cancers what life really means, what is really important--lessons they may not have learned without it. Sometimes a change in perspective is all we may need to see the world, and our circumstances, differently.

To that end, I think God has really given us a great grace as stewards to be "in the middle"--not too full, and not poor. Our kids get excited when I bring home ice cream or when they get to pick out yo-yos from the Dollar Store or when they get to make memories on a weekend camping trip. It doesn't take much. We have time together, without undue stress from finances; we have our health; we live like kings really, with hot showers and a roof that doesn't leak, cars to drive us places, and flush toilets. Though I'm always mindful the words of our Lord that "blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted," and that our times of happiness and contentment now are not a reason to shun them, we recognize that all good things come from Him. And so if He takes them away, we will continue to praise Him. If He allows us to enjoy them now, we enjoy them for what they are without hopefully getting too attached to them. We're not ultimately in control. After all, we are only stewards. 

We've Taken "White Space" For Granted

I start work in twenty minutes, so this is going to be a short post.

There is a kind of secular parable I have thought about from time to time, as it has stayed with me:

"An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?” The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.” The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?” To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.” “But what then?” Asked the Mexican. The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!” “Millions – then what?” The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”"

I read a lot of personal finance blogs, most of the FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) authors came of age during the Great Recession and so are all about monetizing every last moment for financial gain. We know many families (or at least used to) who have their schedules at 98% capacity with sports, activities, work, and other things. If time is currency, they are living lean. Not faulting, just mentioning.

And our jobs, for most Americans, are structured to have no fat, maximum efficiency. I suppose this is part of Capitalism and the Protestant work ethic. Not faulting, just mentioning.

I have also read studies that most Americans do not have $1,000 cash on hand to cover an emergency should emerge. Many are one job loss from missing a mortgage payment. Many are simply living to paycheck to paycheck. Not faulting, just mentioning.

The reality of this Coronavirus pandemic is starting to set in. Everything is shut down. We are moving into recession territory. And we realize just how little margin we have given ourselves in the quest for maximum efficiency.

I am a big proponent of the idea of 'white space' that is often seen as "useless." God gave us the Sabbath to rest, because He rested on the 7th day of creation. He was strict about it--Sabbath is for rest and worship. What many families are realizing--on both a positive and negative note--is being quarantined is forcing us into that "useless" space of time. Time is a commodity many people don't have because leisure is oftentimes equated with laziness in a hyper-efficient culture that doesn't naturally build such buffers in. I'm a proponent of hard work, the value of work, Capitalism as an economic system, and making good use of time for what is important. As devastating as the fallout from this illness is going to be on all fronts, if anything maybe we can be grateful for the gift of time--for family, for self-reflection, for spiritual renewal--and not take it for granted for those of us in quarantine. Make good use of it, and always try to look at the good in even the worst situations.

Time Is Money, and Money Is Time

My wife and I are coming up on eight years of marriage this week. That's not a long time, but it sure has been an eventful eight years.

When we met in 2009, my wife was working as a research nurse in the Emergency Department at the hospital. I was working part time at Starbucks and part time at a community college evaluating transcripts. We got engaged after five months of dating, and married a year later.

I moved into her rowhouse in the city after the wedding. It only took one trip--everything I owned fit in my Honda Civic. I don't know what we did with all the time we had back then--we went to the movies, had coffee and breakfast on the back porch, took bike rides. By then I had gotten a job in admissions at a small local college, and was making $30,000 a year, and Debbie was promoted to supervisor and eventually manager of the research department. We were DINKs (dual income-no kids) for about a year before our first child was born, and then we were, I guess, DIOKs.

We were happy in our little house. We had great neighbors, but the surrounding area was getting a little rough with the violence and drugs. When Deb's maternity leave was up, our boy went to daycare at the local Catholic community center in Little Italy. Then number two came, and we continued to do the "daycare shuffle," with every intention to stay in our house and send the kids to the local Catholic schools for elementary through high school. This was what people did, and we just thought it was what we would do too.

After a couple years we crunched some numbers and figured it might make more sense to move to the next state over. My wife had gone to Catholic school her whole life, and I had gone to public school. The cost of private Catholic school in the state we were in did not seem to offset what we would spend in higher property taxes in the next state over, and I felt the kids would get a better education in the public school system. We put our house on the market in January of 2015 when the kids were three and two years old, respectively.  By the grace of God (and a good relator), we said goodbye to our old house and moved into a new house that Spring. We had more bedrooms, half an acre of land and room for a garden, could leave our cars unlocked in our driveway, and were situated between our two places of employment. The schools were good in the area, so the plan was to start our son in Kindergarten the following year, and our daughter the year after that.

My income had bumped up a little, and my wife was moving up as well. But the daycare shuffle was starting to wear on her. She hated being away from the kids during the day, was bringing work and stress home with her regularly, and it was hard to keep up with the pace of things. In an attempt to alleviate the constant driving and daycare expenses, we had a live-in au pair from Italy to take care of the kids while we worked, since it wasn't much more than daycare for the two. It was nice not having to shuttle constantly, but as relatively private people having a live-in childcare worker was an adjustment.

We eventually found out we were pregnant with our third in May of 2017. It was around this time we experienced a conversion thanks to finding a Miraculous Medal down at the beach and wearing it. The Blessed Mother was reorienting our hearts to life, and we began to trust God's will for us in a way we hadn't before. We turned everything over, consecrating ourselves to the Immaculate Heart in October of that year.

Our son had started Kindergarden that fall at the local elementary school. He rode the bus, and made some little friends, and had a great teacher. But as my wife and I moved closer and closer to an orthodox expression of our faith, we began to wonder whether this was what God wanted for our lives, for our children, and for our family. We had friends who homeschooled, and we were always impressed by their children--their manners, morals, and how they learned. I think my wife in her heart of hearts wanted to be home and homeschool, but knew I had to be on board as the spiritual leader of the household, and at that point I wasn't. I didn't know how we would make it work financially. In many ways, I still don't.

After our third was born, though, my wife was dreading the thought of going back to her management position. We prayed, and decided it might be better to go back to bedside nursing despite the sizable paycut. This might also allow us to pursue homeschooling, should we go that route. My wife was happiest when she was home on maternity leave with the three kids. She made dinner, cleaned, and just relished being a wife and mom with undivided time and attention. It aligned with her nature. I, for my part, was adjusting to the loss of the salary we had been bringing in. We never had an issue writing big checks for repairs and charities; it gave us a comfortable cushion in which we could handle just about anything.

But even at twenty hours a week, my wife was struggling. We considered ourselves fortunate to have options for her to work part time and still make a good hourly rate as nurse. But it was hard to find time to sleep, and the house was always a mess and hard to keep up with the attention the kids needed, especially with the beginning of our commitment to homeschooling approaching this Fall. So we decided to double down and trust, turning everything over to God to make a way where I didn't see one.

The Lord has never let us down. My wife's favorite psalm is Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." We reached out to stay at home moms and learned about budgeting and a more traditional approach to marriage and family life, about men and women's roles and the natural order God established. I began to pray about having the courage to accept and embrace more my role as provider, and my wife began to realize her role in stewarding and caring for the home. God truly did make a way in making the numbers somehow balance, and providing opportunities for me to make some more income, and for my wife to work a minimal amount of hours to move us closer to that ideal.

We have never really had to budget before, but now we are doing so. We are learning to trust the Lord with our finances, with His provision to provide for our needs, and to appreciate the little things. Our income has dropped by more than half of what we were bringing in previously. but that salary did come with a cost, and the cost was, for my wife, time. My dad used to have a picture of a mountain stream in Colorado above his dresser when I was growing up with the words underneath: "Nothing is ours, but time."

But ultimately, our time is what the Lord lends us. No one knows the amount of days he will live. We have to be stewards of our finances, what the Lord has entrusted us with to live. But we also deal in the currency of the day, which is really time, which we trade for money. We never trusted God with our fertility, until the past year, and He was returned what we trusted Him with a hundred fold. We are now embarking on that same journey with regards to our finances, entrusting them to His management. We are at the beginning stages of that journey, but we look back to all He has done for us, all He has provided, and we don't doubt He can multiply those loves and fishes again.

God is so good. All He wants is for us to trust Him, not just with this or that, but with everything. It is exciting, and we have peace, which is itself worth its weight in gold. We don't have nearly as much disposable income, but we have learned to appreciate everything that comes our way, whether it's ice cream cones or just time together with books from the library. We don't judge anyone for how they structure their families, but for us we have found a contentment and peace with trying to bring that structure in alignment with how He intends it, and it has been a true blessing.