Why (And How) To Admonish A Brother In Charity

 

I was reading through 1 Cor 5 this morning, where Paul says of the incestuous brethren "hand this man over to Satan, for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord." He goes on to say, "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside." And in verse 11, "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people."

This parlays into chapter 6, "is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? But instead, one brother takes another to court--and this in front of unbelievers!"

As believers, we often we take our brothers and sisters to court--the court of public opinion. In the zeal to uphold God's precepts and expose wrongs, we forget that our Lord gives us a methodological protocol to follow when a brother sins against us:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (Mt 18:15)  

Admonishment is a spiritual work of mercy, and a difficult one. It can be done to accomplish "the salvation of the soul" in preparation for the day of judgement, and it can also be done with less than charitable motivations--out of pride or condemnation, or self-justification. If God judges the heart, he will not spare our own when it comes to the motivation for undertaking this spiritual work.

Our Lord speaks on this matter in a circumstantial situation, but the four steps--private presentation, calling of witnesses, the ecclesial court, and casting out--are to be followed in order. 

The most difficult thing with a wayward brother is that he may not have ears to hear, unless he is disposed to correction. Therefore, one must approach a wounded brother the way they might a wounded animal in a corner--with care and gentleness. The old adage, "nobody cares what you know, until they know that you care" holds true. Heavy handed and self-important condemnations only seek to build up the pride of the admonisher. And if one has not love, "they are a resounding gong" to be tuned out. 

How does one communicate such love? I think one really needs to have a relationship with the person first to have any ground to stand on. They also need to be trustworthy, filled with charity, prayerful, and selfless. Are you those things? If not, maybe spend some time building up your own house before trying to clean someone else's. 

If you are, and your brother doesn't listen after being presented (in charity) with his sin, it's time to assemble the witnesses. Again, this can feel like a gang-up or intervention, so choose your witnesses carefully--men of integrity and sensitivity, prayerful, and strong. But sometimes it's not the spirit, but the nuts and bolts, of HOW to actually bring a church brother's sin before him? I see an ineffective approach going like this: "Listen, you gotta knock this off. You're embarrassing yourself and your family. Now man up, and quit it." Maybe a more effective approach is to shoulder some of the weight: "Brother, we love you and are concerned for you. Your (x) sin is eating you up. So, we will be praying and fasting for you for the next three weeks for your intentions and for the grace of the Holy Spirit to heal you." Something like that.

To bring before the Church a brother's sin is--well, I don't know exactly what that looks like or how it works today. Does one bring it up to a priest? The bishop? What exactly would be the 'next steps' if so? Most bishops and many priests are so removed from this kind of small-church relationship with their flock that I'm not sure how it would apply today. Maybe he means 'the church' small c, meaning the community of believers. Most of us do not have the kind of small intentional church community the early apostles did. But our Lord notes it, so it must be important.

Finally, to treat a brother as pagan or tax collector when their hearts are hardened and they will not listen is a hard but necessary final step. It's a 'hard mercy' but an inevitable one "not to even eat with them." In many ways the brother has already cast himself off from the community, and without repentance, has made a choice to set himself outside the community. This can be a formative time of wasteland searching, but also makes them susceptible to being 'picked up' by other non-Catholic groups. Many Protestants capitalize on the disenfranchisement with Catholicism among many so called "ex-Catholics." "Come join us. We have good music and fellowship, prayer groups, and take care of one another." It's an effective recruitment strategy, and part of me can't even blame them for doing so. We have not always treated and supported our brothers in the true faith in a way fitting of a Christian, and drive them away as a result. Sometimes it is an attachment to a particular sin, but sometimes it is Catholics themselves that drive others from the Church. 

To distill the aforementioned--prayer, sacrifice (penance), love, concern, charity, firm but truthful exposition, support, and forgiveness are the right ways to admonish a brother. Public shaming, gossip, condemnation...these are not of the Spirit. It is not our job to save our brothers' souls, but we play a part in doing the work of mercy when it is warranted. We must do so with prayerful prudence, discernment, and charity, and be willing to sacrifice as well. They must know the concern comes from a place of love and concern, not judgement. Even then, they may not listen, at which point we hand them over to the Lord to do and heal what only He can do and heal. But that doesn't absolve us from the sometimes uncomfortable work. It can show whether our love and concern is true, or just self-elevating posturing.