Well, maybe not lies outright. But dreams, like love, bends the light of truth on the prism of expectation.
As I get older and crankier, I'm less inclined to stay out late, hold my tongue, or indulge fantasies about how my life could or should look. That last part is important. Accepting your state in life and your mid-life/mid-career expectations can be an excuse for ennui and complacency via resignation. But it can also be a lens that you view life through based on cold, hard experience. I'll never be an NBA all-star. I'll never make partner. I'll never have the boat. When you know that's the truth--not a concession of defeat--it frees you up to focus on where you're at and make the best of it--the game of pick-up with your forty-five year old buddies (my knee!), the riding out your career as an run-of-the-mill attorney, going to the Poconos to rent a yurt for a weekend. Etc.
My dreams have always had a way of not turning out how I expected; that's why they are called dreams! "Dreamer" is used as a sweet pejorative, not something to aspire to.
Some people do actualize their dreams, just as some guys make it into the NBA. Some write the best-seller, score the trophy wife, land the six-figure salary, build a family business. But most will tell you, there's a lot of blood, sweat, and stress behind the scenes. Instagram is a dreamer's paradise where anything is possible; Reddit is a refuge camp for the disillusioned to share the r:/harshrealities of living them out.
What the hell am I talking about? Well, by way of example, I always wanted to build my own house. I didn't have land, money, or skill, so I bought a school bus instead. This was when the #tinyhouse movement was just budding, and I got in on the ground floor. I broke my lease on my awesome 1 bedroom apartment, plopped down $1,500, and drove away with a green Eagles-tailgating shorty skoolie. I ripped out all the seats, floored and painted it, installed cabinetry, a bed, sink, and yes, the infamous "bucket toilet." I was living the dream!
But now I had no permanent address, no roots, no land or parking spot, my friends started to drift away, and I was faced with the prospect of number-twoing in a bucket (which I also had to find a place to empty). Like I said, living the dream!
I tell myself I had to find out for myself--I had to go through that disillusionment that what I expected and what I endured did not square. I could then put it out of my mind and for a brief time and say yes, I followed my dream. I wanted to do something all my life and I did it. Carpe Diem.
If people would ask me practical questions like, where do you poop? or where do you park? I would kind of brush them off. "That stuff will work itself out." But then you're on day one of your homeless adventure, and realize that they were right--you do actually have to deal with these things.
I have so many of these stories I could write a book; failure makes for good stories.
Listen, I don't want to make a business of shooting down the dreams of dreamers until they are belly up in the water. Like falling in love, you're not seeing clearly, and that's ok! We are human beings, not Perfectly Logical Rational-bots. When you're in love, it's a variation of narcissism--the other person reflects back to you the idealized version of yourself. And you elevate them to an ideal as well. That's how we're tricked by divine nature and hormones to sign on the dotted line for LIFE and the propagation of the species. If you said to someone: "Look, she's going to gain 20 lbs, you're going to sleep 5 hours a night on average, you'll have no money, the flame will die, you can't do what you want when you want, and you have to pay taxes every year until you die" people will say "Er, no thanks" and then we are DONE as a species. So, we need love and we need dreams and we need emotions to accomplish what God wants--to be fruitful and multiply.
There's a funny thing about getting what you want, though. The hungry man who eats his fill of ribeye suddenly pushes his plate away and can't look at it. Amnon was obsessed with Tamar and satiates his desire forcefully, only to hate and despise her afterwards. Actors get a lead role in a coveted film, and yet their being propelled to fame leads to loneliness and the allure of drugs. Lottery winners become paranoid and go broke within a few years.
What can this teach us? No life is perfect, and Instagram is a witch's brew. "Bloom where you are planted" is not a kitschy as it sounds. We can grow from our perceived failed indicatives. It's good to dream and there is nothing in the world like falling in love. If you're a dreamer, leave a little room for the words of some old curmudgeons, which might spare you some headache at some point. And if you're an old curmudgeon, don't stamp on people's dream with too much force in your heel; the dreamers may not rule the world the way cold hard pragmatists will...but I'll be damned if I want to live in a world without them!
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