Laugh Your Way To Heaven

My wife told me once about a friend of hers who had gotten a new Mini Cooper. After fifteen or twenty thousand miles she took it into the mechanic when it was making a funny noise. "When was the last time you had an oil change?" he asked. "What's an oil change?" she replied. Lesson learned.

A car runs on gasoline, but it won't run long without oil for the engine. Humor is the oil that lubricates the cylinders, keeps things running efficiently, and keeps the engine from overheating. Both my wife and I had our "lists" prior to getting engaged of what we were looking for in a potential spouse.

But it wasn't until about half way through our marriage that I realized that I had neglected to include a sense of humor on the list. It has proven, in fact, to be one of the top three things I appreciate about my wife. I'd also venture to say, it is an important part to marriage as a whole. Thankfully, as I found out not too longer into dating, my wife has a good sense of humor.

Another underestimated thing is liking your spouse. Anyone can will themselves to love another, but liking spending time with them and being around them--that's not always a natural occurrence. So, if you like your spouse and like being around them, count yourself blessed, since not everyone does.

The thing is, if you can laugh together, you will usually like being around one another too, so the two compliment one another and make your marriage not only easier, but more enjoyable. Laughing with your partner, though--who probably knows you better than anyone--starts with being able to laugh at yourself.

Being able to laugh in a marriage, especially during times of stress and tension, is like a bleed valve on a boiler that prevents explosions. In "letting off steam" with a hearty guffaw at one's own expense can break tension in a healthy way and stave off blowups.

Knowing how to playfully poke fun without hurting feelings, can be a discerning art, though. We always have to act in love, even in jest, and respect our spouses feelings and those hidden parts which might be regarded as "no-go" zones. But self-deprecation can be disarming--its why comedians always lead with it. Hey, if I can laugh at me, I give you permission too. If I'm laughing and you're laughing--well, let's all have a laugh. “He who dwells in Heaven is laughing at their threats; the Lord makes light of them” (Ps. 2:4)

Humor should be tasteful, though, always gentle and mindful. Essentially, it comes down to not taking things too seriously. As the great St. Philip Neri noted, “Nothing in this world is to be taken seriously, nothing except the salvation of a soul.” When Heaven is your goal, everything else falls into its proper place as, ultimately, not that important in the grand scheme of things.

My wife knows all my nonsense, my idiosyncrasies and neurosis. I know what of hers I can laugh at as well. When we laugh together (often at each other), it's often followed by some hand holding or a reconciling if we have been fighting.

I don't know if you can teach humor, as in having a sense of one, but if you just remember not to take things too seriously, not wear the dour expressions of a pharisee, and be okay with making fun of yourself from time to time (and inviting your spouse to as well), you may just get a good bit of mileage out of your marriage.