Sunday, December 11, 2022

When You Are About To Break

In March of 2021 a gigantic cargo ship got stuck in the Suez Canal in Egypt for a week. At least 367 vessels, carrying everything from crude oil to cattle, had backed up to wait to traverse the canal, halting $9 billion dollars of global trade for every day it was stuck. 

"Cheaper, better, faster" is the current underlying motto in global supply chain management. But that model really depends on thousands of factors and players operating under ideal conditions. The Suez incident illustrated just how one unforeseen event can throw off an entire global enterprise. 

Our healthcare industry is stretched to the breaking point. Most wait times in the ER are 5-6 hours just to be seen on a good night. People wanting to buy a car are finding it will take months for one they want to come in. Kids in school are so overscheduled that there is little time for 'boredom' which is a necessary ingredient for creativity. Millenials in the hustle culture monetize every spare minute they have. And most of us haven't learned how to not live beyond our means, either, creating financial stress that is palpable. More than half of Americans, for example, would not have the means to cover a thousand dollar emergency. Talk about being stretched to the breaking point. 

As families, we tend to sometimes structure our family lives like the global supply chain. Our time is leveraged to the hilt, and natural disruptions like sickness or injury can set us back and make life suddenly feel crazy. Sometimes this is unavoidable, and sometimes we bring it on ourselves.

This season, especially, we all are "so busy" that very few of seem to have a built in reserve of time and mental energy to attend to unexpected things lilke a family in need, or help at the church, or simply spending time with someone who needs it. 

White space is the natural elasticity of unstructured time that has the potential to absorb disruptions to the family supply chain. But it isn't valued in and of itself, so we tend not to work a lot of it into our schedules. It is the "time" equivalent of a financial emergency fund, which can be used to absorb disruptions to our budget due to house or car repairs, or medical emergencies, for example. 

We try to be conscious of both these things in our finances and our family schedule. Now, granted, we only have three kids who do a modest amount of activities (theater, sports, gymnastics). I make a median salary, but my work is not overly demanding either. Nonetheless, we typically undergo frugality in order to beef up emergency funds and savings so that when unexpected bills come up, we can avoid that stress. 

Part of this is conscious and calculated. As someone with a mental illness, I am more vulnerable to stress, and so I try to avoid or minimize it when at all possible. It's not always in your control, but sometimes it is; I always get us to Mass at least twenty minutes early, so we avoid the stress of running late, especially when my son is serving Mass. I figure we can pray the rosary or sit quietly during that twenty minutes.

But not overscheduling ourselves also gives an opportunity to serve. We've realized there is a real need at our parish soup kitchen and community outreach center, but they are also very hard up for volunteers. I don't know if that is because people are so busy they don't have time to, but it's come on my radar that since we are not caring for my father in law anymore after his passing, we have more time and respite. We can "fill this space" with "stuff" (activities, vacations, extracurriculars) or we can use it for other things, like serving, volunteering, or making ourselves available to those in need of time or attention. This can feel like a "privilege" of only having three children that may not work for those with larger families, but it's the principle that should be considered rather than the specifics. 

We think it is a matter of a hardened heart that the Levite crossed the road when he saw the Samaritan lying in a ditch. What if he didn't help, though, because his schedule was stretched too thin and "there was no time" to do so even if he wanted to? 

I think a lot of people during this season, but also in general, just feel like they are about to break; they don't have enough elasticity to bend instead--overworked, overscheduled, over committed. Is that a given? Do you have the ability to say 'no' and start slowly carving out and reclaiming time for Christ, time for your community, time for your family, and even time for the random stranger in need who may just need your ear for five minutes?

Advent itself is a 'waiting room' in which we watchfully anticipate the birth of Christ. Does the reality of our lives reflect that? Is the constant running from one thing to another during these short four weeks a given? Or do we have within us the power to say 'no' to some things in order to free up time and space in our hearts to say 'yes' to others--the better parts?



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