An Enduring Mercy

My father in law passed away this morning, drawing his last breath peacefully in bed with my wife by his side. He left the world with her reading to him from Psalms. Today was his 86th birthday.

When I entered his bedroom later in the afternoon it was, truth be told, the first time I had ever seen or been in the presence of a deceased body. His arms were folded on his chest in his bed, his speckled skin thin and taunt, his mouth ajar. It was strange to think that a few hours prior he was breathing and existing in time and space here on earth, and now his spirit had departed--there was no longer anything to compel movement or thought in him. He was, quite literally, no longer here. My wife and I made the sign of the cross, prayed together over his body, knowing that he was before the Lord at the great and terrible Judgment we all must face. "And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto myself." (Jn 12:32)

Two years ago I had discretely given my father in law a letter that I had hopes he would read, but was never sure if he did. I found a copy of it on my hard drive this evening:

Dear Dad,

D____ filled me in on the appointment, and your beginning dialysis. I know the next few months will be filled with lots of physical and medical changes, and will be difficult in lots of ways. I am glad you are undertaking it, and I hope it will help you feel better. You are in good hands with your children, who love you very much. As do I. 

Which is why I am writing this letter. Do you remember when I called you on the phone ten years ago, to ask your blessing to marry D? And you said to me, “I have to pull over, I am driving.” Haha. “We will go out to dinner,” you said, “we will do this in person.” Of course, for such a serious preparation for something that is for life, it is important that we do it the right way. You were right of course. We were preparing for life. 

Dad, I love you. Just as you prepared us for life together, I feel the need to write as you enter the final stages of your own. Deb said you have been experiencing a lot of anxiety with all the medical scares, and that it is hard to be alone. Of course, you know you are not alone, but that the Lord is always there beside you, holding you by the right hand. And you have been assigned a guardian angel at your baptism to watch over you and be your protector. 

“So then, banish anxiety from your heart. And cast off the troubles of your body.” (Eccl 11:10)

But no one can escape their end. It comes for us all. 

“All share a common destiny--the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean. Anyone who is among the living has hope--even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

For the living know that they will die,

But the dead know nothing;

They have no further reward,” (Eccl 9:2, 4)

Dad, you have lived an amazing life. You have overcome hardship, made a life for yourself and your children in America, and been given “all good things” as a result of your hard work and tenacity. You leave a legacy. And none of it can you take with you. You know this. We all come before the Lord as naked and helpless as the day we are born.

The Lord loves you more than you will ever know. He loves you so much He sent He sent His Son, his only Son Jesus, to die for your sins. He sent us His Son to take the punishment due to our disobedience upon himself so that we might not suffer the fate of unbelievers. That means me, and that means you. If you were the only person in the world, God Himself would have sent His son to die, to redeem you, because by his death he conquered death. We need not fear death as believers, because we know it is not our final home. 

But we should not presume that Heaven is our due right. We are not “good people” in the eyes of God, for all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). For there is no one who is righteous, no not one (Rom 3:10). One unconfessed mortal sin is enough to separate us from God forever. But we have a mighty Savior, for as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Ps 103:12).

The Church offers by the Sacrament of Confession the opportunity to reconcile with God in this life before we face the next. For after we die there is no confession, no opportunity to change. And no one knows the hour when that will happen. Christ gave his ministers--his priests--the power to forgive sins when we confess them, and the opportunity to be reconciled. All the dirt is washed away and we are made white as snow, though our sins be as scarlet. But we must confess with our tongue, and be honest with ourselves and before God, that we have fallen short and sinned against our Creator. 

Dad, you know I write this out of love. I don’t know anything about medicine, have been healthy most of my life, but know I can be taken from this life at any moment. Whether I am or not does not concern me, because this life is the veneer, a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. My hope is in Christ my Savior. I have made my confession, confessed my sin before Him who sees all things. 

Dad, I have included below an examination of conscience. Read through it slowly and carefully and search your heart. The Lord is merciful, and will pardon your sins, but you must confess them while you still have breath. We have priests on retainer who will hear your confession. There is nothing more important than Heaven. Please, please think about it. Of course you will be our daily prayers. You are not alone in this life, but ultimately you will face God alone and before Him at the Judgment Throne. Everything you have ever done in your life will be made known and is already known by the Lord. It is between you and God. But we only have this life to make amends. 

We love you dad.

R

For two years I prayed a lot that he would take the words in the letter to heart. He was a good and tender man, but was he ready in the "Memento Mori" sense? I even (subconsciously I think) asked Mary to "credit" him the graces promised from my First Fridays and First Saturdays, if this were possible. 

What graces? From our Lord to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, the 12th promise:

"I promise you in the excessive mercy of My Heart that My all-powerful love will grant all to those who communicate on the First Friday in nine consecutive months the grace of final penitence; they shall not die in My disgrace nor without receiving their sacraments; My Divine Heart shall be their safe refuge in this last moment."

And Our Lady to Lucia at Fatima:

"I promise to assist them at the hour of death with all the graces necessary for the salvation of their souls."

 

So many of these graces were manifested the past few weeks: The narrow window in which we were able to obtain a transport for him home from the hospital two weeks ago. The availability of our priest to hear his confession and administer last rites and the apostolic pardon that evening. To provide him with Holy Communion. To have his family around him, and to pass peacefully from this life to the next. Even as we sat around the kitchen table, my wife's brother and sisters and myself, there was peace and not acrimony. It was all the graces I had prayed for. And God in His infinite mercy, I believe, heard those prayers and honored them.

I texted a friend this afternoon: "I have to believe that perfect trust and confidence in God is His mercy is pleasing to Him. That is my oblation. Little Flower, pray for us!"

God's justice does not mitigate or undermine His mercy, or vice versa. As Scripture says,

“I will have mercy on whomever I have mercy, and I will show compassion to whomever I show compassion.” So then, it does not depend on the person who wants it nor the one who runs, but on God who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very reason I raised you up, in order to demonstrate My power in you, and that My name might be proclaimed throughout the earth.” So then He has mercy on whom He desires, and He hardens whom He desires." (Rom 9:15-18)

I believe God extended the divine mercy to my father in law in his last days. He gave him not only a full life for 86 years, but in the end He gave him the gift of time and preparation, the gift of family, and the gift of metanoia and the sacraments of Holy Mother Church. What more could we have asked for? As I mentioned to the same friend I had texted, "No need to be sorry--we are Christians, we are people of hope!" 

My wife and I "rediscovered" the Divine Mercy chaplet fairly recently, and so had been reciting it the past few days. It's easy to trad-scoff at the extension of mercy to others and preference for divine retribution...until you are the one in need of mercy. The opening prayer for the chaplet, from St. Faustina's diary, was moving in light of the mercy and consolations we personally witnessed. 

As Catholic Christians, we do not presume to know the mind of God, but we trust in His just judgement and His great mercy for sinners. "It is therefore a holy and wholesome thought to pray for the dead, that they may be loosed from sins." (2 Macc 12:46). The grace and consolation that can only come from Him can not be overstated. As St. Anthony the Great said, "I no longer fear God, but I love Him." His mercy endures forever (Ps 136:1).

"O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for poor sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy, I plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from which gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg of You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion and do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and ingratitude, the price paid for us can never be equalled. Therefore, let every soul trust in the Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God will not deny His mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God's mercy will never be exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I contemplate Your incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all sinners to Your feet that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages."