I've been writing about the sins of the eyes lately. As bad as sins of the flesh are, they often take center stage in our examination of consciences to the neglect of some of the deeper, more rooted sins of the heart, and the more careless sins of the lips with regards to charity.
For what does our Lord say?
"For from the heart come forth evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false testimonies, blasphemies. These are the things that defile a man" (Mt 15:19-20).
And lest we let ourselves off to easily,
"But I say to you, that whosoever is angry with his brother, shall be in danger of the judgment. And whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council. And whosoever shall say, Thou Fool, shall be in danger of hell fire" (Mt 5:22).
It's interesting, isn't it? In Mt 22:36-40, Jesus tells one doctor of the Law,
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with thy whole mind.This is the greatest and the first commandment.
And the second is like to this: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments dependeth the whole law and the prophets."
And yet as I was meditating on the first letter of St. John last night, he has this to say.
"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us.
If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."
(1 Jn 4:12-13, 17-21)
First, we are only able to love because God first loved us. Without the love of God, we have no love to give.
And yet, the evidence of our love of God depends on our love of our brothers. The Lord's commandment places first that we must love God with our whole heart, soul, and mind. And yet St. John says we cannot do that if we do not love our brother.
Mother Teresa said that when she encountered the poor, it was not a simile, that they are "like" Christ, but that they were Christ in distressing guise. There was no dissonance, no separation, and by this she proved her love for God.
My heart had scabbed over in three short days of neglecting to pray, and in my meditation last night I was cut to heart with the realization of the calcification that had taken place, the hatred I was carrying in my heart, a tare sowed among the wheat. Our Lord had used harsh words and stern warning of Hell for those who simply had applied a single harsh word to his brethren. "By your words you will be condemned" (Mt 12:37). We gloss over the term, raca (from the Aramaic, reqa). Simply translated, it means "empty, worthless." And how much worse words I have used.
Worse yet, in failing to love my brothers, I have failed to love myself--and not only failed to love, but have been filled with contempt, self-hatred, disgust. When we are filled with self-contempt, we cannot love. We are incapable of it--it's as simple as that. For why would we fail to love the things God loves--namely, us...our own selves.
The chaser to the evening meditation was the twenty-third chapter of The Imitation of Christ, Of Meditation Upon Death:
"Trust not thy friends and kinsfolk, nor put off the work of thy salvation to the future, for men will forget thee sooner than thou thinkest. It is better for thee now to provide in time, and to send some good before thee, than to trust to the help of others. If thou art not anxious for thyself now, who, thinkest thou, will be anxious for thee afterwards? Now the time is most precious. Now is the accepted time, now is the day of salvation. But alas! that thou spendest not well this time, wherein thou mightest lay up treasure which should profit thee everlastingly. The hour will come when thou shalt desire one day, yea, one hour, for amendment of life, and I know not whether thou shalt obtain."
Not only was my heart filled with hatred of self and neighbor, but idolatry, pride, and vanity. Where did it come from, how did it set in? Chapter 20 gave me insight the next day (emphasis mine):
"The greatest Saints used to avoid the company of men(Heb.11:38) whenever they were able, and chose rather to serve God in solitude. A wise man once said `As often as I have been among men, I have returned home a lesser man.(Seneca,Epist.VII) We often share this experience, when we spend much time in conversation. It is easier to keep silence altogether than not to talk more than we should. It is easier to remain quietly at home than to keep due watch over ourselves in public. Therefore, whoever is resolved to live an inward and spiritual life must, with Jesus, withdraw from the crowds(Mark 6:31). No man can live in the public eye without risk to his soul, unless he who would prefer to remain obscure. No man can safely speak unless he would gladly remain silent. No man can safely command, unless he has learned to obey well. No man can safely rejoice, unless he possesses the testimony of a good conscience.
Those who stand highest in the esteem of men are most exposed to grievous peril, since they often have too great a confidence in themselves. It is therefore, more profitable to many that they should not altogether escape temptations, but be often assailed lest they become too secure and exalted in their pride, or turn too readily to worldly consolations. How good a conscience would he keep if a man never sought after passing pleasures nor became preoccupied with worldly affairs! If only a man could cast aside all useless anxiety and think only on divine and salutary things, how great would be his peace and tranquillity!
No one is worthy of heavenly comfort, unless they have diligently exercised themselves in holy contrition. If you desire heartfelt contrition, enter into your room, and shut out the clamour of the world, as it is written, `Commune with your own heart, and in your chamber, and be still(Ps.4:4;Isa.26:20). Within your cell you will discover what you will only too often lose abroad. The cell that is dwelt in continually becomes a delight, but ill kept it breeds weariness of spirit. If in the beginning of your religious life you have dwelt in it and kept it well, it will later become a dear friend and a welcome comfort.
A cheerful going out often brings a sad home-coming, and a merry evening brings a sorry morning. For every bodily pleasure brings joy at first, but at length it bites and destroys.(Prov.23:31,32) "
At Mass this morning, I felt reserved, sober, and filled with compunction. I couldn't get to Confession prior, and though I had just gone last week, I still felt the need for my heart to be cleansed. By an act of grace, I was able to tell God I had sinned, was sincerely sorry, for I had called him Raca--empty, worthless. My hurt pride had given way to anger, but now it was melting in sincere contrition. It was not fear of Hell, but love of God and wounding Him, that motivated this perfect act of Contrition by the grace of God. I trusted this consolation, received Communion with the resolve to go to Confession at the next opportunity, went back to my pew, and was given the gift of tears in the moment which I did not wipe away--that is, sincere sorrow, and a heartfelt communion.
We can only love our selves and our brothers because God first loved us. And if we fail to do that while pledging charity and fidelity to the Lord, we make ourselves liars. The only antidote is sincere, perfect contrition which is founded on love. We can be bodily chaste and yet possess cold hearts devoid of love, and as such we are white-washed tombs.
The Lord patiently teaches us to cherish the cell, guard our lips, and love embodied man. That doesn't mean we have to trust our friends and kinfolk of their help or even constantly keep the company of men. In fact, the Lord may humble us in removing that consolation of affirmation to remind us where our ability to love comes from--that is, from God alone.
Very good reminders
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