The First Look Is Free...The Second Will Cost You

 It's always tough for Catholic families when it comes to the beach. We enjoy the waves, the sand, and relaxing. But it's also a bit of a mine field when it comes to modesty. Men, especially, must take custody of the eyes and teach their sons the same. As Scripture says, "the light of thy body is thy eye. If thy eye be single, thy whole body shall be lightsome" (Mt 6:22).

We always have to balance healthy prudence with exploitative scrupulosity. God gave us men the natural means of attraction by way of visual stimuli. Stimulation occurs through the portal of the eyes, and ultimately implants in the mind as a means of arousal. What happens from there will determine the degree of sin one is culpable of. 

Of course the only appropriate setting for stoking this arousal is in the context of marriage, and with one's wife. We can do our best to keep custody of the eyes by avoiding people, places and things that serve as occasions of sin, but it can be challenging when we live in a culture where we are continually bombarded by lewdness. 

My own approach with my son with regards to modesty is to instill a sense of what is appropriate and inappropriate, and he has a pretty good idea of this in his conscience. I tell him, "the first look is free, but the second will cost you." On the one hand, if something pops up on a billboard as we are driving, or he sees a young girl not dressed modestly on the beach, I don't want him to be wracked by guilt for having it come into his purvey without consent of the will. I want him to know that God gave us these faculties for the benefit of our future spouses and progeneration, not for selfish or inordinate desire. 

I have tried to teach him the technique of "bouncing the eyes," so that if he does catch a flash of something, it is instinctual to turn away for his own benefit, and in charity to the one who is the cause of possible temptation so as not to feed the attention seeking. We don't go looking for this kind of stimuli, but if it crosses our path, we don't have to get all wound up or unnecessarily wracked by guilt.

However, to the degree one "stores" these mental images for later cultivating, that is the "second look" that we are on the hook for. It will cost you, because at that point it is an act of the will *not* to turn away. Custody belongs to the eyes; chastity belongs to the heart. It also makes chastity harder in the long run, because once the sin of unchastity takes root in the heart, it is harder to pull up. It is much easier to pick the seed off the ground and flick it into the woods than uproot it from the soil. 

If virtue, like prayer, is a habit, it necessitates training the mind, body, eyes, and heart to desire virtue more than sin and it's temporal pleasures. For young men, "bouncing the eyes" is training--whether on the beach, while driving, or while on the computer. The Devil, the Great Legalist, will use scrupulosity as a means to condemn when there is no sin or consent. This also must be guarded against. And even if a man falls, his first instinct by way of habit should be to get up, repent, and make amends not to return to the vomit (2 Peter 2:22).