For the past couple Sundays some friends of ours who have four rambunctious boys joined us for the 11am High Mass at our parish. Their usual go-to is your standard suburban Novus Ordo parish, with adjoining school. But my buddy's son just had his First Holy Communion recently, and the son of his own accord wanted to try out the "Irish Mass" (he meant the Latin Mass), since they had been there once before.
I had always invited them previously but I think there was some hesitancy, and not without good reason, since their boys were a handful (my buddy would say the same, so this isn't a disparaging comment). It can be intimidating--the children in the pews at the TLM there seem to be "so good" and for new families there is a fear, I think, that their kids will act up or not be able to handle it. Plus it was a bit farther away, and of course there is that feeling that you have no idea what is going on during the liturgy when you are new to it.
But as I've seen play out with my own kids (when we came over from the Novus Ordo about four years ago) and with other families as well, that fear is largely mitigated when one arrives for Mass. I've often wondered if it is a chicken-and-egg situation: does the Latin Mass attract well-behaved little angels? Or is there something about the traditional liturgy that instills something that makes them less prone to acting out?
It doesn't seem on the surface that it would. During the confiteor and the prayers at the altar, they are often inaudible. There are longish periods of silence. One might not understand the language. But there is also something profoundly captivating, if even for the sake of curiosity, that comes with being humbled by "not knowing what is going on." There is also an emphasis placed on a reverent environment in which prayer can be cultivated. It has been a while since I have been to a Sunday Novus Ordo, but the last time I was there it was unnerving the chit-chat and the overall casualness of everything that always bothered me when I was attending, but felt even more acute after experiencing the alternative.
During the liturgy, I didn't hear a peep from our friend's boys; in fact, I didn't even know they were there until afterwards when we saw them near the back. So, it made me think: what is it about the TLM that gets otherwise "badly behaved" kids (I'm including my own in that, at our previous parish) to fall in line? Here's a few thoughts:
1) "Everybody's doing it"
As social creatures, we tend to adapt to our environment. No one wants to be the "tall poppy" (to coin an Australian phenomenon of being one who stands out). Call it a healthy peer pressure. Most parents will tell their kids "we don't chat or run up the aisles or hit each other" here. But kids are perceptive--I think it's really when children observe other kids behaving at Mass, they want to behave as well. They want to "do what the other kids are doing."
2) A Full-Body Experience
The Latin Mass is full-body. There is lots of kneeling and standing. It takes a little physical stamina to "participate" in the sacrifice of the Mass in this context, and especially for boys who don't sit still well, this works to their advantage.
3) Ad Orientum Vs. Ad Populum
The traditional liturgy does not have the anthropocentric emphasis the Novus Ordo does. You are here to worship God. For some used to Mass ad populum (facing the people), this can be offputting for the "we are the church" crowd. But because the liturgy has this integrity of "right order," everything else flows and falls into place on account of that. There is time to socialize outside after Mass or in the basement over donuts, but during the liturgy and beforehand is not that time.
4) A Sense of Reverence
It is sometimes criticized that God was "wholly other" in the Old Testament. But the pendulum has swung in modern times to a more casual approach to God that is equally off-base. We should have a healthy fear of God, and when we enter His temple (the church), we should recognize we are in the presence of something beyond this world while being firmly in the world as well. The environment should reflect that, and in most TLM parishes, it does, because people have their priorities in line with what is expected. If the liturgy is more casual, people will act more casually. If the liturgy is reverent and represents what is truly happening (Christ's sacrifice on Calvary), it is being true to it's nature.
5) Servers
When boys in the pews see other boys serving, there is a respect there, and sometimes even a healthy desire to be up there one day as well. It inspires, and having only male servers is again true to the nature of the priesthood and his duties and those who may have a vocation. Female altar servers sows confusion among impressionable boys, and drastically changes the dynamics of the act of serving. One would hope this (serving) would cultivate vocations as well.
6) Judgement and Grace
We got more dirty looks from our naughty kids acting out at Mass at the Novus Ordo than we ever did at the Latin Mass. I think because there are more (and larger) families in the same boat, shaming is not a thing (I can only speak for our own parish, though). Crying babies can be a challenge, and are in a separate category than toddlers and pre-teen kids. One local TLM parish has an almost "no-tolerance" policy for crying babies and kids acting out, and I find that a bit much. Our parish, thankfully, is very gracious and understanding that babies--the future of the Church--cry, and most moms just stand in the back or take them outside if they are hungry or fussy, no big deal.
7) Expectation
The TLM expects something from you. It demands something from you. Like the faith as a whole, you have to put the work in for your faith to be fruitful. It can seem on the surface that because "participation" by the laity is not as prevalent during the traditional liturgy as in the new Mass, that there is less expectation of those assisting. But I don't find that to be the case. It's not a low bar, "come as you are" attitude; the Latin Mass pushes you--it pushes your body, it pushes you out of your ego and sense that everything is about you, it pushes you beyond your comprehension sometimes by being in another language. Being pushed is healthy. It challenges us to be better, to grow in virtue and deepen one's prayer life. You don't get that by having a low bar set. I think this is less elitism than it is simply wanting to grow in holiness among those who are attracted to the Latin Mass. And it applies to the kids observing, as well as the parents, that this actually means something, that something truly other-worldly is happening during the liturgy.
It took six months of attending the Latin Mass before I even picked up a missal, because I just wanted to experience it and not get bogged down in flipping pages. In retrospect, this was a grace, because it taught me humility, that the liturgy is not about me, and instilled in me a desire to learn more. I know it can be intimidating at first to set foot into a Latin Mass if you have never been before, and if your kids can be challenging. But after seeing it play out again and again, I think there is something inherent in the traditional liturgy that is good not only for adults, but children, to experience. I would encourage any family to give it a try. Anything worth something takes time and a bit of investment.
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