Today we switched it up a bit and I spent the morning with my daughter. We went out on a little "date" to Cosi while her brother was at a birthday party. We got hot chocolate and something to eat. Spending time with her is a real joy. I hope to continue with daddy-daughter dates as she gets older. Spending intentional time together is vital, I think; there is no substitute for it, and I'm blessed to have the opportunity to do so.
When my wife experienced a 're-verision' to the faith, she would go to a coffee shop and read her Bible. Family and friends would try to get her to come over and do stuff, and she would say, "I'm on a date with God." The time was important in her formation, just spending time soaking in the Lord and just being together in love.
Being a father to a son and being a father to a daughter are two unique opportunities. Boys learn from their fathers what it means to be a man and the skills that a dad is uniquely qualified to transmit to them. Girls learn from their fathers what love looks like and how a man is to treat a woman. They should feel protected and special, and have full confidence that they are loved.
I am convinced that 90% of our social problems in this country can be attributed to the lack of fathers present in the lives of children, as well as the decline in in-tact stable marriages and healthy family units. Families are the building blocks of a society--when they are weak, the society is unstable. When fathers are absent, someone must fill the role--sometimes this is gangs for young men, sometimes the government assumes more responsibility than it should, sometimes it is a boyfriend or an uncle. But really, there is no substitute for a father. Ask anyone who never had one. There is a wound that never really heals.
When I teach my 5th grade CCD class, much of what I teach in terms of faith and morals is undone when the children do not go to Mass on Sundays. Parents should be the primary educators of their children when it comes to faith and morals, and it is the parents responsibility to take them to worship every Sunday (not once a month, not just on Christmas and Easter) and model the faith for them at home, but in practice this just does not happen, and I don't understand it. I don't know if they think CCD 'counts' for 'getting their religion' and Mass is something optional, or if it simply is not a priority. In any case, I am starting to realize that much of what I teach and try to relay to the children does not 'stick' because there is no model for it at home. It is like having the thermostat set at 80 degrees in the winter with the windows open. I am a poor substitute for a parent, what with my one hour a week with them.
My dad was an active, involved dad, who loved us unconditionally, sacrificed for us, and taught us things that no one else could teach us. I am eternally grateful for that, and that he and my mom stayed married through some tough times, so that we had a stable model of how to build a marriage when we got older.
He was also a model for me of our Heavenly Father's love. The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 is one of my favorite stories in all the bible, because I was a prodigal son, and I had a loving father who was always there to welcome me back. It helped me experience in earthly terms love that mirrored the heavenly love of God the Father, who forgives us before we even ask, scans the horizon for us day and night awaiting our homecoming, and rushes out to meet us when he spots us at a distance.
If we truly want to raise up children in the way that they should go (Prov 22:6), let's start with being good fathers. Spend time with your kids, and be intentional with them about teaching the faith, and model it in your own life. Pray with them, and take them to church--every Sunday. A Swiss study found that most critical factor of the faith being passed from one generation to the next was the religious practice of the father. Work it into your routine so that they know, Sundays are different. Sundays we go to church and worship the Lord. It's just what we do (even when we're traveling or on vacation). Be almost militant about it too, because it's too easy to say, "it's too hard today, we'll just skip just this once," and then it becomes easier to skip next week too. There's no substitute for going to church, just like there is no substitute for being a father.
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him." (Ps 103:13)
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