FALLING DOWN and the Divorced American Male "Going Home"

 

"You think I want to hurt your family? I have a family of my own. That's where I'm going. I'm going home to see my family. It's my little girl's birthday today. We were going to have a barbecue like you guys. She was going to play outside and my wife would hold my hand and we would talk about grownup things. And then when it got dark, we'd all go to sleep together. We'd all sleep together in the dark. And everything would be just like it was before."

These were the words of recently divorced and recently laid off defense contractor William Foster (played by Michael Douglas) in Joel Schumacher's 1993 cult classic Falling Down about half way through the film. By this point what started as a "bad morning" with a traffic jam has led to a standoff with the LAPD and a wake of assaults and property damage at the hands of an otherwise straight-edged man who has been pushed too far and simply "had enough."  

"I'm the bad guy? How'd that happen? I did everything they told me to. Do you know I build missiles? I help to protect America. You should be rewarded for that. Instead they give it to plastic surgeon. They lied to me.

 

None of Foster's violence or seeming entitlement is justified of course. As Michael Douglass' father Kirk described his son's character in the film, Foster is both the victim and the villain. His pathology is in simplicity--he wants to see his daughter on her birthday--and his derangement in just how far he is willing to go to clear the obstacles standing in his way from doing so on this particular "hot day" in L.A. What's strange is that there is a part of the viewer--that would be straight white middle aged male me, in this case--that sympathizes with his plight that didn't really register when I first saw the film in high school back when it was released.

There's an interesting scene when Foster's (ex) wife realizes he may be trying to show up at her house for their daughter's birthday party, and calls the police who are asking her some questions at her home.

"So, you have a restraining order against your husband?

"Ex-husband, yes. He'd show up on the wrong day or in the middle of the night, pounding on the door, stuff like that. Thing is, he has this horrendous temper and I didn't know if the restraining order was a good idea, and could do more harm than good. But the judge said we should make an example of him."

"Does he [your husband] drink?"

"No."

"Do drugs?"

"Oh, no."

"But he has a propensity for violence?"

"Yeah, I think you could say that."

"Did he strike the little girl?"

"No."

"Did he strike you?"

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"There were times I thought he was going to but I didn't want to wait until he got around to it."

"Uh-huh."

"It's hard to explain. He could, I think."

"You 'think'?"

I'll admit the single-minded, obsessive quality of Foster's character is a bit unnerving, and you can see how it contributes in some of the home movies to the tension in the marriage and child-rearing. But he's not abusive. He's not a drinker, doesn't do illegal drugs. That doesn't mean he can't be a "bad man." But when pressed by the cops for the reason the wife had for the restraining order, it was all a bit--wispy.   

Again, Foster is no hero here, and none of the violence is justifiable in the film. But it does go to show that when a man is stripped of the two biggest cores of his identity--his employment and his family--in a one-two punch...well, it can do a thing or two to a man's psyche. Might just be enough to break him, make him snap, or simply give up on everything. By the time lawyers and judges are involved, it's already over. It's heartbreaking to know how many children have been stripped of imperfect but otherwise loving and devoted fathers by the suicide of the courts. And how many men who want and desire to be in their children's lives and remain married to their spouse who they pledged themselves to get neutered by the sharp brass knife of law. 

I know abuse is real, and sometimes separation and legal protection is necessary, for both men and women alike. I also know that sometimes men who are not abusive, are not cheats, who essentially did nothing 'wrong' still get cut at the knees by divorce. 

"Home"--what once was but no longer is--becomes an almost mythical and painful memory everyone is telling them to forget about. Home is the one place we all want to have. Men are willing to work and grind to afford the mortgage because when you have a family you love and are devoted to, you have a reason to work. When you lose the family, you lose the will to work. And sadly too, when you are stripped of the ability to work (either via layoffs, downsizing, ageism, or not being an "economic viability" to the company anymore as referenced in the film), that can impact your marriage and family stability. When both marriage/family and work are in place, things can be really good. When you're out of work but you have the support of your family and community, you'll pull through. But when you've lost both work and your marriage and family--it's enough to crush a man's reason to get up each morning. Even the best and strongest men get cut at the knees by this one-two TKO.

I didn't get the impression William Foster was a religious man in Falling Down. Faith in God is perhaps that "third leg" needed to keep a man's stool from collapsing on itself when the other Big Two (work and family) snap in half. If nothing else, the Divine Law precludes us from exacting vengeance on the innocent for perceived crimes against our person. We aren't owed anything in this life--all is grace. Good marriages are a grace. Bad marriages are a grace (but can also be a cross). Work is a gift, not a right. Children, too. This world doesn't "owe" us anything. There is only one spotless victim--the Christ--and he didn't exact retribution. He made his way "home" not by vengeance, but submission.

There is a part of me that admires the tenacity and creepy single-minded obsession of William Foster "just wanting to go home", even on foot across L.A. during a heat wave and to a home which doesn't seem to welcome him anymore. At least he recognizes that it is worth fighting for. That many men and women are willing to so easily walk away from perfectly good (albeit imperfect) marriages for lesser things to the detriment of their children and society in general without fighting makes those who would instead fight the courts and sacrifice everything to be able to "go home again" look like the crazy ones, the obsessed, those that "should just forget about it and move on." 

Remember, that Fatima foretold that Satan's final assault would be on marriage and the family. Keep that target off your back by fortifying yourself in prayer. If you have work, work hard and be grateful--don't live beyond your means. If you are married, invest in your marriage so that the fissures of gradual drift don't create larger problems down the road. Don't take anything for granted. Including having a place to go home to.