Now that winter is peeking it's frosty head around the corner, I am going into full-on dad mode. Some of it is playing the part, some of it is for our bills, and some of it is because there really is a tough-love part of me that does not want my family (or myself) getting too soft.
There's a strain of this kind of neo-Stoicism on the internet in the wake of influencers like Jordan Peterson ("make your damn bed!") and Pete Adeney (aka, Mr. Money Mustache). The idea is basically that Doing The Hard Thing is something to be pursued, not shirked, as it is beneficially for you on multiple levels. There is truth in the saying:
Hard times makes strong men;
strong men make good times;
good times create weak men.
But here's the thing--as Catholics, we are not Stoics in the classical sense; we don't do the hard thing for the sake of doing the hard thing. We can pursue the difficult path without being masochists, and have some balance and purpose in this undertaking for not only our spiritual, but our coroporal benefit. But nothing is wasted in the spiritual economy. This is why we do penance in this life--for our own souls to make restitution now rather than later, and for the benefit of those suffering in purgatory.
I was thinking about this idea of how having a more ascetical mindset is good preparation for an uncertain future. It takes some 'training' or practice, so to speak, but can also have residual practical benefits. Four areas in particular that came to mind:
Body temperature
Human beings are warm-blooded creatures, so we need to maintain a certain range of internal temperature. However, the human body also has an amazing ability to adapt and acclimate to changes in the immediate environment (within reason).
Part of the reason I keep the heat low in our house is because we have very expensive (at least this season) fuel oil as our source. Thankfully, my wife is a true team player and doesn't give me too much grief about it; our kids also seem to be hot-blooded, so they are not suffering unduly.
It's always a little harder in the beginning of the heating season but once we acclimate, stepping into someone's home who keeps it at 70 degrees F or above feels like a sauna. I wouldn't say we're completely comfortable in our house, and we make a point to wear warm socks, sweaters, etc. People act as if this is a major hardship, but really it's just thermodynamic common sense: heat the person, not the space. And since when did being perpetually comfortable become the be all end all?
I still take cold showers, even in winter. I know that is somewhat extreme, (and part of it is simply because it takes forever for the hot water to get to the showerhead in our upstairs bedroom) but there are some health benefits (as people who do icebath plunges realize) and it definitely wakes you up in the morning and makes you more alert. It's uncomfortable. I offer it up. Ironically, it also makes it easier to step out of the shower into a coldish room, since the delta is not as high.
House size
I have a bit of a minimalist mindset. Part of this is for the preservation of mental health--more "stuff" equals more clutter, which translates to seemingly more anxiety. We are in a Goldilocks situation with our current house--for our family, it is neither too small nor too big, but feels just right in terms of square footage.
It's ironic, too, that in our area at least, many of the large houses correspond with less children, and many of the large families we know have small to medium sized houses.
There is probably a happy medium, but I also think it's worth pointing out that for many people, "the stuff fills the space." That is, if you are in a 1,500 square foot home and you upgrade to a 3,000 square foot home, you simply accumulate more things (furniture, accoutrements, etc) to fill in the difference.
There's nothing more or less noble about living in a smaller space, and there are practical concerns when a family is on top of each other and may be able to benefit from an extra bedroom or a basement. But for the most part, extra space is often a luxury, rather than a necessity, since most families with smaller houses just make it work with bunk beds, multi-use rooms, space saving devices, etc. So, a "bigger house" may or may not be a necessity, depending on your circumstances. And getting rid of junk and clutter can be freeing as well, which may allow you to free up space in your existing house.
Salary and spending
Like housing size, there is a happy medium in terms of salary. I have heard $85,000/yr household income is the 'sweet spot' where basic needs can be met but additional income does not necessarily make one "happier." As Solomon says, "Give me neither riches nor poverty" (Prov 30:8). This is the ideal, but we don't live in an ideal world, and families don't always experience ideal circumstances.
Also like housing size, we tend to "fill the space" with increased spending as salary increases. What were once "wants" now become "needs." This is why so many athletes and celebrities go broke, because they cannot sustain their lifestyles after their careers plateau. It's good to learn how to live on one income, even if both spouses are working, to give a financial cushion for the unexpected and emergencies. To the extent you over-leverage your budgetary margin call, it puts you in a stressful and precarious financial situation that may even make you less happy despite having a higher salary. The common sense approach is to live within your means: spend, save, invest, and give proportionally. But if you can learn to live on less, you are training yourself better for lean times, even if you have a lot of financial "fat" in your budget currently.
Fasting
Fasting is a good practice for spiritual and physical health. It can be as simple as skipping a meal a few times a week, or not snacking. To the three points above, there is also a tendency for our stomachs to expand the more we eat, so that it takes more food for us to feel full when we overeat beyond what is necessary to our bodies.
When we limit caloric intake, our stomach shrinks a bit in response, and our baseline of what is needed to sustain ourselves is lowered as well. We can offer up our fasting for the conversion of sinners, for our own selves, or some intention. We can also train our bodies in this way to "do without" when traveling or faced with hard times so that we are not ruled by our stomach.
Fasting can also be beyond food--like phone/technology fasts, for instance. It's just good to do to work on breaking this dependency...but it is very hard!
All in all, things like exercising, chopping wood, working hard, delaying gratification, and suffering a little helps us not be such butterballs, especially as men. There is a kind of effeminacy in needing to be perpetually comfortable. But we should have balance in all things. Weightlifters know that you get stronger by pushing your muscles beyond their baseline, but then allowing for them to recover as well. These are just four points I was thinking of the other day, there may be more. Feel free to comment to continue the conversation!
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