"It was 1999, I had spent the last decade as a very sexually promiscuous gay man and would-be porn star. At that point, my life had really spiraled out of control. For, on that very night, I willingly took part in an extremely sick pornographic scene which included everything from extreme physical cruelties to desecration. Then, I don’t think I could have fallen any lower. Everything I touched was filled with darkness; the day was like a perpetual night. In my eyes, the sun was always in total eclipse. I had been falling down this pit for years, and now – it seemed as if I were reaching the bottom."
He would later go on to recount a near-death experience in the hospital in which he had an out of body experience:
"Oddly, I could make out little beings jumping about all over the room. They defied any outline of shape or form, but were more like a ripple of movement upon the air. I didn’t know why, but they startled me and I could somehow make-out that they were there to harm me. At first, I noticed them looking into every curtained cubicle around the entire emergency room. They would peer in at each patient and then move on. When I rampaged against God, they immediately noticed me and took a keen interest. On each side of the bed, they huddled about. I hated them, as they were taking some horrible glee in my sudden anguish and discomfort. At the same time, my being was continuing its slide out from my body. Now, about mid-chest and up was flittering above everyone; at the near center of the bed. For, I was high enough to see the top of each nurse’s head."
On the precipice of the abyss, however, he makes a desperate, last ditch plea:
"I fought against it; only, I knew I was losing. Out of the gloominess and desperation, a strange thought overcame me: Jesus! Could I call out to Jesus? I abandoned Him long ago; He will not help me now. Anyway, I really don’t think He exists. It all happened in a matter of ticking moments, and I called out to Him: Jesus, Please help me! In a flash, the darkness left, the demons disappeared, and I dropped back into my body. I looked around, and I knew that I was alive. But, I didn’t know who I was, or where I had been, or what had just happened. Everything seemed new and strange. I couldn’t move a finger, but my eyes endlessly darted from side to side, trying to take it all in."
What struck me about this man's account was not that he was a would-be gay porn star. Nor was it that he encountered the reality of the spiritual realm (both dark and light) on the verge of death. What really stayed with me was the power of calling on the Name of Jesus.
"I called on your Name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit"(Lam 3:55).
As this man admits, "I had been falling down this pit for years" until finally he was on Hell's doorstep. When you are in the bottom of a well, you reach a point where you cannot get out yourself. You can't claw, can't get a foot hold, can't dig. And yet, the power of the Name--even when one self-admittedly had "abandoned God long ago" called upon in brokenness of spirit, has all power to banish the darkness and evil. God steps into the picture and takes dominion over what was thought to be lost, ransoms an redeems it.
"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord" (Ps 130:1).
You literally have no recourse but to call out in desperation. This is not a polished, well-crafted invitation for help, but a powerlessness, a terror-stricken plea, to be saved from inevitable destruction. If no one comes, you will assuredly die.
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire" (Ps 40:2).
I don't think we really realize what we are being ransomed from, what vies for our soul, what will stop at nothing to claim us. The pleasures of the world are like an inoculant, til we find ourselves faced with the fate of the rich man in Hell begging Abraham to allow Lazarus to warn our family members, "lest they come to this place of torment." We stay ignorant of the spiritual realm to our own peril.
I was having a conversation with a guy my age who served in our armed forces. He told me of a military base where he was stationed in Alaska, that served as a defensive point against Soviet invasion. The men and women stationed there, he said, were basically a bulwark should we be invaded to "slow the bleeding" (the offensive attack). They were there to die should this happen. "There were times when I was there, not too long ago, when we were at red alert and we were literally holding our breath because the Russians had planes over head and we had deployed planes to meet them. And if it would have gone south that would have been it. And people, all these people--on the streets, shopping, walking around--had no idea. No idea how close we were as a country to being attacked. Just oblivious."
Scripture says there is more rejoicing in Heaven over one lost sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. If only we knew the gravity of our sin, the deceptive nature of evil, and what awaits us on the other side of the curtain. This young man, stained and degraded, broken and abused--a modern day Mary Magdalene--had turned his heart to God on death's door, demons literally pulling his soul out of his body, uttering--and maybe not even believing!--the Name of Jesus, calling on Him, and was brought into the Light. "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow" (Is 1:18). So great is the Power of God that the simple utterance of the Name banishes darkness and casts demons out. S
And what is left is grace--amazing grace, how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see.
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