The Only Thing I Have Learned This Year Is That I Know Nothing At All

My Lord God,

My hope is in you. 

I hope with a hope that is beyond hope

And beyond desperation.

For I have sought you with all my heart;

I have traveled to the cities where I heard you dwelt

And searched for you in the alleys where rumor brought me

But I found myself alone among the discarded wrapping

I lost my caravan along the way

Three days I spent wandering the streets

Displaced from my friends, I walked

Peering in windows, resting in doorways

The more earnestly I sought you,

The more swiftly you hid your face

The discord in the streets followed me into my chamber;

The chamber of my heart you passed by

"Here he is," they said, and "There he lies,"

I ran into the street

But the cacophony of voices was babel to me

They carried me away like a tide out to sea

Drifting, the light of your face receded 

I became weary, I missed your smell

I thought I knew how to be holy

But I assumed too much 

Scoffers shared my bed

Laid up to me, they hoisted their words

"Hope has passed us by," they offered

"It's time we moved on from the Lord"

But how can I forget you,

Walk out on the one who gave me my life?

I am shrouded in a cloud of unknowing

Knowledge has failed me, and doubt has settled in like a fog

My Lord God, in this I know nothing

I know not holiness, and sin has become my neighbor

I erect a fence, he smiles at me 

through the planks he beckons for company

I will wait for you to return

I search for you from the window of my home

My poverty has caught up to me

I have nothing with which to pay my debtors

They come to reclaim my house

My household pines for you, my Deliverer

They condemn my patience

I have become foolish, with no recourse left

"Thou has rejected knowledge

And all the people perish"

When you levy the hearts of those who love you

Who will sing your praises in the streets?

I will give you my hand, my Lord

When you return for me and take my hand

To lead me through the fog

To the place I dread to go

I will lay those things I have acquired this year

At your feet, to be taken out to trash

For everything I have is dross

Everything I have is yours to burn