I grew up in a mixed-faith household. My mom came from an Anglican background, and my dad was an Eastern-rite Catholic. Though neither of them were especially religious, it was a point of contention in their marriage; my dad did not respect the Episcopal church, and my mom didn't feel especially comfortable with the exclusivity of Catholicism. I guess that is why my brothers and I were not raised in either faith tradition and kind of left to our own devices.
Love has no walls as they say. You can't always help who you fall in love with. Love is blind, and its embers often jump the circle of the fire pit.
But marriage is almost the opposite--it is a conscious choice, informed by reason and a healthy dose of pragmatism. After eleven years of marriage--not quite veterans, but not quite newlyweds either--I'm still amazed how much of building a life with someone is largely nuts-and-bolts stuff.
Because of the way I grew up, when I became Catholic at age 18, I had it in the back of my mind that I would never marry a Protestant if I could help it. My now-wife had more temptations to marry outside the Catholic faith, though it was not her preference. Her faithful Christian friends encouraged her to consider 'widening her net' to include faithful non--Catholic Christians in her dating pool. She prayed to meet and marry a Catholic whom she could share her faith with though, and God honored that prayer. It has been a major point of unity in our marriage that we are grateful for.
Marriage is hard. Faith is hard. Faith within marriage is no exception. The living out of love within marriage is expressed in the daily routine and sacrifices marriage calls for. The living out of one's faith, likewise, is expressed in works, which looks different for a Catholic and a Protestant, especially when they are both faithful to their respective traditions.
What seems to happen more often than not is that one partner concedes things to keep the peace. It could be in obvious ways (not attending Mass) or subtle ways (not expressing devotion to Mary, 'holding back' in prayer, etc). Some couples make it work--they agree to raise the children Catholic, as one example, or attend Mass every Sunday as a family. But there is still something missing that creates a longing in one or both parties--to share something they love with the person they love, fully and without reserve. There will always be a part of their soul which lives in loneliness in these instances.
Can a Catholic marry a Protestant and make it work? Sure. Should they? That's another question entirely. Even as a child, I never doubted my parent's love for and commitment to one another and their vows; they have been married for almost fifty years. But there was an element of unity which was lacking in our family with regards to faith.
For this reason, for any young fervent Catholic who falls in love with a Protestant Christian, I would say be very discerning. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean it always makes sense to marry them (though sometimes the wind of the Holy Spirit blows where He will, and will use it for God's glory). You will undoubtedly have challenges in an interfaith marriage that two Catholics marrying will not have to deal with, and you will need to go in with eyes wide open.
Personally, I would always caution a young Catholic against marrying a Protestant. Marriage is different from any other relationship. It is not just rooted in love and commitment to the vows, but in creating and sharing a life together...for life! And we are called to love and serve the Lord through our spouse, but to put Him before them. "You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve" (cf 1 Sam 7:3). One also cannot serve two masters, for "either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other." (Mt 6:24).
Marrying another Catholic does not magically solve all your problems and no marriage is immune from difficulties, but it does create a unique environment of fertile ground for the seed of faith to be nourished in unity by the Sacrament. To quote Cardinal Burke, "There is no greater force against evil in the world than the love of a man and woman in marriage." How much more so when they are one flesh, united in the true faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment