Like An Ox

My mother in law was a very loving and very stubborn woman. She could have passed for Italian. I called her the ox, though I guess the expression is "stubborn as a mule." But she was strong too, and mule didn't seem a good animal to use to reference your mother in law, so ox stuck.

It always drove me crazy to see her dig in when she was convinced she was right and refuse to budge. That's generally the opposite of how I approach things. I tend to concede rather easily, and not always in an admirable way. I'm not fond of conflict. I don't push back when maybe I should. Maybe it drove me crazy because I secretly admired the trait.

Stubbornness is a double edged sword. We see the term 'stubborn' and 'obstinate' appear throughout scripture, typically in the negative. The "stubborn and rebellious son" in Deuteronomy 21. The "stiff necked" people in Exodus 32. The "obstinate heart" in Ecclesiasticus 3.

But we also see in Mark 10:48 the blind man Bartimaeus "shouting all the louder" to Jesus when told to be quiet by the crowd. We see in Luke 5:19 a paralyzed man lowered through a hole in the roof his friends made when they could not get to Jesus on the ground. And of course Jesus relates the parable in Luke 18:1-8 of the persistent widow who will not relent in her going after a judge to give her what she wants. Jesus relates the parable as a admonition to pray and never give up.

The more I try to live for the Lord and try to surround myself with people who desire the same, the more I have come to see that trait of stubbornness less as a liability and more as an asset, when mobilized in a virtuous manner. In the coming days, the days of martyrdom, the would-be saint would do well to cultivate a kind of bull-headedness in regard to refusing to sin, refusing to relent in holiness, even under pressure and persecution. You have to be!

One inspiring saint in this regard is St. Eulalia, who was born in the 3rd century in Spain. At twelve years old, stubborn and bull-headed, she would sneak out of her parent's house in the middle of the night in search of pagans to defy. She would spit at their idols and defy their threats of torture in order to gain the red crown. Or St. Crispina, who refused to sacrifice to idols, was called stubborn and insolent by the proconsul, and was martyred?

But how do we persevere to the end, so that we may be saved? (Mt 24:13). Beyond a human stubbornness, we also need the grace of final perseverance.

It is of the utmost importance to pray for this grace. St. Alphonsus wrote that

“All those who are in heaven are there for this one reason: They prayed, they asked for perseverance. All those who are in hell are there for this one reason: They did not pray and they did not ask the Lord for the grace of final perseverance.” 

And it is a grace, not something earned or achieved on one's own. St. Thomas writes,

"Now many have meritorious works, who do not obtain perseverance; nor can it be urged that this takes place because of the impediment of sin, since sin itself is opposed to perseverance; and thus if anyone were to merit perseverance, God would not permit him to fall into sin. Hence perseverance does not come under merit.” (ST I-II, q.114, a.9, sed contra)

So if you are a stubborn person, don't be obstinate and stiff-necked in your sin like the people of Israel, but lower your shoulders and dig in your heels when you are faced with your fate in the final days. Only those who persevere to the end will be saved. And you may just need that bull headed spirit to suffer to the end and receive your crown.