"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife: nor his house, nor his field, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is his" (Deut 5:21).
If there was a Family Feud: Catholic Edition, Steve Harvey might pose the question to the contestants: "What Commandment do men confess to breaking the MOST?" Most people would intuitively answer "The Sixth Commandment." And they would most likely be right. As Our Lady told St. Jacinta of Fatima, “The sins which cause most souls to go to hell are the sins of the flesh.” Sexual sin is a major problem for men, and difficult to get under wraps!
Ask any woman the same question, though, and unchastity may make the list, but as a collective it's most likely not near the top. I'm not a woman, but based on my observations I suspect a sin many women struggle with involves the 9th and 10th Commandment: jealousy, envy, and covetousness.
The Catechism links greed and envy (#2538-9): “Envy can lead to the worst crimes… It refers to the sadness at the sight of another’s good and the immoderate desire to acquire them for oneself. Envy is a form of sadness that comes from lack of charity.
But where does this sin of envy come from? For men, sins against the ninth and tenth Commandments are relatively straightforward. Generally speaking, men crave power and wealth more than women do; if they seek to acquire more in terms of goods, it is because of the kitchy adage: He who dies with the most toys wins. The sixth and ninth Commandments are linked, of course, since our Lord warned that "whoever looks a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mt 5:28).
What about for women? I would wager that this happens more subtly, more internally, and is more weighted towards the inherent inward sadness more than the immoderate desire to acquire. Insecurity is a breeding ground for envy. New moms, and even some seasoned moms, face the temptation of comparison and when it is indulged, can lead to sin. This may involve projection, speculation, inane "mommy wars," or simply an inability to be secure in one's parenting abilities. Comparison poisons the well of contentment.
A two-for-one consequence of this sin of envious sadness involves the close but distinct link between the ninth and tenth Commandments. For when a woman is preoccopied with what other women/moms/wives are doing, it may be less that she is "coveting another woman's husband," and more that her envious, preoccupatory sadness is crowding out the attention that should be reserved for her husband. This "mental absence" can contribute to an emotional (and sometimes physical) distancing from their husbands they might not even be aware of. Husbands must take ownership of their sexual faculties which are reserved for their own wives, of course.
But wives, too, must be on guard against creating an environment in which they have put other 'things' in the seat which should be reserved for their husband. Wives are not directly responsible for their husband's sins. Yet, then again, why do men look outside the marriage chamber? Is it perhaps because they seek to be acknowledged, elevated, and yes, put first and given undivided attention by their spouse? And when she fails to do so, is she blameless? Were you to notice the danger of putting your children, your envy, your jealous sadness before your own husband...would you view this temptation to sin differently? "The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no need of spoils" (Prov 31:11)
"Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding" (2 Cor 10:12).
What is the antidote to this sin, the anticedent virtue which serves as the beachgrass which stabilizes the dunes and prevents erosion of the spirit? "Rejoice in your brother's progress and you will immediately give glory to God. Conquer envy by rejoicing in the merits of others" (St. John Chrysostom). And again, pursuant to the woman of worth's domain, King Lamuel notes (emphasis mine):
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Men, be on guard against the temptations of the flesh, that seek to drag you to Hell through voluptious seduction of the mind, laying traps and greasing the skids with the oil of covetedness. Keep custody of your eyes, your members, and your heart!
But women, you too must be on guard against temptations of petty jealousy, envy of other women, of sadness at the state of others' good affairs, of comparison and looking outside your own sphere of the home! This usurpation, renting out the room which should be reserved for your husband and family inoculates the bacteria of unchastity in the home and enthrones a kind of Jezebel spirit which sows seeds of dischord and strife where there should be good order and peace.
Resist this spirit! Focus on your own spouse, your own home, your own affairs, your own business. As the old saying goes, comparisons will lead you to be either vain or bitter in the end; for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Thank you and good advise. I see what you are trying to say, the weaknesses of each feed into the predominate sins of the other. So a man's lust for multiple partners causes his wife to feel insecure and jealous of women who might be younger or more attractive. A woman's jealousy drives her husband to become ever more attracted to other women. It's a viscous cycle! As far as the sins of greed and wanting to accumulate things, I see that as pretty universal. Women more so for security reasons and men to show how successful they are and, let's face, to attract women. If we remove the drive to mate, we really can become more holy and just follow the Lord, as St. Paul chose to do! But alas, the species depends on at least some of us marrying. And certainly the goal of any marriage is to get each other and the kids to Heaven.
ReplyDeleteGood insight!
Deletethis idea of which commandment one group of people is more prone to breaking vs. another is an interesting concept. I think you could expand this to include future posts. Such as: Which commandments do conservatives vs. liberals tend to break more? or Catholics vs Protestants or TLM Catholics vs. NO Catholics? I think what would come out of such a series would be that God's 10 commandments cover it all! Because He sure knows what He's doing! (this is probably why we have 10 fingers vs. 12!)
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