How To Talk To Your TLM Kids About The NOM

This morning I was up early and reading the Propers for the day, as well as from the Carmelite Divine Intimacy at the kitchen table. After some reflection and prayer, I felt a prompting to go to Mass and take my daughter. We only have Mass in the Extraordinary Form offered in our parish two days a week for daily Mass, in addition to every Sunday. It was 8 AM on a Saturday, and there was an 8:30 AM Mass at the local Catholic church in the next town over.  

 As I mentioned in my recent post, What Does It Mean To Be "Rigid?" my wife and I neither consider ourselves rigid nor traditionalists. That being said, my daughter at eight years old only has faint recollection of the new order of the Mass (the Novus Ordo Missae, or NOM for short). She knows what to do when at Mass in the Extraordinary Form, but she was maybe five when we stopped attending Mass in the Ordinary Form, and so it is fairly unfamiliar to her. 

I remember at a First Friday Mass a couple years ago when I was new to the Extraordinary Form, the priest offering the TLM from the next state over was not able to at the last minute, and so the usher whispered to me when I entered the church, "Novus Ordo." When those in attendance realized this, there was a bit of awkwardness. Some got up and left, which kind of shocked me, while those who stayed struggled with the responses, etc. I stayed, and since 90% of my Catholic life was attending the New Mass (and much of my young adulthood attending sporadically the Ukranian Divine Liturgy with my father when he attended), it came like muscle memory. But I wondered "why had those people left?"

As I interacted more with those of a traditionalist bent, it became clear that many people regarded the NOM as in some way inferior, though I think most acknowledge and won't go so far as to say it is not a valid Mass. If they did, I would imagine they were on their way towards sedevacantism or at least had adopted that mindset.

It is very difficult for me to articulate my 'position' (if one is needed) on the role the new order of the Mass plays in our life, I suppose because I'm still working it out for myself. I guess we've been spoiled in that we have had our diocesan TLM available and close, with the FSSP also not far away as a backup. So I haven't had to think of it much. I will still frequent the local churches which do not offer Mass in the Extraordinary Form for Adoration, but for myself, this was maybe only the second or third time I had been to Mass in the Ordinary Form in the past few years. 

That being said, although we homeschool and fiercely guard the latency period of our kids, I wouldn't say we 'shelter' them in any extreme ways. Until, that is, I realized that at least for the younger ones, they have had little to no exposure to 99% of Catholic churches which offer Mass only in the Ordinary Form. It's not that my kids snub their nose at it or anything, because we don't raise them that way. It's just....foreign to them, akin to someone who has never left their state to travel the country or abroad. 

So, maybe it was time for a teaching lesson. My daughter and I pulled into the church parking lot and entered the lower chapel. We genuflected and slid into the chairs (there were no pews) in front of four sisters of the Missionaries of Charity and pulled down the kneelers on the back of the chairs in front of us and prayed. 

Where to start? My first source of low-level anxiety was the reception of the Eucharist, since my daughter really has only known the altar rail and communion on the tongue. I wasn't sure of the priest offering Mass, so I told her to just follow me up, kneel when it was time to receive (from the priest, not the EM) and open your mouth. I explained that some people, as she will see, take Communion in the hand since the Church allows for this, but that we as a family choose to receive on the tongue because it is more reverent.

She asked about altar servers, and while I explained that there probably wouldn't be any children serving (she was actually the only child in attendance at Mass, though the chapel was full), sometimes these churches have both boys and girls serving as altar servers. I explained to her that because only boys/men can become priests, it is more fitting that only boys serve in this capacity, as it encourages them should they have a vocation. I didn't know how to handle explaining why this was exclusively a role for boys only, but we only had a few moments before Mass started anyway, so I let it lie.

I pointed out to her the sisters behind us, that her middle name was chosen after the great saint and founder of the Missionaries of Charity, Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Something tugged at me to acknowledge any lingering pride in my heart that "if it's good enough for the M.C.'s, it's good enough for me."

Though the traditional calendar Gospel reading I read this morning was from Mt 25:1-13 (the parable of the wise and foolish virgins), it was the Epistle reading this morning at Mass from St. Paul's second letter to the Corinthians that spoke to me:

"Therefore, that I might not become too elated,

a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan,

to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.

Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,

but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,

for power is made perfect in weakness.” " (2 Cor 12:7-9) 

At the diner after Mass, my daughter was her usual happy self. She seemed to acknowledge that the Mass was "different," but 100% Catholic, which is really all I could come up with when trying to balance how to talk about it with her (as a means of exposure, should she be older and have no options for a TLM, or choose to attend the NOM of her own accord). I feel like I'm writing this post because it's the kind of post I want (need) to read in this moment, and I'm not sure if it's out there or not to do so. But I don't have much to go on--it's a strange situation to be in when your fully Catholic 8 year old doesn't know how to participate in the Mass that 99% of Catholics celebrate worldwide. 

I want to raise my children as the spiritual leader of our family to be conscientious, charitable, and resolute as Christians. Though we have chosen to do this in the context of traditional Catholicism, I think they should be prepared to know that the Church itself is bigger than just our individual parish--that there are other rites, and different ways to offer the Mass--when they go out into the world. I know what I did this morning is anathema to traditionalists, akin to almost a kind of spiritual abuse. But like I said, I'm don't consider myself much of a traditionalist.

I didn't have the good fortune of recognizing early on all the liturgical abuses I was subjected to in college and beyond, so I also want to balance this exposure with a clear teaching on what is and is not honoring to God in the context of the liturgy. I think she's a little young now, very sweet and innocent, but I would like a game plan to form them in sound liturgical expression in the event it doesn't develop organically in conversation with them when and if it becomes an issue for them as young adults. As always, I'm open to suggestions.