"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them. It is written: "You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve." (Ex 20:2-5; cf. Deut 5:6-9)
If you've ever seen someone try to kick a stranglehold like, say, heroin, you know it's vicious. There is something almost demonic about the hold it has on a person. I took a man once to a detox center who had been using heroin since he was fifteen--that is, about seventeen years-- but wanted to be free and get clean. He was an internationally trained chef who used to teach cooking classes, but not a day had gone by that he had not had a fix, having grown up in a family of drug dealers in Puerto Rico and having always had access. When we arrived and they were preparing the room, everything was stripped bare ("so they can't kill themselves," the orderly told us) and the bed was bolted to the floor. The withdrawal was severe.
When talking about addiction we tend to focus on the the physiological, social, and psychological aspects. But I think there is a strong spiritual component that often gets neglected (outside of 12 step programs), and that is the bondage of idolatry.
The fashioning of the golden calf in Exodus 32 shows the lengths a people--us--will do to to fashion gods for ourselves as a way to stay in control by creating for ourselves “a refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Ps 46:1). Of course, God alone should be our refuge and strength, the sole recipient of our love and worship, for "if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him" (1 Jn 2:15).
I have what you might call a propensity towards an 'addictive personality.' I don't know if that's a real thing thing or not, but I seem to be prone to the temptation to abuse. I have recreationally (mis)used drugs--opiates, hallucinogens, barbiturates, benzos, stimulants, alcohol--and have somehow managed to skirt total dependance. But there is one drug that took a hold on me and wouldn't let go for more than twenty years, and that was nicotine. From the time I first inhaled it at sixteen to the time I turned thirty-six, no more than a month had gone by during that time period that I did not use and depend on it in some form or another. I've heard that kicking nicotine is harder than kicking heroin. From my experience, I would not be surprised if this was true.
But by God's grace, I did kick it, taking the first step last June, on the 26th of the month, 2016. The impetus came when I realized I was trying to live two lives, was a mastered man, and that I had made an idol for myself that had assumed way more that I had originally intended to allow it to have. When you find yourself driving to Wawa at 1 in the morning in a rainstorm because you are out of nicotine, or digging through ashtrays, I think you could say you've handed over some of your dignity to a vice that has control over your will and personhood.
But though the will may be compromised by chemical dependence and habit, there is always a light and opportunity for redemption as long as you are still alive. There is no one so deep that Christ can not reach down into the pit and save. This is an excerpt from a post I wrote last October:
"For most of my life of faith I have tried to live in two worlds. I think a lot of converts struggle with this--reconciling their prior lives to their new lives in Christ. Christian friends are not a given, though hopefully they are acquired. You don't really want to leave your former friends, because you have an authentic history with them.
I was at a bachelor party over the summer which wasn't completely off the chain, no arrests or anything, but was just dark in its hedonism. I have done my share of partying, and like to have a good time with good people, so it was not a foreign scene for me. But something was different this time. It wasn't a matter of being better than anyone else, or holier than thou. I just realized I didn't belong here anymore.
But I was kind of trapped, as it was. As the party was raging into the morning, I went into my room and with a feeling of despair, opened the small Gideon bible I brought with me. I opened randomly to Colossians, chapter 3, and read:
"Put to death, therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." (Col 3:5-8)
I wanted the best of both worlds--I wanted to live in the world and experience all it had to offer without having to say no to anything or let anything go; to continue my pre-conversion life but in my Christian suit. I realized that night, though, that I was fooling myself. Not choosing, not standing apart, was itself a choice, for as the Lord says, "If the love of the world is in you, the love of the Father is not." (1 Jn 2-15). There is no middle ground, and if there is, it is like tepid tea--offensive and insulting to one's character as a new creation in Christ, good for nothing. There is pain in detachment, but only because we have allowed ourselves to become inordinately attached to that which, ultimately, enslaves us."
It was a very pivotal, Augustinian moment for me (if you've ever read the Confessions, see Book 8) of disgust and struggle at that bachelor party, and set into motion a plea for escape--not just from nicotine, but my slavery to those things that kept me in bondage. The golden calf I had fashioned in my life was nicotine, but you may have your own that may be an entirely different animal.
While I think this was a spiritual issue at heart for me, there were some definite practical steps and advice that helped me to break free from what was compromising my integrity and weakening my free will:
1) Fear was a primary motivator that the Devil exploits and leverages to keep us in bondage.
Alan Carr in his "EZ Way to Quit Smoking" book (super cheesy title, but a super helpful book for me) was the only one I came across on the subject who wrote about this. People who are addicted don't smoke/drink/use/etc because it is pleasurable, per se, after the addiction has taken hold--they use because they are afraid of the withdrawal that comes from NOT using. The "pleasure" is actually, simply, the avoidance of pain. I used lozenges, patches, and e-cigarettes for a good long time as a crutch nicotine replacement, but these are popular because the manufacturers convince you that you can't live without the drug. You leave it behind, and they are no longer profiting from you.
The Devil markets sin in the same way--promises relief/escape from pain ("pleasure"), and never in fact delivers. The cycle perpetuates, and you become convinced you can't live without [abusive partner; masturbating; drugs; wealth; affirmation and attention; etc].
I suppose people can quit these things in different ways, but for me "cold turkey" was the only thing that worked. Nicotine leaves your system in three days, and it can be a rough three days. I personally just went to work and then came home and went in my bedroom. But after that it just becomes a head game. No one is putting a gun to your head and forcing cigarettes into your mouth. Free will is an awesome and terrible thing, a great gift that takes on renewed significance when you are literally grinding your teeth trying to exercise it for God's glory and your own survival, when it costs, and when it hurts.
2) Unless you want to go back to the pit, you cannot compromise. Not. One. Puff (drink/hit/etc).
This was important. For years when trying to leave the drug behind I would think I was doing well and would reward (and fool) myself with an occasional drag. It became predictable after a while that one would turn to two, and occasional would turn to frequent, and before I knew it I was back to a half a pack a day habit. It was just a matter of time.
With sin, you cannot CANNOT compromise and be assured the victory. God was so stringently against inter-marrying of His people with pagans because, I suspect, he knows how susceptible we are to compromise when given the opportunity. I am not a hard-liner guy by nature, but I have had to be in this regard, and it has actually made things easier in the long run. Make it easy on yourself: No means no. No exceptions.
3) It's not just chemical, physical dependence; habit is powerful, and it can go both ways.
Habits can be acquired, and can also be undone or changed. Do anything enough (put a cigarette to your mouth 10,000 times a year, check your smartphone 1,000 times a day, bite your nails, etc) and it will become a habit. The second book that was super helpful to me was another secular one by New York Times bestselling author Charles Duhigg titled "The Power of Habit" (I actually wrote the author a few months after my quit and told him how much I appreciated his book and he graciously responded with encouragement and thanks). Virtue is acquired when we make room for it by pushing sin out, trusting God and disposing ourselves to His grace, and doing the hard work of self-denial and mortification to accomplish His work in us.
4) I gained some self-respect and my struggle with anxiety was helped dramatically after breaking free of the cycle of dependance and withdrawal.
I grew up kind of anti-social by nature. I would go outside and smoke to get away from things and be alone. I also used nicotine as a way of dealing with anxiety, which, of course, it doesn't do well; the constant cycle of withdrawal actually makes anxiety worse. The promise of relief is a lie, and sin itself makes us anxious and not at peace. It is how the Devil gets a stronghold in us, by stealing our peace.
5) Accountability brothers supported me, and helped me stay on course.
You need support, and you need to be accountable. People in NA and AA have sponsors. Christians, especially Christian men, need something similar to take those late night phone calls, to be an ear or shoulder when things get tough, and even just to push and hold you to your original vision for victory. I had two brothers in Christ who really helped me, who would check in regularly via txt. One was set free from addiction himself, one had never touched a substance. They were both invaluable to my being set free from bondage, and I am truly grateful for their willingness to walk with me.
6) Finally, the energy I put into tending my idol is now reserved for God alone in worship.
Worship is due to God alone. I have suffered from many demons--sloth/acedia, despair, worry, lust, avarice, and more--when I was playing nice with the world and feeding my sins and addictions in idolatry, and I can tell you, many have been driven out by God's grace and no longer have a room in the chambers of my soul as a result. Virtue cannot be built on the foundation of a golden calf. Moses ground it down and burned it, and then God destroyed all the idolators (Ex 32). That is how serious this sin is. God doesn't mess around with it, and He doesn't want us to either.
Nicotine addiction seems like such a lame and innocuous, harmless sin, but I can tell you it had a big stronghold on my life and my will. It laid the groundwork for other, bigger sins that took hold stubbornly in my spirit. I thank God for delivering me, for my brothers in Christ who supported me, for the resources and books that served as tools, and for God's merciful patience. He only wants us to thrive and prosper, not languish or despair. Trust Him, and don't believe the lie from the Enemy that you will die in leaving them. If you have idols in your life, pray, trust...and smash them to dust.
"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Cor 6:12).
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