"If I Die, I Die": The Illusion of Safety

I have always been fascinated by the church in China. But many Americans may not be aware of the unique circumstances of Christianity under the CCP. For one, there are over 57,000 state-sponsored churches in China as part of the "Three Self Patriotic Movement" (TSPM). These are essentially Communist-controlled puppet churches, counterfeits that hold the State above the Kingdom of God. Meanwhile, those who refuse to submit to the CCP and live out the true faith are ruthlessly monitored, interrogated, tortured and jailed. The former are considered "safe" churches; the latter, undoubtedly "unsafe."

Here in America, we are familiar with the slogan "Be safe." It was the mantra of our government during the COVID era, when safety became our golden calf. It can be argued there was a degree of prudence and uncertainty among the citizenry and local authorities early on when we weren't sure what way this was going to go; I'm not here to judge that or play Monday morning quarterback.  

A few years ago I read the book The Heavenly Man about evangelist Brother Yun witnessing to the Gospel in Communist China. It was one of the most inspiring books I have ever read, and his unwavering faith in Christ and the power of the Gospel is truly remarkable. It shouldn't be, for he is simply a believing Christian who lives out his belief (and is willing to be jailed, beaten, and tortured for it) as we all should. And that belief wields power--the power of the Gospel and the miracles promised to those who believe.

In trying to learn more about the plight of underground Christians in China during that time, I came across a sermon online by another inspiring witness to Christ, Pastor Wang Yi. Pastor Yi was sentenced to nine years in prison for "inciting subversion of state power." Unlike the church in America, which is able to pontificate about intellectual, theological, and abstract concepts, the Church in China is afforded no such luxury. What they are concerned with is, for one, the practicalities of how to take a beating for the faith.

What I found so powerful about this literal believer in Christ was how he inverted this idea of "safety" in one of his sermons (How I Approach Police Interrogations 面对询问时我会怎么做), which I have transcribed below. As you will see, he is less concerned about his physical or worldly safety, and more concerned with what he calls his "spiritual safety":

"I once told a few brothers and sisters that in my early Christian years, every time I entered the police station I was afraid. But I said I learned something that I wanted to share with them. I want to share it with you all, too. I don't know whether or not you'll find it helpful.

Do you know what I've learned? When I'm being interrogated at the police station, I put myself in a spiritually safe situation. 

What do I mean by a spiritually safe situation? I mean I put myself in a physically unsafe situation. This sounds kind of abstract. What I mean is that when I'm in the police station, for the sake of safety, I say everything upfront. I immediately arrive at the point of no retreat. Unless you beat me, unless you arrest me, we have nothing more to talk about.

If I discuss things with them little by little, if I prolonged our conversation, I will be influenced by them. I will feel spiritually unsafe. They will get to my head through some roundabout ways. Then my spirit will weaken, and many of their words and actions will affect me. I don't want to be in this kind of spiritual danger. So in the very beginning, I clearly and directly address the point of conflict in the starkest possible terms so that there is nothing more to discuss. Then there are no more questions left for them to ask me. All they can do is beat me or arrest me. 

I say to them very clearly, 'If I'm arrested today, I'm prepared to stay here. Unless you want to charge me with a crime and arrest me, I have nothing more to say. I don't dispute the Communist Party's rule over this country. But Communism is evil. This is what I believe. 'Do what you want to me.' 

As soon as I say this, there is no turning back. I've discovered that this puts you in more physical danger. But it also comes with a great benefit: it increases your spiritual safety. So this is what I do every time. When I do this, I know that I'm spiritually safe.

Jesus also did this. Jesus often, through one word, forced all of Israel, all of the Sanhedrin, all of the Pharisees into a position where they had to kill him. Either they had to believe in him or they had to kill him. As C.S. Lewis said, you must either fall at his feet and call him Lord, or you must kill him. Because there is no middle ground, no safe zone.

So let me encourage you all, brothers and sisters: When you are facing persecution, when you are facing pressure because of your faith, don't give yourself too much wiggle room. Articulate the most controversial point as early as possible, and then, with Esther, say, 'If I die, I die.' It is often those who say, 'If I die, I die," who live in the end."

As Christians who are comfortable waxing about liturgical nuances online or ranting about the vax or extolling the lofty ideals of Thomistic philosophy or complaining about this or that, I think it's important to be brought down to earth from time to time by witnesses such as Pastor Yi and countless other Christians outside the U.S. who are not afforded the "safety" of freedom of religion and freedom of speech, but who nevertheless count the cost and take their beatings singing in a gospel simplicity that, quite simply, should put our faith to shame. Theirs is not a theoretical but a fundamental faith...not an abstract cost, but a real and painful one. But it is not in vain, either. For Christ truly promises life to those willing to lose it...and these Christians are indeed willing. 

When we hold on so tightly to the illusion of safety--especially when it comes to staying safe in our faith--it's like dousing the charcoal with lighter fluid and never striking a match. And persecution for these Christians is the flint that ignites their faith; a deep faith that becomes immovable, unshakable, even against Goliaths like the CCP. These are the men and women, brothers and sisters, we should be seeking to emulate. To say with them in deed, spirit, and solidarity, and without theological embellishment, "If I die, I die." For it is those who profess and embrace that death in paradox who truly do live in the end.