The Art Of Listening Is The Act Of Charity

I've always looked to St. Paul's words in his letter to the Phillipians as possessing a kind of secret, a key to freedom, contentment, and inner peace. These things always eluded me growing up. And yet St. Paul's words affirm that he is secure in Christ and this translates to an inner-security that is dependent on no man. For he says, 

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Phil 4:11-12) 

The Gospel is replete with these various keys and secrets; the more we pray, the more we read scripture, and the more we knock, the closer we come to unlocking the doors that keep us in bondage and unhappiness. The world does not know this peace, because it belongs to the Devil. For as St. John says, "The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever" (1 Jn 2:17). 

God is no gnostic--he does not reserve secret knowledge for a select few, but makes the light of the Gospel available to all in plain view. You may have to sell everything you have in order to buy this pearl of great price. But in doing so, you will have laid claim to an inexhaustable treasure that never corrodes, a well that never runs dry.

Sometimes, though, there are so-called "life skills" that even a godless pagan can plant and thus take advantage of a great harvest; But just as St. Augustine baptised the teachings of Plato in the waters of Christianity, so to can we as Christians lay claim to these more-or-less "natural" skills for the glory of God and the good of our neighbor. One of these skills I would like to posit has great potential for the Christian faithful is learning the art of active listening. 

This morning in prayer I was meditating on Psalm 19:1-4 which speaks to this ability for God to "speak without speaking":

The heavens declare the glory of God;

    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

    night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;

    no sound is heard from them.

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,

    their words to the ends of the world.

Why is listening so important? It is a skill, something we are not necessarily endowed with from birth but one we can acquire and hone over time. But why should we? I've been thinking about this lately, and I'd like to highlight some points and posit a few reasons why we as Christians should devote time to working on this more or less "natural" skill.

 It's okay not to speak

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (Ja 1:19) We have read or heard these words in the letter of St. James year after year. This epistle is only four chapters long, but is dense and replete with  spiritual wisdom that we can benefit from if we take it to heart. He exhorts Christians in this practical etiquette for their spiritual benefit: be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

Sometimes in a spirit of zeal we get the formula reversed--we are quick to speak, and slow to listen. The words of the prophet Isaiah always made an impression on me when he describes the Suffering Servant (which is Christ): "He opened not his mouth" (Is 53:7) Christ did not feel compelled to justify himself before those who held him in bondage: he knew who he was, who he came from, and to whom he belonged. Which leads to the second point:

Confidence and Self-knowledge

"Most of us are just waiting for our chance to speak," as the saying goes. Why is that? Is what we have to say that profound? Or are we just, at heart, insecure about who we are and what we know?

When that is the case, we often overcompensate with words to try to throw people off the trail to our inner sanctuaries. When someone looks us in the eye, it can be unnerving. But often the people who have the ability to look into the soul of another in this way, (or even just look a person in the eye) it is because they are confident in who they are. Even if they know very little, they know that much, and will not try to pretend otherwise. "Know thyself," as the ancient saying goes. Those who stand justified find silence as their greatest witness; "Fools multiply words" (Ecc 10:14). "The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues" (Prov 17:27-28).

Respect

Bad listening signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them. How can you claim to love your brother when you don't care enough to hear him? And as St John writes, "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar" (1 Jn 4:20). 

Active listening doesn't cost you anything. Besides that, it is an act of charity. ‘The greatest compliment that was ever paid me,’ said Henry David Thoreau, ‘was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.’ 

Patience

Patience is a virtue, and an important (but difficult) one to cultivate. How can we practice it? By listening to others in conversation. Unless we are hermits living in the desert, we will always have opporutnities in conversation with others to defer our words to a later date, and instead give a platform to one who may desperately benefit from it. 

When we hold our tongues, it can feel like bridling a wild horse; it does not come naturally, and we may need to concentrate on intentionally holding back words that press against the inside of our mouths. That is practice, and we will not do it perfectly. But practice makes permanence, as they say.

Detachment

When one comes to awareness that they know very little in this life, that is the beginning of wisdom. It also helps one realize that the value of the currency of their words is perhaps not of as much value as we thought. When one furnishes their house with second-hand goods, they don't worry about someone breaking in to steal them. When one realized we don't possess much wisdom, we can let our words lie fallow, and offer our field to someone else to plant in for a season. 

The gift of non judgement and being present

This can be a tough but fruitful practice--to be present to someone, to give them space to be themselves without judgment. Most of us are wounded, damaged in some way, and at heart feel unlovable. Judgement puts one on the defensive; when we disarm this tendency in practice, it can create a receptivity to what is being spoken judiciously. Conversation is a two-way street, and there is nothing more offputting that having someone speak down to you, or dismissively throw out anything you might say. 

Let me repeat this: you can give someone the gift of your undvided attention, being present to them and listening, without betraying your ideals or morality. The Jews crossed the street when one unclean came in their path (Lk 10:25-37); yet Jesus allows those unclean to touch him (Lk 8:43-48), and lifts up those who have been condemned by the crowds (John 8:1-11). Being present to someone means giving them an invaluable gift--your attention and your time. You would be surprised how far that currency goes.  

Prayer

"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body."  (Prov 4:20). I would wager that the way we speak to and treat others is a reflection of our prayer lives. The more one spends in contemptation, echoing the words of Samuel, Moses, Abraham, Jacob, Isaiah, and Ananias: "Here I am!", the more our interactions with our neighbor reflect this docility. 

Do we know how to listen to the quiet whisper of the Lord? In doing so, we learn how to love Him in silence. If we don't, how then can we listen in charity to our brother in the flesh?  Just as our Lord ties the two greatest commandments together, so too do listening to God in prayer and learning to defer our ego in conversation with others go hand in hand. 

The art of listening is the act of charity. If we can learn to listen, while being rooted in the moral law of God, the grace of Christ's friendship, and the self-confidence to not be swayed by the wickedness of the world, we may well then be approaching the seat of wisdom.