I don't know where I got it in my head that this was what I should have been doing with my life. I'm not a numbers guy. I had a disdain for all the engineers on campus (a large, engineering-focused state university) because my mind didn't work like theirs. I majored in Geography because I liked maps and the major only required 120 credits. I didn't do any internships and didn't specialize in GIS so I don't know what I could have done career wise. All I really wanted to do was write and bum around the country like Jack Kerouac in On The Road. Plus I really thought I was going to become a monk, so any worldly pursuits wouldn't matter anyway.
After four years of working in social services after graduation, I felt acutely my lack of marketability. I guess I kind of idolized the accountants and engineers because I was jealous of them. They had stable, in-demand jobs and made good money, and I didn't. I had a bit of 'failure to launch' career-wise by the time I met my wife in my late twenties, as I was living in a school bus, going to graduate school for Theology, and not working. When I realized that making money actually had some practical benefits (you could support a family, for instance, which became relevant when we started having kids), I got resentful of my artistic sensibilities, even though they were the gifts God gave me. It was too little too late, or at least it seemed.
Fast forward ten years. I'm not an accountant, but by God's provision I did land in a job that I worked my way up to after 12 years in the field, one which pays a median salary with benefits and which fits my aptitudes and I actually, admittedly, kind of like. And He has been so good in His provisions that even on my very average salary my wife can largely stay home with our kids, allowing me to provide in the way I always wanted to but never thought I would be able to do, and doing so debt-free.
I owe a lot of that to my father. He was a high school math teacher, but was always good with money and taught us from a young age how to save and invest. He still wears sweatpants with holes in them and does his own taxes; he isn't concerned with status or giving an illusion of wealth. His favorite book is "The Millionaire Next Door." He retired at 51, and has been living an unassuming comfortable life for twenty years as a retiree.
My father is the only person I trust for financial advice, and we talk regularly about money. It has never been a taboo subject in our family; quite the opposite actually. It was always talked about, mostly in terms of options, and so my brothers and I inherited a wealth of financial literacy without the undue burden of emotionalism that often surrounds the subject.
Money and finances is, admittedly, a bit off topic from the usual scope of my blog, which tends to keep focused on topics of faith, family, and religion. But when I came across a statistic recently that sixty percent of Americans don't have a $1,000 in savings to cover an unforeseen emergency and that the number two reason for divorce in this country (infidelity being number one) is money problems and money fights, it seemed relevant to at least bring up the topic. Things I have always taken for granted--like basic budgeting, living within your means, etc.--were maybe not so common after all.
I've been reading financial blogs since blogs became a thing; my favorite ones are the ones that have a personal, human-centered focus, rather than strict (and boring) dollars-and-cents. J.D. Roth had a blog called Get Rich Slowly that was personal and honest, though admittedly I stopped reading it a couple years ago when I realized he wasn't actually all that good with money.
I also used to read Mr. Money Mustache before he became big, and appreciated his frugal and pro-bike focus, but again lost interest when his posts were more focused on left-leaning environmental ideology.
I came across one called Frugalwoods recently which is FIRE (Financial Independence / Retire Early) focused and written by a millennial couple homesteaders; once again, was turned off though after they featured a Reader Story post by a couple where the husband was asking how best to fund his gender reassignment surgery and the commenters were largely supportive.
One of the most competent blogs I've come across is Financial Samurai, though it's hard to relate to as the author (based in the Bay-area of San Francisco) and his target audience are high income earners with multi-million dollar portoflios who think you'd "probably be ok" making $300,000 a year. Though I've learned a lot from this particular blog, it's like another world, and I always leave with a little apprehension that we're not in a good position because we don't have millions of dollars stacked up as the author purports one needs to be in a good financial situation.
A proverb that has always resonated with me is Prov 30:8-9: "Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain." My average/median salary provides for all our needs with careful budgeting, allows us to save for emergencies and retirement and provide for others in need, and does not bring with it the 'mo money mo problems' stress that some high income earners endure while keeping us from the stress those in poverty regularly endure (like which bills to pay this month, or whether there is enough money to pay for gas or medicine). We sleep well at night, and that in itself is something of value not to be taken lightly.
Because I've never earned a high income, I've always had to be somewhat resourceful with what I did have (my wife always tell me, "I prayed for a husband who was resourceful, not rich"). This means adopting frugality as a way of life from the time I started working at age 12; learning to budget and being cognizant of what is coming in versus going out each month; forced saving; buying used everything; learning to cook from scratch; being content with little things like an occasional latte or ice cream cone or vacation. Developing 'human capital'--connections with other people and investing in friendships--also has an intangible benefit and value that may be underappreciated by strictly "by the numbers" accountant-types. At this point in my life, I have cut back on side-hustle ventures, because time is a currency too, one that has value especially as my kids are young. I realize we don't really need a lot, and 30 years of living frugally has set us on a course where we are not threatened with lifestyle inflation. It also allows us to help cover bills for families we know who are going through periods of struggle and to support our local parish, which is a blessing for us as well.
I'm always encouraged when I see Catholic families open to life with large families on modest incomes, because it shows what is possible with faith and careful stewardship while poking a hole in the high-income blog thesis that you need x,xxx,xxx amount to live. Though initially I was taken with the idea of Financial Independence and Retiring Early, the fetishization of the FIRE movement among DINK Millennials who seem sympathetic to left-learning, anti-life causes is enough to make me rethink this "movement." I am at a point when I actually like my job and enjoy working, and see it as a grace and blessing, not a curse. And who wants to retire at forty anyway? Even if I could, it wouldn't take me long to get bored with it, especially if it is just self-focused on leisure and maximum pleasure.
I think what it comes down to, what everyone is really wondering, is "how do I be happy?" Happiness is really contentment with a sheen. There are miserable millionaires and miserable people living in Section 8 housing. There are also happy wealthy people and happy poor people to the degree that they are able to see past their immediate circumstances to what really matters and gives us lasting happiness--living for God, and living for others. Working hard and breaking through adversity and bearing crosses also has its own rewards and lessons, just as those diagnosed with terminal illnesses often learn from their cancers what life really means, what is really important--lessons they may not have learned without it. Sometimes a change in perspective is all we may need to see the world, and our circumstances, differently.
To that end, I think God has really given us a great grace as stewards to be "in the middle"--not too full, and not poor. Our kids get excited when I bring home ice cream or when they get to pick out yo-yos from the Dollar Store or when they get to make memories on a weekend camping trip. It doesn't take much. We have time together, without undue stress from finances; we have our health; we live like kings really, with hot showers and a roof that doesn't leak, cars to drive us places, and flush toilets. Though I'm always mindful the words of our Lord that "blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted," and that our times of happiness and contentment now are not a reason to shun them, we recognize that all good things come from Him. And so if He takes them away, we will continue to praise Him. If He allows us to enjoy them now, we enjoy them for what they are without hopefully getting too attached to them. We're not ultimately in control. After all, we are only stewards.
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